Trying to Concieve is not a race

[Anonymous]

I would just like to thank the poster who made that statement in response to my original post to wait to ttc after miscarrying. Whenever I get depressed about the baby I lost and trying to concieve again, my mind goes back to that statement and I feel better. So, just wanted to say thanks.

[Anonymous]

I wish I felt like that, but I'm worried about my age, so it does feel like a race to me.

[Anonymous]

Yes, unfortunately if you're 40+, it IS a race. And that contributes to the overwhelming stress of this process - that feeling that you can't afford to waste even one month. So, consider yourself lucky if you have age on your side. OP, I'm sorry for your loss - good luck as you move forward.

[Anonymous]

Age is certainly a factor for me. I am 35 and it seems as soon as I hit that age I started having all sorts of reproductive problems.

[Anonymous]

Then why do I feel like I can't get off the blocks?

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way 16:42!

[Anonymous]

"Then why do I feel like I can't get off the blocks?"

I actually had a dream last night where I was first preparing for a test, which I never took. And then I was going to run a 10K, but there was a technical malfunction after the elite runners started and the rest of us never got to start the race - my alarm went off while we were waiting!!!

[Anonymous]

I wrote the original "race" statement. I'm turning 41 on Monday. I know that perspective doesn't work for everyone, but it works for me. Stress doesn't help the process. Instead, I try to focus on what I can do rather than trying to force every month into a race against time or using each month as an occassion to blame myself for not trying "sooner." Instead, I feel that every month I am getting healthier, mentally and physically, and am better understanding the fertility situation. Focusing on time limits only makes the task seem all that more impossible. Focusing on improving my life, mind, and body makes me feel that I am achieving some goal every month, every day, every week. While I do get frustrated some times, I also work diligently on remembering how many people have conceived after 40 and that happines has several definitions.

[Anonymous]

Let me also add that I tried to run that race and found it unsatisfying, discouraging, full of self-blame, beyond stressful and depressing, and utterly unhelpful. I am generally a highly motivated person, so the race idea usually is a good analogy for me. While it is suitable for work projects, it is not for my family. And I am still trying after two miscarriages and no previous children.

Glad, OP, that I helped someone! You made me feel better too.