Building Confidence for a Shy Kid

[Anonymous]

Give me all your tips for helping my slightly shy DD build her confidence. She's in a pre-K program and does great, but sometimes she struggles socially with her peers. She is on the younger side (June birthday) and will start Kindergarten this fall. I want to instill confidence in her and set her up for success.

Books we should read? Things we should talk about?

[Anonymous]

My parents had me practice going up to kids to ask them if they wanted to play. In the process, I got used to rejection but also enjoyed making new friends easily. They started really young, so I never really experienced it as a difficult thing to do, although it didn't come naturally to me (it didn't occur to me to do it by myself).

Just teach her that 99% of rejection she will experience in life isn't actually about her (or at least not solely about her), but is a completely normal part of life. That's not to say she should work for her accomplishments, etc. of course.

And of course love her and support her, and don't ever put her down or make her feel like she is less than adequate.

[Anonymous]

Competence gives children confidence. An activity that they like that they've done for years. It won't happen immediately.

[Anonymous]

I try to be a good role model and talk more freely than her. Sometimes it means speaking for her. I just accept it and tell people in front of her she takes time to warm up, I never call her shy

[Anonymous]

Never tell other people that she’s shy. She’s listening. You can say she’s FEELING shy. And feelings do change—sometimes we are happy sometimes sad, sometimes outgoing, sometimes shy. Telling people your kid is shy and your kid overhearing you is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[Anonymous]

In a non COVID year I would say get her in some Imagination Stage theater classes — at that age so much is confidence building!