Siblings at different schools (elementary)

[Anonymous]

My kids are very different so we’re considering enrolling them at 2 different elementary schools. Can anyone who has had 2 children at different schools (either 2 privates or 1 private & 1 public) please comment on how that has worked out for your family. Has it changed the sibling relationship & their closeness (e.g. due to less competition or fewer shared experiences)? Have the logistics driven you crazy? Has it lead to jealousy? Would you do it again? Anything else you would recommend I consider for my early elementary kids. Thanks for your help during this exciting but stressful decision week.

[Anonymous]

One of my kids has disabilities and she and her brother have always been at different schools. There has not been any expressed jealousy and no questions about why X gets to go to that school while I go to this school. We talk frequently about how different people need different things and the need to find best fit schools for everyone. My kids are not particularly close, but that is as likely to be the disability than different schools. It has been difficult for me -- most years, it takes two adults to get everyone where they need to go in the morning, which makes things very difficult when DH or I need to travel or go to work early. Different school calendars are also a child care PITA.

[Anonymous]

We had a period of time where 2 of our kids were in public and the other 2 were in parochial school. One of the biggest headaches was the difference in homework and workload. Lots more homework, summer reading, projects for the two in parochial and it caused some friction and comments how it wasn't "fair" their siblings didn't have as much work to do. If the two schools had had similar philosophies on homework it wouldn't have been as big of a deal.

Uniforms for 2 kids and not for the other 2 was also a little tough and kind of the same issue.

Different school schedules was tough to deal with, not just days off for vacation but start and stop times, so logistics for drop-offs and pickups were more complicated.

Everything else was fine. They rarely saw each other at school anyway so it wasn't that big of deal to be in different schools. I just think we would have had an easier time if the two schools were more similar to each other.

[Anonymous]

I have twins and considered this. Right now they are at the same school, two different classes and it can be challenging with they are working one different things. Not sure I would want to do two separate schools but I would if I thought it was best.

[Anonymous]

We have three schools. Two in private, one in public. All of them started in public, but with the age spread we were always in two or three schools anyway.

I find that at the elementary level, I need to be organized. As the kids get older, I bring them into the fold. If you don't tell me it is pizza fundraiser night well in advance, then odds are we aren't having pizza that night! I put everything on the calendar. Absolutely everything. We pick and choose what we go to.

My kids like the separation and like to have their own things. It gives everyone something to talk about at the dinner table, at least! Homework has shaken out so that the oldest has the most, then middle, then youngest. It seems normal enough, so no one is jealous or upset about it. The only thing that anyone gets mad about is that the middle kid, who eats the least, has the BEST school lunch service. Not an issue this year, but they will fight about something!

[Anonymous]

I had one in public, one in private for several years, and now I have two different privates (MS/HS).

The kids are very good with it. They've been happy with their schools and social circles, so no sibling issues for us. I have one of each gender, but they are both in coed schools.

Logistics are trickier. If you work, it's especially hard and seems like someone is always having a day off. We have never had the same spring break and now they are too old to let one miss several days to work something out. Mornings are fine, each parent takes a kid, and we've been lucky with the schedule this year, I can get between schools with half hour difference in dismissal. The way the schedule was supposed to be, my MS was going to have to take public transportation home, so one Covid benefit was kicking that down the road a year. Many schools have bus service, it just happens that with my location, it makes more sense to take metro bus.

I can really see my younger kid going to the same HS as the older one and that could be the two best years of my life

Truthfully, my kids have always been in the best school for their different needs, and I wouldn't change that unless I really couldn't swing the logistics.

[Anonymous]

Unless the two kids really couldn’t thrive (or don’t get admitted) to the same school, I would try to keep them together. Done schools even offer a sibling discount, if cost is a factor. How old are they and how many grades apart?

[Anonymous]

It’s worked out fine so far but we’re one two years in.

[Anonymous]

We have our kids at two different privates and we are a few years in. Older child is now in middle school. It's worked well though is helped by both parents having somewhat flexible jobs, which makes morning dropoff especially easier. Also one of the schools is extremely close to our house; the other one is about a 20-minute drive. If both were a hike I think that would be harder.

It's been very positive for the kids, especially the younger one. She has often been overshadowed by the older sibling and I think having her own school has been a good thing. No jealousy or other issues--they each recognize they're in a school that suits them and are content.

Logistically, would it be easier if they were in the same school? Yes, but it's not such a huge inconvenience and the pluses outweigh the minuses for us.

[Anonymous]

My DCs are 5 years apart and have always attended different privates. We were new to the area with the oldest DC and made a different choice for youngest DC based on what we learned.

When they were both at different privates, it was very difficult logistically. Eventually, the oldest DC wanted a bigger school so moved to public for high school. Managing one private/ one public has been much easier than managing two privates. We found that the different school environments of the two privates were very difficult to combine in one family. Each school had a clear school culture and often seemed to conflict- back to school nights were always on the same night, major school events often conflicted, and fundraising/volunteering often conflicted. When the oldest started public, the events almost never conflict. We like to be an involved family and our DCs like to do extracurriculars in and out of school, so this was much more manageable with the public/private combination than two private schools.

[Anonymous]

Thank you! I’m not sure what we’ll decide, but thank you for sharing your experiences.

[Anonymous]

school holidays kind of suck as they are rarely aligned (and when you get 2 weeks for spring break this becomes an issue). We had 2 kids at different schools for 1 year (in K and 2). it was fine academically and there were no fights between the kids. But, it just became too inconvenient with the duplication in back to school nights, different teacher off days etc. we are a two parent working family so the logistics mattered.

[Anonymous]

I have twins, one public, one Big3. It's what they preferred for middle school. Second twin is now headed to private for 9th grade.

[Anonymous]

When we moved geographies with slightly older kids (2 elementary and one in middle school), we realized how different they were and how different schools appealed to them. So we put them in two different schools. One plus that we didn’t even realize was how much our youngest loved being her own person at her schools vs “the youngest sibling” and “so and sos little sister.” She has really come into her own and grown into a confident, independent person. She would have been fine at her siblings’ school, but she has never once wanted to switch schools.

[Anonymous]

We have two elementary kids at two different schools. They are 5 minutes apart but carpool takes longer. However, especially older one needed his space and younger one is doing well in his school, so it’s going well so far. Sometimes socially it’s easier to put them in different schools so that they have their own world. Less convenient? Yes. Regrets? No.