Moving to Adopt - Rooms in the House

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are interested in adopting in the next several years and would be very happy with a child older than infant age. I am 31, he is 34, and for medical reasons are not able to have biological children. We are possibly interested in adopting siblings. We currently live in a small condo in DC. In much of the literature we've read online, the adoptive parents are required to provide one bedroom per child per gender (if we adopted two girls, they could share a room but a boy and girl would each need their own room).

Would we need to move to a bigger space before this would even be feasible? At the moment, we have two bedrooms - ours plus a smaller room that is more like a den. Have others had experience with this? On the one hand it seems a little crazy to move before we've even really started filling out paperwork, but I've also heard that once you start the paperwork process it can be complicated - would we need to start over if we move from DC to Maryland or Virginia? Is moving in the process something that would slow the process down? Have others moved with the goal of adopting and either been happy or regretted it? Very much appreciate hearing any experience with this.

[Anonymous]

These are questions to ask your social worker when you begin the process. It is a long enough process that you will have time to figure it out. Also, a room partition might be an option, or if one is a baby, having the baby in your room while you look for a place.

[Anonymous]

It may not be long at all, depending on how adoption is accomplished.

I know someone who just did a private adoption and it was accomplished in a week.

Met the pregnant mother by chance, agreed to adoption, baby born a week later, and after a 30 day wait (MD) it was finalized.

[Anonymous]

Often it is okay for really young kids to share a room boy-girl.

[Anonymous]

Are you thinking fost-adopt?

If they are bio siblings and very young (like under age 3 or 4) sharing may be okay. Agencies will often find a little wiggle room if that is what you need to finalize.

[Anonymous]

We moved but to a different unit in the same complex. It is just as small, but had an extra room that just squeaked by as a bedroom because it had a second egress.

We started during the summer with adopting a relative and had to move quickly.

[Anonymous]

It can move fast, but you can probably find an apartment really fast if that is what is needed. You don't have to stay there forever! Just start the process and have confidence in your ability to find solutions. It's okay if you have a temporary place for compliance and then find one you really like. Adopting requires a lot of flexibility.

[Anonymous]

If you have a two bedroom condo you're fine to begin the process. To complete the Home Study a social worker will have to visit your home, as will someone from the Fire Department (working smoke detectors, hazardous materials properly secured, etc.), so it makes sense to stay in the same place (and in the same jurisdiction) for while you complete this step. Also there will be a period post placement and before finalization. Once the adoption is finalized you will be free to move and get a bigger place. Good luck to you. Adoption has been an incredible blessing to us. Check out ffpa.org, a DMV area non-profit focused on helping people pursuing domestic private adoption. This is a proven path to adopting a newborn or infant.

[Anonymous]

If you are thinking of fostering I would move to the jurisdiction where you want to foster before getting licensed. And yes, you'll need to have the right number of rooms--if you're ok with one kid or two of the same sex then you could stay where you are, but if you want to be considered for more types of sibling sets I would move so your homestudy can get done--you'll need a home inspection, fire inspection, etc.

If you are thinking of adopting an older "waiting child" (Barker and Adoptions Together have programs to help with this or there are other ways to get homestudies) it would be a pain to move across state lines before the adoption is finalized so live where you'll be happy for a few years. And consider the fact that MD and VA have a lot more waiting kids than DC, so if you live in one of those places you may have a better shot at a match.

Think about the school district--is it diverse enough that your kid will have peers and teachers who look like them? And think about the budget--there is probably a higher than average chance that your kid will need various types of therapy, more expensive child care, private school (even if you're going to get the school district to pay for it you might need to hire a lawyer for that), or a parent who is home more so one of you might quit your job or go part-time. So get a house that is below your means. When we were foster parents we had a kid with a lot of sensory sensitivities and a need for a lot of exercise--for her, a big backyard and a basement or other space for an indoor trampoline and swing were super helpful. If you get a baby going through withdrawal or a kid that has screaming tantrums, a detached house might help avoid complaints from neighbors. But if you are fostering older teens in DC, a condo with metro access might be really great so they can get to school, work, and other appointments. I don't think there is a wrong place to live to adopt--it's just that every place has pros and cons and might be a better fit for some kids than others. Once you have a better sense of how you want to adopt, what age group, and the number of kids you might have a clearer vision of what housing is best. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are thinking of fostering I would move to the jurisdiction where you want to foster before getting licensed. And yes, you'll need to have the right number of rooms--if you're ok with one kid or two of the same sex then you could stay where you are, but if you want to be considered for more types of sibling sets I would move so your homestudy can get done--you'll need a home inspection, fire inspection, etc.

If you are thinking of adopting an older "waiting child" (Barker and Adoptions Together have programs to help with this or there are other ways to get homestudies) it would be a pain to move across state lines before the adoption is finalized so live where you'll be happy for a few years. And consider the fact that MD and VA have a lot more waiting kids than DC, so if you live in one of those places you may have a better shot at a match.

Think about the school district--is it diverse enough that your kid will have peers and teachers who look like them? And think about the budget--there is probably a higher than average chance that your kid will need various types of therapy, more expensive child care, private school (even if you're going to get the school district to pay for it you might need to hire a lawyer for that), or a parent who is home more so one of you might quit your job or go part-time. So get a house that is below your means. When we were foster parents we had a kid with a lot of sensory sensitivities and a need for a lot of exercise--for her, a big backyard and a basement or other space for an indoor trampoline and swing were super helpful. If you get a baby going through withdrawal or a kid that has screaming tantrums, a detached house might help avoid complaints from neighbors. But if you are fostering older teens in DC, a condo with metro access might be really great so they can get to school, work, and other appointments. I don't think there is a wrong place to live to adopt--it's just that every place has pros and cons and might be a better fit for some kids than others. Once you have a better sense of how you want to adopt, what age group, and the number of kids you might have a clearer vision of what housing is best. Good luck!

What they said!

[Anonymous]

Does the den room have a door? To be considered an acceptable space for a child, the room must have a door and at least one other point of egress (window or a second door). There are also minimum square footage requirements per child. Go to one of the foster-adopt info sessions DC runs, or call their question line!

I was in a similar position and I agree it’s very irritating to have to move potentially years before the adoption works out but they won’t let you even submit your application unless your living space meets their requirements. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are thinking of fostering I would move to the jurisdiction where you want to foster before getting licensed. And yes, you'll need to have the right number of rooms--if you're ok with one kid or two of the same sex then you could stay where you are, but if you want to be considered for more types of sibling sets I would move so your homestudy can get done--you'll need a home inspection, fire inspection, etc.

If you are thinking of adopting an older "waiting child" (Barker and Adoptions Together have programs to help with this or there are other ways to get homestudies) it would be a pain to move across state lines before the adoption is finalized so live where you'll be happy for a few years. And consider the fact that MD and VA have a lot more waiting kids than DC, so if you live in one of those places you may have a better shot at a match.

Think about the school district--is it diverse enough that your kid will have peers and teachers who look like them? And think about the budget--there is probably a higher than average chance that your kid will need various types of therapy, more expensive child care, private school (even if you're going to get the school district to pay for it you might need to hire a lawyer for that), or a parent who is home more so one of you might quit your job or go part-time. So get a house that is below your means. When we were foster parents we had a kid with a lot of sensory sensitivities and a need for a lot of exercise--for her, a big backyard and a basement or other space for an indoor trampoline and swing were super helpful. If you get a baby going through withdrawal or a kid that has screaming tantrums, a detached house might help avoid complaints from neighbors. But if you are fostering older teens in DC, a condo with metro access might be really great so they can get to school, work, and other appointments. I don't think there is a wrong place to live to adopt--it's just that every place has pros and cons and might be a better fit for some kids than others. Once you have a better sense of how you want to adopt, what age group, and the number of kids you might have a clearer vision of what housing is best. Good luck!

What they said!

Very good advice. I went the foster to adopt route and bought a 3 bedroom house in the district I wanted before starting the process. I ended up with 2 girls (biological sisters) who preferred sharing a room so they could be near one another. The other bedroom is a guest room/office for now, but May become one of their bedrooms later on. I was given the advice to demonstrate the lifestyle I planned to provide, so I went all out.

[Anonymous]

I am a single mom by choice, and I bought a 900 square foot single family home in MoCo. 3 bedrooms, 1 bath. I adopted my first daughter internationally, the other was foster-adopt. I actually found the whole process pretty easy, but then it was MoCo, not DC. My social worker was super friendly and supportive (Jewish Social Services though I am not Jewish) and she told me exactly what to do and how to do it to get it all done correctly the first time. She herself is a mom via adoption. So be sure to get a fantastic social worker. She'll have all the best advice. I still send her a Christmas card each year with photos of my kids.

-- Oh -- my kids have shared a room forever. I dont think they'll separate til they are teens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the den room have a door? To be considered an acceptable space for a child, the room must have a door and at least one other point of egress (window or a second door). There are also minimum square footage requirements per child. Go to one of the foster-adopt info sessions DC runs, or call their question line!

I was in a similar position and I agree it’s very irritating to have to move potentially years before the adoption works out but they won’t let you even submit your application unless your living space meets their requirements. Good luck!

This is literally why I gave up on adoption. It seemed insane to have to buy a house for myself (a single person) without knowing for sure if I would ever have a kid or anyone else living there. I want to slap people who say "just adopt", as if you just go to the Kid Store and pick one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the den room have a door? To be considered an acceptable space for a child, the room must have a door and at least one other point of egress (window or a second door). There are also minimum square footage requirements per child. Go to one of the foster-adopt info sessions DC runs, or call their question line!

I was in a similar position and I agree it’s very irritating to have to move potentially years before the adoption works out but they won’t let you even submit your application unless your living space meets their requirements. Good luck!

This is literally why I gave up on adoption. It seemed insane to have to buy a house for myself (a single person) without knowing for sure if I would ever have a kid or anyone else living there. I want to slap people who say "just adopt", as if you just go to the Kid Store and pick one.

It took us many years to adopt. It was not easy. If you foster-adopt you need a room for the child. If you do a newborn adoption, you don't. We did newborn adoption and didn't have anything set up. A week before the due date we got a car seat and a small bag full of essentials and bought everything right after placement.