Handling One Parent Being Away

[Anonymous]

My spouse has a work assignment that's going to take him away for 2 months (basically we got away with no work travel for a year, now a bunch of stuff has to be done). Because of my work and our daycare being here, the 2 year old and I are staying home.

Anyone else have tips for handling this? For instance, I'm probably going to try to make dinner the night before after bedtime and I was considering getting someone in to help clean or watch kid while I do errands/chores. I could also burn one vacation day a week or biweekly to do errands and cleaning while kid is at daycare.

We've had success with daily video chats with grandparents the past year but I am worried about how much kid will miss his Dad.

[Anonymous]

Don’t worry about keeping a spotless house, simple basic meals or carry out.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single parent (no shared custody) and do this every day.

Grocery delivery from Amazon Fresh
Takeout 1-2 dinners per week
Easy dinners like instant pot chicken rest of week, but because it's just the two of you, should be able to make enough for 2 dinners at a time. I'm able to make dinner between childcare pickup and dinnertime. Sometimes toddler "helps."
Do as much online shopping as you can. For example, I buy a lot of our clothes and all of our household supplies online.
If your job is flexible enough, run errands during work hours and then just do an extra hour of work in the evenings. I find it much easier to do errands during childcare hours and then desk work after bedtime.
Yes to hiring house cleaners. For me that's the one thing I must hire out. I do 2x a month.
If you are going to take a vacation day while toddler is in childcare, do not use it for errand running or cleaning. You have to use it to do something for yourself. This is how you prevent burnout from working + being the only parent.
If your child still naps, do not use naptime for tasks you can do when they are awake. You need that down time for yourself. You will be amazing how much toddlers can enjoy (watching you) do laundry, do dishes, mop, etc.
Just by nature of only having one parent around, your child will likely get a lot better at independent play. That's great! It's good for their development and will make it easier for you to run the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single parent (no shared custody) and do this every day.

Grocery delivery from Amazon Fresh
Takeout 1-2 dinners per week
Easy dinners like instant pot chicken rest of week, but because it's just the two of you, should be able to make enough for 2 dinners at a time. I'm able to make dinner between childcare pickup and dinnertime. Sometimes toddler "helps."
Do as much online shopping as you can. For example, I buy a lot of our clothes and all of our household supplies online.
If your job is flexible enough, run errands during work hours and then just do an extra hour of work in the evenings. I find it much easier to do errands during childcare hours and then desk work after bedtime.
Yes to hiring house cleaners. For me that's the one thing I must hire out. I do 2x a month.
If you are going to take a vacation day while toddler is in childcare, do not use it for errand running or cleaning. You have to use it to do something for yourself. This is how you prevent burnout from working + being the only parent.
If your child still naps, do not use naptime for tasks you can do when they are awake. You need that down time for yourself. You will be amazing how much toddlers can enjoy (watching you) do laundry, do dishes, mop, etc.
Just by nature of only having one parent around, your child will likely get a lot better at independent play. That's great! It's good for their development and will make it easier for you to run the household.

+1 — this is all great advice! My DH traveled for weeks at a time pre-Covid and I took a similar approach. In terms of missing dad, my kids didn’t really seem to notice/care that much until they were 3. Before then it was practically “out of sight, out of mind” - though they always were very happy when he returned!

[Anonymous]

I did it for seven months when DS was (surprise!) deployed.

My DD was just nine months and DS was five.

Keep it simple and get a house cleaner. Getting a regular babysitter for four hours on Saturday really helped too - I could get groceries, a hair cut, car washed and leave the kids at home. I guaranteed the sitter’s hours and she was great.

DH needed to FaceTime the kids so we did.

Honestly you’ll figure it out.

[Anonymous]

I also solo parent for weeks/months at a time due to my husbands job. I have. 2.5 year old. What helps me:

- before husband leaves, make a big shopping trip or Costco run to make sure you are stocked up on random household needs.
- hire a cleaner and lower your expectations on clutter
- order everything online- groceries, target, amazon etc.
- any other errands that need to be run I do during my work day, or on the way home from daycare pick up
- take out 1-2 times a week, and make easy easy dinners that the toddler will eat.
- since dinners are super easy they aren’t always the healthiest. I make up for this by having a healthy breakfast and lunch
- I plan an “adventure” each weekend- a park, lake, farm, playground, something to look forward to, get out of the house and wear my kid out
- if my husband is traveling for 2 or more weeks, I end up taking at least 1 personal day to veg out and recharge
- I bought a running stroller and I use the Peleton app (not the bike) to get workouts in 3-4 times a week.
- during Covid this may be more difficult, but during the 1-2 month trips I would usually have my parents visit for a weekend to get a break.

Are you working from home? If so, it’s actually pretty easy to stay on top of everything. If not, see if you could 1-2 days a week?

[Anonymous]

My DH travels 50% of the time for work. My two-year-old is used to it now; all I do is just remind her when she asks that daddy is at work and will see him when he gets back home. We do try to FaceTime with him each day; doing it during meals is great because the kids are strapped down and you can just prop up the phone while your child eats and they can talk.

As for cramming it all in, I do pretty simple dinners. Nothing crazy elaborate, but also not frozen pizza every night. Baked chicken, pesto pasta, pancakes or scrambled eggs for fun. I get my toddler involved with cleaning as I clean. She loves to “dust” or clean windows with a dry paper towel as I do it or okay with her toy vacuum while I swiffer. I also have her help with laundry. She likes to throw things into the washer or dryer and I gave her tasks like finding all the socks when we are folding to keep her busy. Otherwise, you’ll have to use naptime or while she’s sleeping to get stuff done. And of course she comes with me on whatever errands have to be done. I am a stay at home mom so I can mow the yard and take out the trash while she is napping, so if you work you may want to hire a lawn service or hire a babysitter for a few hours on a weekend so you can get outdoor stuff done where it’s too dangerous to have your kid running around the yard at the same time.

It will totally be fine! I promise! Most kids at this age don’t even really realize one of their parents is not there or for how long that is

[Anonymous]

You can do it. Take it easy on yourself. Also if this is the first time DH has left, expect your kids behavior to alter. Mine are usually ok for one day or two and then gets worse through the week when dh goes ok work trips. Give the kid slack as well and don't make it more stressful. You may find that if you try to take them on a special fun adventure it may result on more stress (not necessarily but maybe). Just watch out for that.

[Anonymous]

You can do it. Get a sitter for 4 hours every Sunday for some you time.