Stop. The. Screaming.

[Anonymous]

My third kid is almost three and screams. So much screaming. Older siblings got down the stairs faster? Screaming freak out that she’s going to be left behind. No milk in her Cheerios yet (because I’m literally opening the fridge to get it)? Screaming. Sometimes we can’t understand what she’s saying because she’s screaming so incoherently, sometimes we can tell and try to explain that she can have what she wants when she can ask in a nice voice... And when she’s not screaming chances are she’s whining. Despite us being mostly consistent about pretending not to understand a whiny voice.

She’s always been like this. She’s actually way way better than she was at 18 months, when she would spend probably an hour a day in shrieking tantrums on the floor — being able to understand us and to make herself understood definitely help. It doesn’t seem to be sleep deprivation. She’s a cheerful, sweet, funny little person when she’s not absolutely losing her sh*t. Her pediatrician says there’s no medical cause, it’s behavioral/temperamental (she was a fussy baby too), but it’s driving me insane.

Please help.

[Anonymous]

What happens if you just let her scream?
Like just go to town, and when she stops deal with her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What happens if you just let her scream?
Like just go to town, and when she stops deal with her?

She’ll scream herself out eventually, after 20-30 minutes or so, but it’s really unpleasant for the rest of the family and often impractical if someone is on a call at the time.

[Anonymous]

Been there, still doing that. Youngest of three is 5. Still can't handle it if someone gets out of the car before him, freaks out if anyone laughs at him or looks at him the wrong way, or any time he feels like he's coming in last. I'm wondering when it gets better since 5 isn't it.

[Anonymous]

I have screamers too, OP, and I’ve asked my friends and I’ve posted here about it and never gotten helpful input. The consensus often seems to be “just ignore it!” But that advice has never worked and is very impractical in most contexts. My kids will also scream for astonishing periods of time, at a level 10, for more like 45 min to an hour.

I don’t really have advice. I’m just so sorry. The screaming completely rattles me and makes my parenting life miserable.

I will say my 4.5 year old now only does this rarely (once or twice a month?) but my 2.5 year old it’s in full swing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My third kid is almost three and screams. So much screaming. Older siblings got down the stairs faster? Screaming freak out that she’s going to be left behind. No milk in her Cheerios yet (because I’m literally opening the fridge to get it)? Screaming. Sometimes we can’t understand what she’s saying because she’s screaming so incoherently, sometimes we can tell and try to explain that she can have what she wants when she can ask in a nice voice... And when she’s not screaming chances are she’s whining. Despite us being mostly consistent about pretending not to understand a whiny voice.

She’s always been like this. She’s actually way way better than she was at 18 months, when she would spend probably an hour a day in shrieking tantrums on the floor — being able to understand us and to make herself understood definitely help. It doesn’t seem to be sleep deprivation. She’s a cheerful, sweet, funny little person when she’s not absolutely losing her sh*t. Her pediatrician says there’s no medical cause, it’s behavioral/temperamental (she was a fussy baby too), but it’s driving me insane.

Please help.

I would see someone. This doesn't seem quite right.

[Anonymous]

Put her in her bedroom the minute she starts and tell her she needs to stay there until she stops. Tell her this is the new plan when she is calm. Follow thru every single time.

[Anonymous]

OP again. I hesitate to call them tantrums because to my ear that has an implication of willfulness / manipulation, and I don’t think she’s doing it for attention — she just has zero chill, so when she can’t find her shoe or she bonks her head on a chair or something, she immediately becomes EXTREMELY LOUD. And if she just used her words — “Mom, can you peel my banana?” — is happily do it, but when she’s screaming incoherently I don’t know what she wants and couldn’t help if I wanted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put her in her bedroom the minute she starts and tell her she needs to stay there until she stops. Tell her this is the new plan when she is calm. Follow thru every single time.

This.
I tell my kid to have at it, but I don’t want to hear it.
When she’s ready to talk she can come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My third kid is almost three and screams. So much screaming. Older siblings got down the stairs faster? Screaming freak out that she’s going to be left behind. No milk in her Cheerios yet (because I’m literally opening the fridge to get it)? Screaming. Sometimes we can’t understand what she’s saying because she’s screaming so incoherently, sometimes we can tell and try to explain that she can have what she wants when she can ask in a nice voice... And when she’s not screaming chances are she’s whining. Despite us being mostly consistent about pretending not to understand a whiny voice.

She’s always been like this. She’s actually way way better than she was at 18 months, when she would spend probably an hour a day in shrieking tantrums on the floor — being able to understand us and to make herself understood definitely help. It doesn’t seem to be sleep deprivation. She’s a cheerful, sweet, funny little person when she’s not absolutely losing her sh*t. Her pediatrician says there’s no medical cause, it’s behavioral/temperamental (she was a fussy baby too), but it’s driving me insane.

Please help.

I would see someone. This doesn't seem quite right.

Who would you see? She has a 3yo checkup coming up so I can ask for a referral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I hesitate to call them tantrums because to my ear that has an implication of willfulness / manipulation, and I don’t think she’s doing it for attention — she just has zero chill, so when she can’t find her shoe or she bonks her head on a chair or something, she immediately becomes EXTREMELY LOUD. And if she just used her words — “Mom, can you peel my banana?” — is happily do it, but when she’s screaming incoherently I don’t know what she wants and couldn’t help if I wanted to.

Train her like a dog and don’t ever respond to the screaming.
She gets her treat when she stops barking.

[Anonymous]

It it okay to be angry, sad, whatever, but it is NOT ok okay to scream like that. That hurts our ears. I can't allow you to hurt others. Go find your calm in your room. When you can find your indoor voice come join us.

[Anonymous]

You might try these: When she is in a good mood, ask her why she screams. Tell her there are other ways to get her point across than screaming. It is really hard to be the youngest of three - she probably feels like she doesn't have much control in the house, everyone talks over her, leaves her behind, ignores her and screaming is her way of communicating over the noise.

If that doesn't work, the next time she does it, do it with her. I used to throw myself on the floor next to my tantrum throwing child and throw one with her. It threw her off completely and we ended up laughing about it.

Finally, what my other friend did was video tape it. And show her later.

But this is all about being heard and having some control.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely put her in her room and tell her she can rejoin the rest of the family when she can stop screaming. If that doesn't work, you may want to seek an evaluation for other issues.

[Anonymous]

I too have a 3 year old who screams/cries while I am getting him the thing he is asking for. We work on breathing and stating things more clearly because I can’t understand him when he uses that loud voice. And I’ve found asking if he wants a tissue usually gets him to wipe his face and collect himself. I know it’s just that he’s a toddler and has no emotional regulation, but my first was not like this. I think some kids are wired this way. Hopefully he outgrows this!