PPD triggered by being away from baby?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 10 months old. She's my first. Ever since I went back to work when she was 3 months old, I've felt so depressed during the day when I'm away from her, and then perfectly happy during evenings and weekends when she is home with me. It's like I'm two different people. Has anyone else felt like this?

[Anonymous]

Yes, this happened to me. I was already being treated for PPD when I returned to work and it went off a cliff. I quit my job and it got better (well I begged work to let me take unpaid leave first, and they said no, so I quit). It was financially hard for us but worth the sacrifice so that I could be home with my baby until we were both ready for separation.

There were women in my PPD support group who were the opposite— their PPD started getting better when they returned to work. They missed their babies, but seemed to be helped by the return to adult company and routine. I think part of the difference for me was that my work was very isolating. What about you, OP? Is your workplace social and supportive (are you in person?). Or are you alone? I think it’s really really hard to be alone AND away from your baby that first year. It can feel good in small doses, but I found it very hard.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Stopping breastfeeding really helped. It was so bad that my doctor insisted I wean at four mo this. So much was hormonal as I knew my baby was happy and safe at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this happened to me. I was already being treated for PPD when I returned to work and it went off a cliff. I quit my job and it got better (well I begged work to let me take unpaid leave first, and they said no, so I quit). It was financially hard for us but worth the sacrifice so that I could be home with my baby until we were both ready for separation.

There were women in my PPD support group who were the opposite— their PPD started getting better when they returned to work. They missed their babies, but seemed to be helped by the return to adult company and routine. I think part of the difference for me was that my work was very isolating. What about you, OP? Is your workplace social and supportive (are you in person?). Or are you alone? I think it’s really really hard to be alone AND away from your baby that first year. It can feel good in small doses, but I found it very hard.

This is OP, thanks for the reply. You mentioned you ended up quitting to stay home with baby until you were both ready to be apart -when was that? I'm thinking of quitting to be with her.

I work from home (mostly alone - husband goes into his office for half the week) and baby goes to daycare because I can't get my job done and care for her at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Are there people in your life who have made you feel badly for your decision? Like you told your best friend baby was going to daycare and she rattled off a story of a baby who died at daycare? Or your MIL makes comments about women who put their career first and aren't real mothers? I found that those kinds of comments upped my mom guilt to 100 and I would replay them in my head over and over again. Not the same as PPD but being away from her made me think about those things.

Something to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there people in your life who have made you feel badly for your decision? Like you told your best friend baby was going to daycare and she rattled off a story of a baby who died at daycare? Or your MIL makes comments about women who put their career first and aren't real mothers? I found that those kinds of comments upped my mom guilt to 100 and I would replay them in my head over and over again. Not the same as PPD but being away from her made me think about those things.

Something to consider.

This is OP, no one has said anything mean about her going to daycare. I think I just miss her a lot, and probably something with hormones.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. It was pretty bad. My baby was taken care of at home by his grandma when I returned to work, but it broke. my. heart. every day to be away from him. I was still nursing, so pumping at work I just looked at pictures of him and tried to not cry. Obviously it doesn’t work for everyone, but I switched to a part-time work-from-home position and it got better immediately. It’s unfortunate that with the push for women to return to work, we make women think they are crazy for not wanting to leave their infant.

[Anonymous]

Like a previous PP, mine was awful every Monday when I returned to working from home with a nanny at home (I was still too busy to spend much time with my baby during the day). I ended up quitting after trying for 5 months and felt immediately better the moment my husband and I made the decision for me to quit. Planning to stay home til he's in preschool (so maybe around 3?). I think if we had better policies in this country, like protecting women's jobs for the first year (even if unpaid), I would have made a different decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Like a previous PP, mine was awful every Monday when I returned to working from home with a nanny at home (I was still too busy to spend much time with my baby during the day). I ended up quitting after trying for 5 months and felt immediately better the moment my husband and I made the decision for me to quit. Planning to stay home til he's in preschool (so maybe around 3?). I think if we had better policies in this country, like protecting women's jobs for the first year (even if unpaid), I would have made a different decision.

I'm this PP and included that info to say that even in a wfh situation with my baby here, my PPD was really triggered by not physically taking care of my baby for majority of the day 5 days a week.

[Anonymous]

This is why some people stay home with their babies! There's nothing wrong with you if you want to be with your infant all day instead of at work. So many countries give women a whole year of leave so they don't have to be in your situation.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. I HATED being away from my baby even though I had to and I know she was being well taken care of. I went part time when I could and felt so much better.

[Anonymous]

I think Covid parents and Covid children all should be in serious therapy. Especially FTPs.