Recommend your couples counselor

[Anonymous]

If you see someone and like them please drop their name even if your situation is different than ours, any/all recs are helpful.

Some background: DH and I have been struggling with communication. He tends to be high strung, anxious, and very argumentative. I am more reserved and, while I have anxiety issues too, my coping is more internalized. So this often results in him trying to talk through anxiety-worst-case scenarios with me and me shutting him out until we both can't stand each other.

I'm on meds for anxiety and depression but not in counseling, dh has never tried therapy or meds and doesn't want to (but agreed to couples counseling). He is very intelligent and very good at winning arguments. His friends always joke that he can convince you of one thing in 10 minutes and then once he's convinced you, change is mind and convince you of the opposite thing just as quickly. He speaks quickly and confidently and always has a counter argument at the ready. He can be intimidating to have a conversation with especially when it's a topic he knows a lot about (which includes a lot of topics because he often researches and reads a lot about things that interest him). I'm worried he'll write off a therapist as an idiot quickly and we won't get anywhere productive. So any recommendations for someone who has been effective with similar a similar type of personality is appreciated.

Definitely looking for someone who approaches therapy from an evidence-based perspective and who can/will reference research as needed, not someone who is uses a more emotional/fluffy approach (if that makes sense), and definitely not anyone who uses a spiritual approach.

[Anonymous]

If he lies a lot, omits things or is verbally abusive only do individual therapy. Couples therapy later.

[Anonymous]

The way you describe him, I’m surprised he has friends. I imagine it would become very tiresome.

I’m sorry, OP - I know that’s not helpful. I wish you luck in finding a good couples counselor. I’ve heard the Gottman technique referenced here many times, and I believe it’s very evidence-based.

[Anonymous]

Any good Neurotypical/ Neurodiverse therapists or marriage counselors out there??

[Anonymous]

Agree you should go to counseling alone at this stage.

Your H is exhibiting behaviors which may be attributable to a personality disorder and based on what you've said, I highly doubt he will ever admit he is wrong. That's a problem.

No wonder you are anxious and depressed. Living with someone who believes they are perfection incarnate is a nightmare. Ask me how I know.