Paternity leave?
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Anonymous
| I am currently not working. Nor have any plans to go back to work. This is our first baby. Hubby works from home. Is 12 weeks paternity leave a good idea? |
Anonymous
|
Are you asking from a personal/family standpoint, or more of a financial/career standpoint?
For the former, I think paternity leave is amazing. I think it's essential in the first several weeks, when mom is still recovering. But even apart from that, I think it offers so much benefit for fathers to really share in the parenting experience. Many men have little to no experience with babies, especially newborns. That, combined with mothers usually taking more time off at the birth of a baby often results in moms taking the lead on caring for the baby. With paternity leave, dads are able to share in that care and work right from the start, helping them not only bond with the baby and alleviate some of the stress on mom, but also gain confidence in their ability as a caregiver. For the latter, I think it's highly dependent on the company. I've worked at several, and I've generally found that most dads took whatever was offered and that no one seem to bat an eye at it. While it seems routine for women to take maternity leave and then add vacation or LWOP, I haven't seen that very much with men. I think more and more, paternity leave is becoming standard and accepted, but your DH probably has a much better sense of how taking leave might affect how he's viewed at work, etc. |
Anonymous
|
OP here- thanks for your reply.
My husband is of the opinion that 2 adults are not needed to care for the baby. Plus he has assured me he will help with night time wakings and feedings etc, grocery shopping, laundry. he really thinks there won’t be that much to do for both parents and he can help even when he is working. I am not so sure he is right. |
Anonymous
You don't have to decide now. You can see how it goes and revisit the question later on. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like us. Having my husband on duty with me 24/7 made a huge difference especially in the early sleep deprived days. He had 6 weeks off, and the first week or so he went back had a few tough days (when you're trying to juggle everything). He's now working from home most of the time, with at least one day back in the office, but he's got a lot of flexibility to be home. I would say if he has the leave, take it, especially if you have no family nearby to help. |
Anonymous
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Your husband is going to be exhausted too. (unless he's sleeping in the guest room with ear plugs). Also, he might find that he really enjoys being near the newborn and caring for it. Being home at night isn't the same as caring for it during the day.
I think at least 2 weeks would be good. |
Anonymous
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DH took 7 weeks and honestly it was really nice. We got to bond as a family,
Go on outings (this was right before the pandemic hit). But if you aren’t working and he isn’t going to be paid that whole time that’s another story. |
Anonymous
| My husband took barely a couple days off. I was left alone to deal with the baby each time. My husband is a workaholic. He doesn’t find caring for the baby mentally stimulating. He would always ask me so what am I supposed to do ? Do you really need me? Etc. i told him he could go to work. That was precovid obviously. I feel it was unfair and selfish on his part to not help and make it seem that there was no need for his help. |
Anonymous
| 12 weeks sound nice but not necessary. My husband took 3 weeks off and I cried when he went back to work but I was okay. If your husband can work and also handle grocery shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, then you will be good. |
Anonymous
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I think it just depends. I think a 3wks-month minimum. More if you have a C.
SO was asked by senior mgt to take the full leave to normalize taking the full amount so we figure that's blessing enough but he'll probably consider phasing in working PT from home towards the end. A common arrangement I see is that mom feeds the baby and dad does all diaper changes, etc, so mom can rest and relax. Sounds good to me! |
Anonymous
| DH's company gives 16 weeks paid parental leave, and it was AMAZING. DH says he can't imagine not taking that much time off. I realize 16 paid week is a luxury, but he tells every dad to take as much time as they possibly can. |
Anonymous
My husband was great when he was home on leave and once he went back to work he basically forgot these household tasks exist. He’d literally be working at home and watch me juggle cleaning the bathroom while trying to get the baby to nap and never once thought to ask if he should help. I would definitely have a sit down now and plan who does what tasks when baby first arrives and once he’s back at work. |
Anonymous
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I SAH, my DH took 12 weeks with each of our three babies.
The first few weeks he - or someone - is absolutely needed. You will be recovering from childbirth!! Even if you 100% take care of baby, someone will need to take care of you. After that I think the more time he can take the better. I’m convinced that the time DH spent on leave made him such a really confident father and helped him bond with our kids. And with the first kid, having 12 weeks together was fabulous for our relationship at a time that could otherwise have been quite difficult. |
Anonymous
| Sure it’s not “necessary” but normalizing parental leave helps everyone. If he can take it, he should.0 |
Anonymous
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Definitely take at least a few weeks.
You may end up with an unexpected cesarean and not be able to even lift your baby at first. Not to scare you but it's always possible. |