What do you do when your older parent forwards alarmist emails to you?
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Anonymous
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So my dad (78) has starting forwarding these obviously untrue scare-tactic emails to my siblings, me, and our spouses. It's dumb stuff that's been disproven on snopes, etc (the first write up was from 2002!). We, as the recipients, are all aware that these emails are fake (e.g. "Gangs are putting baby seats by the side of the road so they can rape and kill a woman who gets out of her car to check on it!!"). My mother has forwarded this stuff in the past, and I always responded directly to her to correct her (vs shaming her publicly by cc-ing the whole group). Strangely, I am reluctant to send anything to my dad, because he often acts like we're attacking him if we try to correct him on anything. Part of me just wants to let it go and say nothing - except that the last one he sent says to call "112" instead of 911, and I think he might actually do that?? Ugh. Lately he's also been fooled by texts promising "free netflix and amazon prime and Disney!" - which makes me a little worried, because I'm realizing I just can't prevent him from believing misinformation, and acting on it.
I am part fascinated and part horrified when I look at the email chain. All of his friends, who I thought were mostly normal from casual encounters, seem to be taken in by these weird stories. If you receive, or have received, these kinds of emails from your parent(s), have you been able to set them straight? What is your response? |
Anonymous
| I just ignore them. They don't require a response. I don't respond to other spam so why feed the beast? |
Anonymous
| I like this way of thinking about it! |
Anonymous
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You need to see bigger picture. The aging parent is trying to engage with you on other level then just usual same old same old and feel relevant ..
be helpful, caring and worrying about you in modern way. Why don't you just say; oh got your text, thanks. It helps to know those things. This makes them happy and relevant and feel needed and helpful. Nothing wrong with it. Try it. Parents became truly less and less important to you and they feel it and they miss some role in your life and although this is very little you can give, it is something. They are not having decades and decades to leave, most of the quality life is behind it and the end of the life stick is getting closer and closer and faster and faster. Be grateful for having them around still. Enjoy life and help them feel good in those last years. you will be glad you did. |
Anonymous
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OP.. average life span... 78.54 years (2018).
At this age, EVERY DAY IS A GIFT.. it can be a decade but it can be tomorrow... Be kind. Be patient. Be loving. |
Anonymous
| Thank you Dad!! I double checked that one and you should certainly call 9-1-1 if you need help. Maybe that email came from another state. Don’t know but love you and want to be sure you are safe. |
Anonymous
EXACTLY THIS! |
Anonymous
Cold. Cold. Cold. |
Anonymous
OP here. I think this is great! Thank you!! |
Anonymous
| If you are ever able to get into his email account, unsubscribe him from or block the senders for scam and junk email. It won't help if he is going out looking for it but will help lessen his exposure. |
Anonymous
This is great. Depending on the relationship, it will be interpreted as silence or disrespect and met with more spam. So, try it and see. |
Anonymous
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My mom did not go quite this far, but she would send us every story of tainted lettuce, even though the incident was usually halfway across the country from us.
I thought it was sweet. She was trying to take care of us still, in the only way she could, from her bed with her computer. If he is not taking action, I would be gentle rather than annoyed and judgmental. Maybe say, "thanks for looking out for us. I looked into that and it appears to be spam...but I appreciate the thought." The only time I asked someone (my sister-in-law, who was about that age), to stop sharing emails with me was very conservative ones that bordered on racism (they were pro-Christian/anti muslim). I said that they offended me and I preferred not to receive them. But otherwise, I would not get too worked up. |
Anonymous
| OP this is how it begins. Do they will and POA set up? So they have plans for their future? We saw this trainwreck coming and now dealing with it after years of seeing the warning signs ... (dad duped out of thousands of $ by fake family member being in jailed, dad having police called on him because he verbally attacked a receptionist, dad screaming that he has been hacked because of the scammy calls we all get everyday and moving thousands of $ from account to account, rooms in house full of electronics buys because he can't figure out how to use the first one and hoarding behaviour). THe weird out of place judgement is the first sign. The paranoia. |
Anonymous
OP here and this is exactly what I’m worried about. I just learned he took out a humongous personally guaranteed loan for a wacky business plan amd ha already spent most of the money with no income generated yet. And his current business is on the rocks due to COVID, and they have no retirement savings (the business equity was apparently their retirement). I just feel like his judgement is totally off, and my mom is too in the dark to know what’s happening.. I can’t even imagine how bad it will get before we are able to do a POA. He would never agree to that right now as he thinks he is completely capable and likes to brag about how much time he spends working, but nothing ever comes of it. Yikes |