Mentally Ill Parents

[Anonymous]

In the last few years, both of my parents have become severely mentally ill and abusive towards each other. They have never had a good marriage but after retirement and the pandemic isolation, their situation has deteriorated to the point where I contacted their local health department to see if they had resources that could help. Both are refusing to see a doctor and are plagued with extreme paranoia to the point that no one besides the two of them can enter their house for a few minutes without one of them lashing out in anger, fear, or hiding behind a closed door. They are violent with each other and have bruises from these incidents. One of them is mentally ill and has delusions but physically healthy. The other is in poor health from heart problems, high blood pressure, obesity, and mental illness. I live two hours away and don’t have other family who can step in to help. They are so paranoid that they won’t speak to me for more than five minutes about mundane topics like the weather before devolving into paranoid threats. Their local health department was not helpful. They just told me to leave them alone until an emergency occurs and the local resources can get involved. Is there anything I can do? I just want them to seek medical care independently and take a break from each other to heal. I’m hesitant to deal with them directly because of their physically violent, threatening behavior. It is truly terrifying to see. I visited them a few weeks ago for the first time during the pandemic and had to leave early due to their behavior. I was concerned about my own liability considering that they have no other family. I did not want to be accused of elder abuse. I showed up after asking if I could visit and was shocked.

And before anyone says guardianship, that is a very tough hill to climb legally and would contribute to their paranoia. They are in their late 60s.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you are dealing with this. Yes, beware there is someone on another board who always chimes in with how easy peasy guardianship is...not for all of us.

Have you contacted Adult Protective Services? I would. Document everything too.

Even if you had family closeby, there is only so much they can do. It's an impssible situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need a social worker and a lawyer. You may be able to have them taken into a hospital under the Baker Act, put on Medicaid and moved into a LT care facility, which Medicaid would pay for. Keep an eye on states with filial laws, though.

There really aren't any great options if they aren't able to be safe at home anymore, though.

[Anonymous]

You can't force them to do anything. That's the problem. So unless there is some other reason to intercede - something in the home environment like hoarding or no functioning heat - then you have limited options.

If your parents have medical issues, which they do because you've described them, then presumably they have physicians. Have you tried contacting their doctors and talking with them about it? You would need to schedule an appointment, which you should be able to do as a tele-visit. You may want to ask the doctors when was the last time your parents were in for visits or if the docs have been renewing scripts over the phone. It may be possible for the doctors to tell your parents that they need to come in for an appointment in order for scripts to be renewed. That would give the docs a chance to look at your parents and see what kind of shape they really are in.

You also might want to reach out to the agency in their jurisdiction that provides services and support to the elderly. They may be able to get your parents hooked up with some services, like Meals on Wheels or other organizations, that could be part of their safety net.

[Anonymous]

Watch the show 'I Care A Lot'. You can get guardianship really easily.