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does your H like to pretend to his friends that you're a slave driver?
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Anonymous
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It's so annoying, or maybe he thinks it's "cool" to pretend that your wife is the old ball and chain? I don't get it. He has done this for years but this is just an example. He was invited to go somewhere Sunday. Instead of just saying, oh sorry I can't, we have a ton of stuff to do around the house like paint, move furniture, etc. he says, "Sorry, plans were already made for me. I have to do a bunch of chores that apparently have to be done ASAP (eye roll)." Another example. His brother has moved to Florida, and now one of his best friends. He would NEVER move there, because he hates Florida. Instead of saying, hey it's just not for me, he says, "I'm way too tied down at this point to even consider that."
Honestly, it really hurts my feelings. I feel like he should be singing my praises even when he shouldn't, you know? Aren't men supposed to say NICE things about their wives? Yes I've tried talking to him about it, but he always claims these are his true feelings, when I know they are (and this is giving them a lot of credit) GROSS exaggerations of his feelings. |
Anonymous
| How do you know they're gross exaggerations of his true feelings? He might actually be being honest with you about how he feels, but you pretend otherwise. Just saying, it's a possibility. |
Anonymous
| Oh my god, YES. And he uses me as an excuse when he doesn't want to do something. For instance, if he doesn't feel like going to happy hour he'll say that I want him to be home. Or if he doesn't want to talk to someone on the phone he'll say that I think he's rude if he talks in the house (I couldn't care less). So, so annoying. |
Anonymous
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I hate it when men AND women do this. I think it's so disrespectful to the spouse.
And to 17:48, if her husband feels that way, he should talk to the OP about it, instead of making her look bad to their friends. |
Anonymous
My observation on this site is that wives rarely extend this to their husbands. And while this is an anonymous forum, I can't believe they say totally different things to their female friends. |
Anonymous
| My husband did this once and only once, because when I overheard the conversation where I became the villainness/mommy who wouldn't let him do what he wanted I ripped him a new one after he got off the phone. I asked him how he would feel if I used him as an excuse for not getting to do what I wanted. Basically, it makes him look like a fool or a child who's not allowed to make decisions for himself. Is that how he wants to appear? I think that's pathetic. |
Anonymous
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Genuinely curious--do you think you're a "slave driver" or even a bit controlling of him? Compared to your friends, maybe?
I have a few friends who I'm seriously surprised at how they talk to and order around their husbands and demand things that I feel are quite unreasonable. I'm not some submissive wife who tiptoes around doting on her husband by any stretch of the imagination, but I respect him as a person and I think when the feeling is mutual, there's no need to tease. |
Anonymous
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Have you ever talked with him about this? Have you told him that it hurts your feelings? What did he say?
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Anonymous
| Mine does not. It's only recently that I've begun to appreciate how good he is to me--I have never heard him utter an ill word about me outside of private conversations between the two of us (though in the heat of a bad argument, he has told me that I am acting like a b**ch!). I, on the other hand, talk crap about him all the time, or used to. |
Anonymous
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OP, I think there is a fine line between
a) humorously pretending to be controlled by your spouse and b) actually saying hurtful things that sound as if they are true. In our case, it is a). DH loves to complain to his family about me, when they and I know he absolutely dotes on me. It is just gentle ribbing. Same for me, I love to complain about DH to my friends, when they know I rely on him 100%. I think your husband has crossed the line between a) and b). You will somehow have to get through to him about the fact that his language is hurtful, you must always present a united front to outsiders, and if he really feels this way, he should try to fix the underlying problem by direct conversation with you instead of being passive-aggressive. |
Anonymous
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I think people may be over-thinking this. I'm not saying it's right or mature, but to me, reading your post it sounds like DH is trying to maintain his "masculinity." Have you seen that movie "Old School" where Will Farrell is at that frat party and when he is offered the beer bong he declines and start telling one of the college kids how he shouldn't because he has a big day tomorrow. He and his wife are going to Home Depot, and then he lists all this stuff they will be doing on their "pretty big Saturday." It sounds so "grown up" and lame, and then he ends up getting wasted and running down the street streaking.
Same kind of thing. Guys want to think they are not old and not settled down. In their minds they are still 21 and carefree! Not saying all guys do this all the time, I just think this is normal. In your case OP, it sounds like your DH is not handling as well as maybe he should - and he's being a bit immature. Tell him to get over it and knock it off. I bet he will. My husband doesn't do this but his best friend does this all the time. He loves his wife but he acts like a lot of things are these huge pains in the ass. I don't really think he feels that way, I just think he wants to convince himself he is "too cool." |
Anonymous
| it is a way of saying - wow look at me I have a great sex life - otherwise there is no way i would do all this stuff!!! |
Anonymous
| Mine also blames the kids for why we can't do something--says it's a "nightmare" taking them to x or whatever. |