Would you keep a nanny who doesn't engage much with your DC but is otherwise good?

[Anonymous]

We've had our current nanny for almost 18 months (since my DC1 was about nine months old). She is pretty good in most respects, but I feel like she doesn't engage/play with my son as much as I would like. In other words, doesn't read enough with him, play games outside (we have a large backyard area and we live in a temperate climate where you can go outside year round), etc. I actually never would have noticed this but for the fact that the after hours babysitter we use sometimes is so much more engaged and does all of those things and more. I've talked to her about doing more with my DC1 (who is now in part time pre school three mornings a week) but it's never clicked. DC2 is six months old and I've already started noticing the same pattern with him (she sits outside with him in his chair but then just looks at her phone for half an hour). There are a few other minor issues with her (she's consistently 10 minutes late every morning, which I've tried to address with her but have concluded will never improve) but besides that she is reliable and my DC1 likes her well enough. We've given her two raises since she started with us and she's now paid almost $25/hr (above market in my area). Anything else I should do/try other than either just accept this is how she is OR start looking for someone else?

[Anonymous]

Lol! Her main job is to engage with your child. If she doesn’t do that, you need to find someone better!!

[Anonymous]

Its good for kids to have some independent play but not all day. Definitely not to sit in a chair with caretaker on phone.

[Anonymous]

No way. Time for her to go. From what you've described she's not actually doing her job.

I get it OP. We kept an okay nanny for longer than we should have because it's so hard to make the switch to someone new. But now that we have, it is so much better. DD is so much happier with someone who actually seems delighted to engage with her. And now I spend a lot less time agonizing over this. I can take childcare worries off my plate.

Especially since you have a six month old. Make the change now. You wont regret it.

[Anonymous]

I'd have fired her ages ago. Our nanny walks in, and puts their phone on a shelf. Only takes it off the shelf when they're going out (not in our backyard but off our property like to a park or to run errands).

The nanny was actively engaged almost nonstop when the kids were little. Now that they can both read, less so to a degree.

[Anonymous]

A nanny’s job is to engage your child and there is no “otherwise good”.

What exactly do you think she’s good at?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. Time for her to go. From what you've described she's not actually doing her job.

I get it OP. We kept an okay nanny for longer than we should have because it's so hard to make the switch to someone new. But now that we have, it is so much better. DD is so much happier with someone who actually seems delighted to engage with her. And now I spend a lot less time agonizing over this. I can take childcare worries off my plate.

Especially since you have a six month old. Make the change now. You wont regret it.

Same story for us. I recommend making a change.

[Anonymous]

If she’s not engaging with your children exactly what are you paying her for?

[Anonymous]

No way. She’s doing your kids a huge disservice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its good for kids to have some independent play but not all day. Definitely not to sit in a chair with caretaker on phone.

Yeah, I'm totally okay with a caregiver not being in the kid's face every minute -- kids need some time for independent play and exploration, and constant stimulation from a caregiver is too much -- but I wouldn't be okay with her just sitting on her phone. Honestly, I'd be okay with her reading a book sometimes, but if the baby is just chilling, she can just hang out, or be taking care of things like picking up toys or prepping lunch or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here.

My job priorities:
1. Children’s safety: Sounds like your nanny is fine here.
2. Children’s education: Dud. Reading and interaction are key.
3. Children’s emotional growth: Dud. Interaction is imperative.
4. Children’s physical growth: Dud. Sticking a child in a chair for 30 minutes? Really?
5. Children’s nutrition: You didn’t say anything about this.
6. Children’s life skills: Dud. You can’t teach a child to dress themself or take a bath/shower without interaction.
7. Upkeep of children’s areas: You don’t say anything about this.
8. Children’s entertainment: Ok, so kids do need self-structured play. But they also need adult interaction.
9. Timeliness: Dud. Always 10 minutes late?! It may be less important to me, but that doesn’t mean I’ve ever been more than 3 minutes late twice in a week.

I use my phone frequently with kids. We look up lyrics and pictures of huge spiders, play Pandora, listen to people speak in other languages, read books on overdrive, etc. I don’t sit on my phone while kids play; I will read on my phone while kids read their books or on their devices before we discuss what were reading.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and I think I’m pretty good but my 6 month old can definitely do 30 minutes of independent play. I try to do it on the floor and not the bouncer but today she watched me looking for vaccine appts for at least 30 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s not engaging with your children exactly what are you paying her for?

Probably housekeeping.

[Anonymous]

Are you kidding me? In this economy? She'd be gone tomorrow. Guarantee you'll have a lot of applications from which to pick someone better suited to the job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you kidding me? In this economy? She'd be gone tomorrow. Guarantee you'll have a lot of applications from which to pick someone better suited to the job.

No, not at all. COVID.