How to get your toddler to play alone?

[Anonymous]

Our ds only likes to play when there is an adult engaging him/playing with him. This is getting exhausting, and makes me worry about why he can’t play by himself. Did anyone else have a toddler like this and what did you do? What is the best way to get an almost-3 year old to spend time playing alone?

[Anonymous]

Oh - this post will probably really help you!

https://www.babywisemom.com/starting-independent-playtime-late/

Independent playtime has saved my sanity as a mom, highly recommend. Our nanny calls it "me time" which I also find adorable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our ds only likes to play when there is an adult engaging him/playing with him. This is getting exhausting, and makes me worry about why he can’t play by himself. Did anyone else have a toddler like this and what did you do? What is the best way to get an almost-3 year old to spend time playing alone?

I find it helps to get him started and then kind of back away- eg say "let's do magna tiles!" and then help start building and then let him do his own thing.

I also found this article from the Busy Toddler blog useful when I was trying to get my kid to play with sensory bins- the messaging can be applied to other areas as well.

https://busytoddler.com/2016/12/introducing-toddlers-to-sensory-bins/

[Anonymous]

My kid is younger but tends to play independently better when she plays with ordinary household objects/non-toys. Putting colored bendy straws inside a water bottle, playing with spice jars, etc.

[Anonymous]

It’s not developmentally appropriate to expect them to play alone for very long. If you are doing housework or some such, you can include them in it. If you are doing paid work or want to be alone - well, that’s why kids are tiring. It’s part of it. There’s nothing wrong with your kid, adjust your expectations accordingly.

[Anonymous]

These helped me:

https://www.janetlansbury.com/2017/10/independent-play-five-hints-to-get-the-ball-rolling/

https://www.janetlansbury.com/2018/08/its-really-okay-to-say-no-to-playing-with-your-child-5-reasons/

https://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/05/stop-entertaining-your-toddler-in-3-steps-2/

The poster who said have reasonable expectations is also right. It will be a slow build but it's definitely possible. Some of it is personality, but some of it you can foster. At just turned 3 my son can now play independently for probably an hour, more in certain scenarios like with sand/pots/pans/shovels. Will he always do that? No. But some days he will. Some of that was fostered at his school I think who really fosters imaginative play, some of it is his personality (big imagination), and then I think we've tried to be intentional to encourage it as best we can at home.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a really common issue OP. I know we've really been through it this year while we've all been home a lot.

One thing that has helped us is identifying exactly what you child needs. It's not always the same thing. Sometimes wants your to play with him because he doesn't yet understand the toy he's playing with and needs guidance. Sometimes he is just feeling insecure and needs that reconnection with you and to feel loved. Sometimes he's engaged in an activity that is simply more fun with someone else. Figuring out why he's asking can help.

For instance, my DD is in a morning PK program three days a week. She has a harder time playing on her own in the afternoon on those days, because she needs some check in time with one of us. School is still new for her and it really helps her to get parent time on those days to help her deal with the adjustment to being around other adults and other kids and what I'm sure are some tough realities around sharing and cooperating in a larger group. But this doesn't mean we have to play directly with her for four hours. It means that we are very intentional about sitting down with her when she gets home and focusing on her for a while, offering some support and reassurance as we debrief school, and offering encouragement as she starts to play. And then she'll play pretty independently as long as we are nearby. If we try to leave her alone in her room, she'll come looking for us because she still needs that touchpoint.

Extremely different vibe on a Sunday morning when she's just deep into a role playing game with her babies and needs one of us to come play a specific role for the game to work. We have to pay attention to what's driving her need because it allows us to make accommodate it in different ways (and not focus all of our attention on her 100% of the time, which is obviously not realistic).