Will sleep training help?

[Anonymous]

I have a 4.5 month old baby and I’m desperate to figure sleep out before I go back to work at 6 months. He has never been a good sleeper. He has done a 5-7 hour stretch a handful of times, but he is still waking every 2-3 hours. Some times he wakes to eat ( though I don’t think he needs it) and other times he wakes up ( sometimes very 45 minutes) because he can’t self-soothe and needs to be rocked back to sleep. I have tried doing a routine and a gentle method to teach him to self-soothe, but nothing has worked. His naps are decent but it’s usually with me holding him. I haven’t slept more than 4 hours since he was born and I’m exhausted. The other night he woke up after we put him to bed and I let him cry while I was in the shower ( maybe 20 minutes) and he fell back asleep. The baby is pretty happy but has fussy days when he doesn’t sleep or nap well. My husband said we should sleep train, but I feel so guilty letting him cry. Is it selfish to sleep train or will it benefit the baby?

[Anonymous]

OMG sleep train. It was the best thing we did.

I do think it's best for the baby - he needs more sleep than he's getting. A good stretch of sleep, and my kid got so much happier. The week you do it, it sucks, but then it's better for EVERYONE.

We used the Sleep Easy Solution book. Strongly recommend. It'll help you night wean as well, and it's a pretty fast read. Get it from Amazon today, read it, start sleep training this weekend.

[Anonymous]

Sleep train. If he's up every 2 hours and only getting 45 minutes sleep during naps, he's probably constantly overtired. Agree with PP that you'll see a much happier baby after some good sleep. Better a rough few days than keeping this up for another two months.

I did Ferber and it worked very well and very quickly (no crying at all by day 3), and although I did it for night sleep I was completely shocked that she started putting together 2 hour naps during the day immediately, up from her standard 44 minutes. It makes sense in retrospect that it helped daytime sleep, but it's not why we trained so I wasn't expecting it.

[Anonymous]

Yes, sleep training is the best! Think of sleep training as gifting your child with the ability to fall asleep on their own. You will be thankful you did it down the road.

If you're nervous about the crying I would actually do extinction rather than the check-in method. It will be painful for a couple nights but you can do it! If you need to, have DH put him to bed while you're at the opposite end of the house with headphones on high until the crying stops. Good luck

[Anonymous]

It depends. Does he eat enough? Is he a good weight? I would make sure those things are fine before sleep training?

[Anonymous]

Why doesn’t your husband help? It’s all you getting up, not him.

[Anonymous]

Sleep training was life-changing. And while I dreaded it, it wasn't that bad: 30 min of crying on night 1. Five minutes on night 2. One minute on night 3. And done. I wish I hadn't built it up so much in my head!

[Anonymous]

Yes. Sleep train.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sleep training was life-changing. And while I dreaded it, it wasn't that bad: 30 min of crying on night 1. Five minutes on night 2. One minute on night 3. And done. I wish I hadn't built it up so much in my head!

I will just add that even if it IS bad (our kid cried for 87 minutes on night one, and was still occasionally crying through naps in week 2) it’s STILL worth it. You get through it. It’s a week, two at max. And oh my god the improvement in my baby’s disposition once he was getting enough sleep was remarkable.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the replies! We are going to sleep train this weekend. What is the difference between Ferber and extinction? What method worked better for your baby? Do you do it for both night sleep and naps?

He is a decent napper. Some days he has only 30 minute naps, and other days he has 1-3 hour naps, but those are usually when I’m holding him.

He eats very well. He is combo fed and eats 28-32oz a day. Many times during the night he will wake and won’t be hungry or only eat 1oz. There is only one feed that he eats a full bottle. Most nights he just wakes up and then can’t put himself back to sleep.

My husband is very involved and wonderful. I’m home and he works so it makes sense for me to get up with him. He does get up sometimes and he does the morning feeding and bedtime routine.

The pediatrician said we can sleep train. We had his appointment last week and is in the 50th percentile for weight and 90 percentile for height.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for all the replies! We are going to sleep train this weekend. What is the difference between Ferber and extinction? What method worked better for your baby? Do you do it for both night sleep and naps?

He is a decent napper. Some days he has only 30 minute naps, and other days he has 1-3 hour naps, but those are usually when I’m holding him.

He eats very well. He is combo fed and eats 28-32oz a day. Many times during the night he will wake and won’t be hungry or only eat 1oz. There is only one feed that he eats a full bottle. Most nights he just wakes up and then can’t put himself back to sleep.

My husband is very involved and wonderful. I’m home and he works so it makes sense for me to get up with him. He does get up sometimes and he does the morning feeding and bedtime routine.

The pediatrician said we can sleep train. We had his appointment last week and is in the 50th percentile for weight and 90 percentile for height.

Ferber is with checks. I forget how long exactly, but you let him cry for a period of time, then go check on him and, I believe, verbally soothe, then leave. Full on extinction, you just put him down and walk away, even if it takes an hour of crying, you don’t go back in.

I think either is fine. Some babies get riled up if you go in, so checks can make the total crying longer. Some find it helpful. It’s impossible to know, so just pick. For most babies, the difference is negligible - the consistency is what’s important.

I posted above that I used The Sleep Easy Solution, which also has checks. I liked it because the key thing with sleep training is consistency. If you’re not doing checks and you realize something is off (like you forgot to turn on the sound machine or there’s light coming from a crack in the curtain or something) you’re kinda stuck. If you’re doing checks, that’s the kinda thing you can quickly fix during your next check. In a personal example from when we were training - the cat got in there at one point. Well, we just got him out at the next scheduled check.

I would recommend night sleep, then continuing with naps the next day. I think it’s confusing for babies if sometimes they’re soothed to sleep and sometimes they’re not.

[Anonymous]

Still train is always the answer. It’s 7:30 PM and my baby will be asleep until 7:30 tomorrow. She’s been like this since 4 months. It is truly amazing.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for sleep train. We did extinction with both kids at 4 months (keeping one night fed per pediatrician).

[Anonymous]

YES. a few days of hell for a lifetime of sleep.
so worth it.
read weissbluth.

[Anonymous]

We did Ferber but I highly encourage you do read the book. It explains what to do and why and will give you confidence to move forward after 10 minutes of crying when you're ready to bust down the door and get your kid.