How much to tell boss about IVF treatments

[Anonymous]

I'm a federal employee and I will be undergoing IVF later this year. Wondering if anyone has talked to their boss about it and how they handled it and if you notified HR to let them know?

I'm female and my boss is male so it is kind of awkward. But my job is really demanding and my boss has super high standards and I know if I slip on anything I'll get called to the carpet about it.

[Anonymous]

Let him know you’re getting medical treatment and you’ll need x time for sick leave. Other than that, don’t give details.

[Anonymous]

I'm a major oversharer, and I'm confident the answer here is "as little as humanly possible."

As long as you can ride out "Oh, I just have a doctor's appointment" you do that.

If it gets to the point where they look concerned/worried, or you're struggling to get your work done because of side effects, then I would go with "I'll be having some minor medical procedures over the next XX weeks that may cause some fatigue/require some time off/whatever vague thing may effect your work. No need to be concerned, everything is just fine."

[Anonymous]

I'm not federal, but I never disclosed anything to my boss/employer about IVF. Not sure where you'll be doing monitoring, but usually monitoring appointments are early in the morning (7 a.m. - 9 a.m.), so I did them all before work. No one was the wiser. For the actual egg retrieval and embryo transfer (which for me both happened to occur on weekday afternoons), I just said I had dr appointments.

[Anonymous]

Also a fed, just finished my first egg retrieval. I told my direct boss, who was understanding (she had also gone through ivf.) I work closely with my boss’ boss as well and I just explained what pp suggested, that I was having medical treatment and would miss a few days due to minor surgery. It is a very busy time for us with the transition but everyone has been very understanding. If your boss gives you trouble, I suggest you talk to HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let him know you’re getting medical treatment and you’ll need x time for sick leave. Other than that, don’t give details.

+1. Yes, above is enough. I will let you know if I need more but I really don't need to/want to know more.

[Anonymous]

Strongly agree w/ the majority to tell as little as possible.

I was able to arrange most of my monitoring around my work hours, so I had to take significantly less noticeable time off than I feared. And when I did it was just "for a medical appointment/medical procedure".

That's it.

[Anonymous]

If you take a certain number of sick days off, like 4 in a row, do they have the authority to make you prove what medical issue it was? I thought they had a right to ask for documentation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you take a certain number of sick days off, like 4 in a row, do they have the authority to make you prove what medical issue it was? I thought they had a right to ask for documentation.

Unless there's a complication, there aren't multiple sick days off. I was up in that office at 7:30am, long before my work start time, so never an issue. No good leader wants to know what's wrong with you in any detail because they are just nosey. Either they respect your privacy or have a genuine concern. If your boss isn't that..say as little a possible.

[Anonymous]

Do not let them know you’re doing IVF because not only then will they know you’ll be taking off for various medical appointments in the future but then they will have to deal with a pregnancy in the near future.

[Anonymous]

I never mentioned it. All my procedures were at like 7am.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I was thinking in a short-sighted way, thinking better to tell him so he will be easier on me if I'm spacey during the treatments. But great point about tipping him off that I'll take maternity leave etc. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I didn’t say a word and no one was the wiser. I went in for monitoring very early so I could get to work on time. Then I took a day off for retrieval and one day off for transfer, over several cycles. I just used my leave. It took much longer than we anticipated so I’m glad I didn’t say anything at work.

[Anonymous]

It's been a while ago now for me, but the process didn't really have that much of an impact on me. Most of those early AM appointments are for monitoring, and it was easy to get those done in way that didn't impact work schedule. Was really only day of and day after egg retrieval that I needed to take leave.
Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

I am a fed who went through IVF a few years ago. I told my boss nothing. I took sick leave as needed and was not asked why (just said medical appointment in my request, if they do ask don't answer just say it's nothing to worry about and personal). I only really needed leave for the retrieval and the transfer day, otherwise I had either lunch time appointments or very very early appointments that I could schedule my normal work day around without it being noticeable.