How do you celebrate family birthdays?

[Anonymous]

We're at an impasse - dh and I both grew up here, so much of our family is still within striking distance for birthday celebrations. I feel like it's silly and a waste of time and money to continue buying gifts for 3 grandparents, 2 cousins, and 3 siblings and spouses, not to mention the 6 grandkids. The kids I'm ok with with, but I find it's impossible to find these people gifts, no one actually wants what they get (I've repeatedly seen bags of unused presents lying around weeks later, and I know I have them, too), and anything someone actually wants, they have the ability to go out and get for themselves - or it would be too expensive for a gift anyway. The same applies to Christmas.

So I'm a total scrooge. I just don't feel like spending this much of my time and money on crap no one actually wants. Plus every birthday comes with a family dinner that no one really wants to go to.

How do others handle this? DH thinks I'm being a grump, and while I'm not sure he's wrong, he's also not the one doing the shopping. He'll say he'll do it, but he won't, and then I'm the one who will either look like a jerk when we're empty handed,m or have to scramble at the last minute to get something. Do I just need to suck it up and accept this as the state of affairs, or is this is a reasonable thing for me to try and change? Help!

[Anonymous]

Have your kids make pictures and spend $10 on a picture frame. Or give them a copy of the kids' school pictures in a frame. That's what they really want, anyway-- a connection with the grandkids. For the children-- you can buy but just buy minimal stuff. Buy a boatload of arts and craft supplies when they're on sale at Target and dole them out as gifts. You don't have to work that hard and spend that much, and you can still get it done.

[Anonymous]

How about consumable gifts - great coffees, wine, cookies, cheeses, etc.

[Anonymous]

I actually like the get-together parts of the family birthdays, but unless someone who is an adult has a specific need/want, we skip gifts, or do gag gifts, or just get a funny card.

I agree with the earlier posters on having kids make something, or getting consumables. We also sometimes do a framed portrait of the kids (for the grandparents). We've done gift cards. We've also chipped in for one bigger gift.

I think it's reasonable to try to change things, but you should start with your family, and then your DH should talk to his family. If you try to change things with his family, you'll probably look like a jerk, even though you aren't.

One other idea, if they are dead set on the gifts, is from a friend of mine - take your kids to a dollar store or somewhere that has prices you can handle and let them pick something. Sure, it's probably not useful, but it satisfies the requirement of "gift", it comes from a kid (this works better for younger kids, obviously), and it doesn't cost much or take much time.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, I see things similarly. DH and I had to actually write down our agreement as far as how much we spend for 'categories' of family and for what event.

I am all about buying gifts for the nieces and nephews, as well as our parents. I don't see the point of buying for our siblings or cousins. (I'm somewhat on the fence about aunts and uncles.). DH wants to continue buying gifts for EVERYONE. I'm trying to convince him that a card should be satisfactory for siblings on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. Why are we spending so much money buying are siblings anniversary gifts??!!??

[Anonymous]

22:12 again. (sorry about all the typos above - "are" instead of "our", etc)

anyway, I forgot to respond about the actual get-togethers. In my family, we get together on the weekend - either before or after the actual birthday. And we combine celebrations when there are two bdays close together (e.g., a week apart).

Hubby's family likes to celebrate on the actual day. Kind of a pain when it's a weekday.