Is it possible to start fresh in HS?

[Anonymous]

Let me preface this by saying I went to school in a town with 2 ES, 1 MS and 1 HS. We all k owe each other forever.

My DD will be entering HS next year. About half of her current friend group will be at her HS and half at another. Over the past year, she’s felt like she has grown in a different direction than many. She still likes them, it her interests are different. She lost touch with those outside this group over the past year. Is it possible for her to start fresh next year? Any advice for that? I suck at making new friends and am a total introvert, so I’m out of my league.

[Anonymous]

Sure. Especially if it’s a large school and she isn’t known for doing something completely mortifying on video. Lots of drifting away and finding nene groups at that age when kids realize they don’t have a lot in common with ES friends.

I’m an introvert, and my kids are introverts and slid right in to friend groups because they joined activities/ took co-curricular classes that they were interested in. So my music kid took band and marched. And that was all he did August through November. But, he had a really nice friend group and from day one (three weeks after band camp started) always had someone to eat lunch with. Ditto my younger kid and a school with a huge, active robotics team. Lots of kids in their school find their place by taking drama or voice trying out for the school musical. Or getting involved with art. Or MUN. Or whatever.

It’s the easiest I know of to make friends with decent kids (involved in the school community, supportive parents) who have the same interests as you. The activity itself doesn’t matter. It should just be big enough that there are plenty of kids to meet and take up a decent chunk of time. Not 1 hour a month in Latin club. Chances are when it’s time to choose lab partners, she’ll know a kid in the class enough to ask without it being a ck ward, even if they aren’t BFFs.

Otherwise, can can be easy to kind of get lost in a school of 3000. Your kid does have to make an effort.

[Anonymous]

My kid’s friend group definitely shifted around 8/9 grade fwiw. Had a best friend from k-8 and I don’t think they even talk anymore.

[Anonymous]

Sure. Join different clubs/sports. The old friends will drop away.

[Anonymous]

She’s been involved with an activity that takes up a lot of time outside school, but maybe there will be time for clubs in HS (assuming life is a little more normal next fall). I will encourage that.

[Anonymous]

Yes! She will be ok! I moved a bunch as a kid and other kids always welcomed me into their friend groups. I was introverted and did fine. I went to 2 high schools. The kids that welcomed me are still my best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes! She will be ok! I moved a bunch as a kid and other kids always welcomed me into their friend groups. I was introverted and did fine. I went to 2 high schools. The kids that welcomed me are still my best friend.

My “!” Were out of support not snark. Just wanted to clarify in case it came across differently 😊

[Anonymous]

Her old friends have the same feelings and they are going to be starting HS with similar feelings. Kids are very self centered and rarely consider this. Even though they want to change and will want to move away from their friends, they will be shocked when their friends do this as well. Just something to be aware of

[Anonymous]

Sure. I went to dance camp and became a cheerleader and super popular, class treasurer, when I started highschool. Before that I was the very bookish, nerdy type. I was secretly smart in high school 🤓 I never played dumb but don't let on how much I studied. When I got into an ivy, everyone was shocked. It was kind of rude actually. Like did my friends think I was stupid?

[Anonymous]

Man, I wish I went to high school with you!

[Anonymous]

Absolutely, OP. In fact, it happens in HS even when someone isn’t actively trying to make new friends because clubs and sports take up a lot of time. So as others have suggested, I suggest your daughter try to get involved with something in her HS - it can be a club sport, newspaper, theater tech, student gov’t, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Yes. DS moved to a different school for HS in a different area and made all new friends. Also, he moved up in sports league level and made friends with new teammates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. DS moved to a different school for HS in a different area and made all new friends. Also, he moved up in sports league level and made friends with new teammates.

We aren't moving, but our middle school is split between two high schools.

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Thanks for all the feedback. I will encourage her to get involved in some school sponsored clubs. Her sport isn't tied to school, so she won't be joining a team there, but it sounds like a new school with 1/2 new people is a good opportunity to find what feels like it's missing right now.

[Anonymous]

Yes...it seemed like with my kids and their friend groups, they carried the same friend group through 9th and into 10th grade by inertia. But by 10th grade, there is a re-sort, based on high school interests and personalities. Don't worry OP, lots of opportunity to define yourself as you are in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure. I went to dance camp and became a cheerleader and super popular, class treasurer, when I started highschool. Before that I was the very bookish, nerdy type. I was secretly smart in high school 🤓 I never played dumb but don't let on how much I studied. When I got into an ivy, everyone was shocked. It was kind of rude actually. Like did my friends think I was stupid?

Are you saying that hiding your interesting academics was the way you got friends? It sounds like they realized that you were not who you were pretending to be and that upset them.

If you don't have an honest relationship with a friend are they really even a friend?