Jealous Moms

[Anonymous]

I wonder if any moms get jealous over other moms and their babies. What makes you jealous? I ask because one of my friends and I had a baby a few months apart and she never wants to get together now. Another friend says she is jealous because our baby is cuter. I can't imagine this but any moms feel this way?

[Anonymous]

I have to admit that I did get a bit envious of my girlfriend's babies who seemed to sleep through the night effortlessly at 6-8 weeks while I was still getting up 3-4 times/ night. Nevertheless, I continued to tell myself that all babies are different and that other aspects of parenting would be easier with my baby than with their's. For the most part, that notion has been quite true. I remember needing some time out to work through my emotions, which seemed largely acute, painful and irrational thanks to the sleep deprivation.

Maybe your friend is overwhelmed as many new mommies are or perhaps she does harbor some feelings that she is not proud of. In any event, give her time and keep offering invitations to get together. When and if she comes around, she will be heartened by your loyalty and patience.

[Anonymous]

First, I can't imagine a "friend" saying this about another "friend". Maybe your other friend is avoiding the friend who would make a comment about someone's baby being cuter than the other? Just a thought! But having said that...

There is definitely a lot of jealousy to go around, though I think it stems from the extreme competitiveness in this area, as highlighted in all of the private school threads. My daughter is very beautiful and gifted. God, I sound horrible - I'm not trying to sound that way at all, so please take my post for what it is - my experience with jealousy. I have one friend, in particular, (who has slowly devolved into an acquaintance) who is so incredibly competitive that it got to the point where she would put her own daughter down in front of her because she couldn't do xyz or her interests were in, say, blocks instead of music. Always commenting about clothes, hair, activities involved in. It just kept getting worse the older the girls got and their personalities started to shine. To this day, the moms of boys are much easier for us to hang around because there's no comparing - just playing! I've had to weed through quite a few "friends" because I couldn't even talk to them anymore. We had some issues with class placement, testing for GT, etc and I literally had to keep my mouth shut in fear of being the "bragging mom", which I'm truly not. I couldn't care less about how beautiful my dd is and she is very tomboyish, we've never been into Barbies or princesses, she wears ts and leggings everyday, not dresses, we're just not that girly, yet she still gets stopped on the street and family members are constantly talking about her beauty and boys, etc. It's been difficult to get people to talk about her mind instead.

Sorry, I've hijacked your thread! It's obviosuly a tough topic for us and one that I don't discuss with people other than my DH and 1 close friend. I would seek your friend out, ask her how she has been and let her know that you miss her. Maybe she is dealing with pp depression, maybe she's having a hard time in her marriage - you just never know. If she hasn't been mean/jealous toward you, then I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

PP here - just to show that I'm not bragging, I do get jealous sometimes. My dd has never been a happy, smiley content baby or toddler or kid. Very funny and silly, just not bubbly and warm all the time! I get jealous over very happy babies.

[Anonymous]

Can't say I ever am jealous of other moms' children. Sure there are kids who are cuter than mine (not that I think mine aren't totally scrumptious), but that never makes me jealous. I'm just happy to be blessed with two wonderful, healthy children. Never crossed my mind to be envious of other moms. Now if you're talking about nice houses...well, then...that's another subject!

[dgahagan]

PP-same here! I think my son is gorgeous! I do get comments about his good looks, but I only tell my DH. I could just eat him up he's so cute! I've never been the jealous type, so none here. Our house is between to McMansions-our house literally could mistaken as the garage to one of the homes! But I do love our little brick bungalow and the love that's in it. My hang up is I'm envious of people that work from home full time-which is my goal. Yes, that's my envy. I could care less about other mom's and their children.

[Anonymous]

I get jealous of other kids that are much more outgoing and eager pleasers then my daughter is - sometime I feel that comparison she is a bit of a "dud"... she is really cute and sweet, just into her own thing, and not into preforming for others as expected... so it always seems to let them down a bit. She is wonderful though in her own way, just sometimes when we are with other kids I wish she was more like them... also, one of the reasons why I am going to apply to private school is I know she will not do well on the WSPI test (IQ test), as she will refuse to cooperate with the tester.

[Anonymous]

Sure - people have feelings of jealousy. But I find it a little far-fetched to think that a friend is avoiding spending time with you because your baby is cuter. Perhaps there are other reasons. For example, she has a lot less time to hang out now that she has a baby. Or maybe you have a very different parenting style from hers and so she doesn't feel comfortable with you. Or a million different reasons.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you that I have a "dream baby". She's very beautiful, never cries (just for a few seconds if hungry or tired), always smiling and happy, content/alert, walked at 9 months, lots of energy, self entertains, sleeps straight thru the nights, hardly ever fusses or whines, etc....

When I talk "baby talk" to other moms whose babies are the opposite of mine, I can feel the jealousy by their comments or I get ignored. I belonged to an on-line forum and than left due to the negativity and drama and somehow these mothers got a hold of my baby blog and than bashed it on the board! It was out of pure jealousy. Why can't people just be happy for you and your baby instead of getting all worked up and upset because you do not have a difficult baby or the fact that their baby is not as advanced as yours? Every baby is different!!!

[Anonymous]

Past poster: sometimes a little humility goes a long way in terms of assuaging jealous feelings. It is wonderful that you have such a dream baby but others do not. Who knows, maybe next time around you will get a difficult baby or perhaps your dream baby will turn into an awful teenager. Count your blessings and perhaps limit the brag time to family and close friends. It's okay to mention your baby's strengths but a little goes a long way!

[Anonymous]

Me the "dream baby". Exactly...I am counting my blessings now! I might have a devel difficult child the 2nd time around! I never brag about my baby, just on my blog which is private now!

[Anonymous]

I doubt your friend is jealous because your baby is cuter. Baby cuteness is completely in the eye of the beholder. Every mom thinks their baby is cute. Half the time when someone is complimenting you on how they think your baby is so cute they are telling a white lie or simply making converstaion anyway. Its probably something else.

On the jealousy, I would call this more envy but I really envy moms who had and can have low risk pregnancies. I can't describe how different having a preemie and then going through a second high risk pregnancy is from what everyone else seems to experience. Would have been nice to worry about decorating a nurset instead of will the baby make it. Our second was closer to term and it was amazing how much easier that was than our first who was an early preemie.

To be honest I'm not overally envious, we had good outcomesin the end and I know several women with the same condition who did not.

[Anonymous]

I think it's great to say great things about your baby, bragging or not! Too many people competitive people who get all worked up when it's not necessary!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's great to say great things about your baby, bragging or not! Too many people competitive people who get all worked up when it's not necessary!!!

I agree, to an extent! We should be able to share things with friends! I was so excited when my daughter began to read and write and add and subtract numbers, yet I can't even bring it up because other moms construe this as bragging. It's just exciting!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can tell you that I have a "dream baby". She's very beautiful, never cries (just for a few seconds if hungry or tired), always smiling and happy, content/alert, walked at 9 months, lots of energy, self entertains, sleeps straight thru the nights, hardly ever fusses or whines, etc....

When I talk "baby talk" to other moms whose babies are the opposite of mine, I can feel the jealousy by their comments or I get ignored. I belonged to an on-line forum and than left due to the negativity and drama and somehow these mothers got a hold of my baby blog and than bashed it on the board! It was out of pure jealousy. Why can't people just be happy for you and your baby instead of getting all worked up and upset because you do not have a difficult baby or the fact that their baby is not as advanced as yours? Every baby is different!!!

Maybe their annoyed by your bragging.. not jealous.