Why do I feel so uncomfortable?

[Anonymous]

My wife’s (I’m also a woman) grandfather turned 90, and there was a celebration at his assisted living home. To set the scene, there was a table outside/below his balcony where you could leave cards, grab a pre-wrapped cupcake, and were encouraged to leave a note with a favorite memory on one side and address the other, then wave up to grandpa in the window, then leave.

Afterwards, my wife and I, along with her cousins, brought everything back to DW aunt’s house. There, I helped clean up everything and Aunt started reading the memories out loud. When she got to mine, without knowing it was mine, she read it and immediately criticized it for being an incorrect retelling, then kept repeating, condescendingly that that wasn’t how it happened, how stupid. She turned it around and saw it was mine but didn’t apologize to me, and I didn’t say anything either. But it’s really bothering me for some reason and I don’t know why. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, I guess I’m trying to figure out why she didn’t even pull me aside and joke about it at the very least. I feel very uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

So, that's your wife's aunt? She should approach & ask why she thought it was ok to ridicule your note in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So, that's your wife's aunt? She should approach & ask why she thought it was ok to ridicule your note in public.

Yes. She wasn’t in he room when it happened, and Aunt didn’t acknowledge it was me to anyone, just read my name. I just wish she would have said something to me privately as it felt very rude. I probably need to drop it.

[Anonymous]

I'd be offended too, OP. If there's no danger in starting WW3, your wife should message or talk with the aunt. If the aunt is super touchy or not the type of person self-examiie then just leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Embarrassment on both sides? She said nothing because you said nothing so she’s hoping you want to pretend it didn’t happen as much as she does?

[Anonymous]

Ideally she should have apologized. But she probably felt extremely embarrassed and lacked the social grace to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Embarrassment on both sides? She said nothing because you said nothing so she’s hoping you want to pretend it didn’t happen as much as she does?

Agree. She should have apologized, but is probably praying that by some miracle you didn't actually hear.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I did something in a family setting years ago. When it happened and I was the one in error, with everyone watching me, I was mortified. I literally did nothing, was frozen. It still comes back to me all these years later.

I hope DW's aunt was just mortified that she had made such an error.

[Anonymous]

Well, I'd chalk it up to her being an ass and that's it. I wouldn't take it personally (or at least, I would try hard not to.)

Like you said, she didn't know whose it was - so she's just an ass, not someone w/ a vendetta against you.

[Anonymous]

If you don't have to see her very much, just ignore it.

But don't ever forget what kind of person she is.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind people can leave a meeting and have different memories about what was said 5 minutes later. Her response to your memory is less about you and more about her. For some reason, her mind made some important distinction in the memory. She was probably mortified once she realized you were there. Yes, it was rude. She could have just said she remembers it differently. She could have apologized. But try not to take offense, as it really was about her, not you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't have to see her very much, just ignore it.

But don't ever forget what kind of person she is.

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Who cares? Some aunt didn’t agree with a memory and was kinda rude about it. OK. And?

[Anonymous]

I'd have said, "Wow, that was way harsh, Tai. We get it - you remember things differently - no need to call me names and go on and on about it."

When someone's talking shit about you, YOU can speak up and shut them up.

[Anonymous]

How has she been with you in the past. I would guess she was mortified and froze and didn't know what to say. As you say she read it and criticised but once she turned it over and saw it was from you she stopped.

Perhaps you could have spoken up and said something simple like "Oh I remember it as such and such".

I think I read something ages ago that people over time can have completely different memories of events, it does happen so she may really remember things differently to you.

In saying that she shouldn't be speaking so harshly of people that made the effort to be there and do something kind. That speaks more about her than anything.