How to deal with forgetful nanny?

[Anonymous]

Our nanny has been with us for several years, but went full-time with us less than a year ago when we had baby #2. Because of the higher hours and additional child, her responsibilities also increased (along with her pay). Since then, her forgetfulness has been an ongoing issue. They are for the most part small things, e.g., child-related household duties, but recently, she applied topical medication to my baby incorrectly. Nothing of a life and death nature, but reduced the efficacy of the drug, which sucks since it couldn't be reapplied for another three days. I happened to catch it in conversation with her, but it makes me wonder what else she's forgetting that I haven't caught.

Our nanny is in her early 30s so it's not age-related. I think she's just naturally forgetful and not very detail-oriented. For certain things like the medication, I could tell she was upset so it wasn't because she doesn't care. For the little things, possibly she doesn't think they're thaaat big a deal so doesn't make it a point to remember.

Replacing her is not an option for reasons not worth getting into. I don't want to reduce her responsibilities because I really can't take on any more given how difficult everyone working/going to school from home has made things, plus some are impossible to delegate. What if anything can I do to address her forgetfulness? Also, I can only address the forgetting episodes that I catch, but I worry about the things that I haven't or can't catch. What can we do about the latter?

[Anonymous]

Write things down. Post it’s are your friend! I don’t have a nanny, I am not a nanny but I am and have always been forgetful. I learned that I had to write everything down in order to remember. The exercise of writing things down was a big help but also the visual reminder kept me on track. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Forgetful person here. Make lists and give reminders and check back for the important stuff. Let the unimportant stuff go.

[Anonymous]

A forgetful nanny would very stressful. If it gets worse, you do need to think about replacing her. Even if you brought her back on a visa to work for your family, you can replace her. I know you're not willing to at this point and it doesn't sound like it's urgent. It does sound like it's getting worse. It might be time to have a serious talk with her about what's on her mind, things that might be troubling her that you don't know about. I know when I am ultra stressed, I become forgetful. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Physical checklist. There’s a whole push to use checklists in all kind of professions and it seems like nannying is a great application for it. I’ve seen magnetic ones too. The downside is she may feel condescended to or micromanaged but if neonatologists are not above using them in the hospital it doesn’t seem like she should be.

[Anonymous]

I like the list idea OP. Is there anyway you could blame it's use on you somehow? That you have been so stressed at work, you worry that something has been done and having this list helps YOU. Maybe? Just an idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the list idea OP. Is there anyway you could blame it's use on you somehow? That you have been so stressed at work, you worry that something has been done and having this list helps YOU. Maybe? Just an idea.

Hang on, now..why in the world would OP need to put this on herself? This is the nanny's job, it's her profession and she's been lacking lately. OP should couch it for what it is and tell her exactly why she's implementing a list system. Especially the wrong cream on the baby. Not good. Also, if you weren't performing well at your job, would your boss give you constructive feedback and then tell you it's for them, not you? No. If you didn't pick up the pace and get your job done, eventually you'd be fired. I get that nannies are different. They're in our home and taking care of our kids and that can make some people want to shy away from even a small chance of offending them or hurting their feelings. That's not ok. Treat her as a professional, kind and fair. She'll appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm going to start making her daily lists. I resisted this before because I didn't want to seem like I was micromanaging her, but I doubt it'll bother her (she's easy-going) and I think it'll help.

There's only so much I can list out, though... Our nanny picks up my older kid from school several times a week and the first day of school after the holiday break, she misremembered the pick-up time as 2:05 instead of 2 p.m. It's not even she forgot and needed to ask me (which would've been okay), but that she recalled an incorrect time. And we don't have anything in our schedule that is X:05 that she could have confused it with... She does this sort of thing from time to time. I can easily write down times in my list, but there are so many little details like this that she *should* remember, but... doesn't.

A PP asked whether she might have something on her mind that's making her forgetful. It's certainly possible with the pandemic, but honestly, I don't think that's the issue since this has been ongoing since she went full-time and we sometimes talk about her family and personal life and nothing has stuck out. Her life frankly is about as easy as it gets given the pandemic; young, healthy, single, family out of state (they're healthy, too), good friends she bubbles with, work schedule is light, duties not tough (she's mostly with the baby).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm going to start making her daily lists. I resisted this before because I didn't want to seem like I was micromanaging her, but I doubt it'll bother her (she's easy-going) and I think it'll help.

There's only so much I can list out, though... Our nanny picks up my older kid from school several times a week and the first day of school after the holiday break, she misremembered the pick-up time as 2:05 instead of 2 p.m. It's not even she forgot and needed to ask me (which would've been okay), but that she recalled an incorrect time. And we don't have anything in our schedule that is X:05 that she could have confused it with... She does this sort of thing from time to time. I can easily write down times in my list, but there are so many little details like this that she *should* remember, but... doesn't.

A PP asked whether she might have something on her mind that's making her forgetful. It's certainly possible with the pandemic, but honestly, I don't think that's the issue since this has been ongoing since she went full-time and we sometimes talk about her family and personal life and nothing has stuck out. Her life frankly is about as easy as it gets given the pandemic; young, healthy, single, family out of state (they're healthy, too), good friends she bubbles with, work schedule is light, duties not tough (she's mostly with the baby).

2:05? That sounds like she was late and then lied about it by saying she forgot. Especially if she was picking up the kid at 2PM prior and only had a week off from doing that. If she truly forgot, I would be very worried about her mental capacity as it is frightening that someone in their 30s would forget what time school pickup is after only a week's break.

For pickup from school, I put a recurring google calendar appointment that I share with our nanny, so it's on her schedule and mine. No ability to "forget" what time to pick up the kids because it's on the calendar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. Thanks everyone for the responses. I'm going to start making her daily lists. I resisted this before because I didn't want to seem like I was micromanaging her, but I doubt it'll bother her (she's easy-going) and I think it'll help.

There's only so much I can list out, though... Our nanny picks up my older kid from school several times a week and the first day of school after the holiday break, she misremembered the pick-up time as 2:05 instead of 2 p.m. It's not even she forgot and needed to ask me (which would've been okay), but that she recalled an incorrect time. And we don't have anything in our schedule that is X:05 that she could have confused it with... She does this sort of thing from time to time. I can easily write down times in my list, but there are so many little details like this that she *should* remember, but... doesn't.

A PP asked whether she might have something on her mind that's making her forgetful. It's certainly possible with the pandemic, but honestly, I don't think that's the issue since this has been ongoing since she went full-time and we sometimes talk about her family and personal life and nothing has stuck out. Her life frankly is about as easy as it gets given the pandemic; young, healthy, single, family out of state (they're healthy, too), good friends she bubbles with, work schedule is light, duties not tough (she's mostly with the baby).

2:05? That sounds like she was late and then lied about it by saying she forgot. Especially if she was picking up the kid at 2PM prior and only had a week off from doing that. If she truly forgot, I would be very worried about her mental capacity as it is frightening that someone in their 30s would forget what time school pickup is after only a week's break.

For pickup from school, I put a recurring google calendar appointment that I share with our nanny, so it's on her schedule and mine. No ability to "forget" what time to pick up the kids because it's on the calendar.

OP again. She forgot and she was late. She's actually really honest and told me she thought school ended at 2:05 *and* that she got there closer to 2:10. Also, it was closer to a month off, not a week, due to a combination of several factors (school non-holiday closure, nanny PTO). Given it had been that long, I totally would've understood if she needed to run the pick-up time by me, but it was odd that she remembered a different time.

I'll ask nanny about having a shared calendar, that's a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Long time nanny here. My main advice is to tread carefully with the notes/ checklists. If I showed up for my job, a job I'd held for more than 6 months, and all of a sudden, without warning, there was a checklist of my duties left out for me, I would feel upset.

My advice is to schedule a time to talk with her, ideally in person without interruptions from children, or even just a phone conversation after the kids are in bed. Explain to her that you think overall she's doing a good job and your kids love her and you want to keep working with her, but you've noticed that she's been forgetting things (bring up some examples), and you want to help her do her job more efficiently. You might even say "I really don't want you to feel like you are being micromanaged... but I feel that having a checklist for each day (or each week) might help, is that something you are open to? Do you have any other ideas for how we can address this issue?" And then of course at the end, reiterate that you are happy with her work overall and that you want to continue to work with her.

I think addressing the issue directly and openly with her first is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

This is a job and she’s an employee. You’ve upped her responsibilities somewhat recently and it’s now time for a performance review. Schedule it. Speak plainly. Say what’s going well and where she’s not meeting expectations. Set goals and bottom line her requirements.

She’s in a position of trust and is not living up to it.