Parents of kids older than 17yo

[Anonymous]

I hear that boys get better starting in their later teens. I cant wait for that and want to see light at the end of the tunnel. Parents of boys older than 17yo, when did your nasty, disrespectful, obnoxious son started to become tolerable and not pain in the b... to be around?

[Anonymous]

I think you misunderstood. It's better because you can kick them out at 18. Not because they somehow turn into an angel over night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you misunderstood. It's better because you can kick them out at 18. Not because they somehow turn into an angel over night.

Oh well, I was hoping for light at the end of the tunnel but will do with not having to see him constantly

[Anonymous]

My almost 19 year old is less sullen and teenager ish than he used to be, but I agree with PP that it's because he gets to leave and go to college and live with me only at breaks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear that boys get better starting in their later teens. I cant wait for that and want to see light at the end of the tunnel. Parents of boys older than 17yo, when did your nasty, disrespectful, obnoxious son started to become tolerable and not pain in the b... to be around?

They're not all like that. My son (now in his mid 20's) was sullen and muttered under his breath, rolled his eyes, etc., for the second half of 12th grade. I think it was senior-itis combined with a little anxiety about going to college. So it was just about six months.

[Anonymous]

OP, same boat. Mine is 17 right now and the past year has been really tough. He isn't even bad-bad, he keeps his grades up, he doesn't get into trouble at school, no drugs/alcohol. But he's too often an obnoxious smug little sh*t with us.

My DH and I both grew up in difficult situations with bitter nasty divorces, and parents with substance abuse and mental illness. It's doubly hard for us because our DS' life is golden in comparison. Yes there are the usual teen stresses, school, college applications, friends, hormones, etc., that we recognize. But he's never come home from school to a parent passed out by 4pm, or the power being shut off for days because it hasn't been paid.

I keep going by telling myself that one day he'll turn around and will if not appreciate his parents, at least not be such a snot.

[Anonymous]

Obnoxious, disrespectful and nasty? Eye rolling didn’t ever bother me, but disrespectful?? Nope. Their life (as they know it) would change. What exactly is your child doing/saying? Can you give examples? Is he generally unhappy due to Covid and DL?

[Anonymous]

My college freshman just decided to grow up a bit this past month. He's 19, and seems to finally get it. His disrespect wasn't verbal, but rather failure to follow house rules. Our rules are very reasonable, and as an adult with a HS diploma, if you don't want to follow them, you will not receive financial support of any kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, same boat. Mine is 17 right now and the past year has been really tough. He isn't even bad-bad, he keeps his grades up, he doesn't get into trouble at school, no drugs/alcohol. But he's too often an obnoxious smug little sh*t with us.

My DH and I both grew up in difficult situations with bitter nasty divorces, and parents with substance abuse and mental illness. It's doubly hard for us because our DS' life is golden in comparison. Yes there are the usual teen stresses, school, college applications, friends, hormones, etc., that we recognize. But he's never come home from school to a parent passed out by 4pm, or the power being shut off for days because it hasn't been paid.

I keep going by telling myself that one day he'll turn around and will if not appreciate his parents, at least not be such a snot.

OP here. I can totally relate to that. My DS is 14 yo and he is not bad bad. Just seems to be rude and disrespectful with me. Their life is so much easier compared to ours. We went through the same stage but honestly I don't remember being like this. I cant stop but think that it is because of the privileges we provided, they have no appreciation for things. We moved to this country 20 years ago and built our lives from scratch and worked so hard to provide every luxury to them. I cant even kick him out as he is still 14 and I keep thinking that maybe he will turn around. If not, I just need to get used to this, swallow a pill for next 4 years and be happy on the inside when he moves out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obnoxious, disrespectful and nasty? Eye rolling didn’t ever bother me, but disrespectful?? Nope. Their life (as they know it) would change. What exactly is your child doing/saying? Can you give examples? Is he generally unhappy due to Covid and DL?

He will come and scream if I put time limits on his games, use cuss words to us, act like how we are ruining his life. Anything I say is taken in a wrong spirit and would snap at me. defnitely a lot of this has to do with COVID and all the isolation. He changed schools and hasn't been able to make friends at the new school so part of it is that. He just spents all day in his room, despite of us trying to persuade him to get some fresh air. Again, he is not bad bad. He is trying to keep his grades up (so they are not as well as they were in previous years), taking hard courses, plays sports, etc. Just seems to be in a very mood all the time with his brother and Dad and especially me.

[Anonymous]

Screaming over a game? Too funny. He needs time limits/restrictions on his games. Perhaps you can set a schedule and with one reminder, he finds something else to do. When he negatively reacts,(yells and screams), turn off the WiFi. Maybe he needs to be reminded that you pay for the WiFi, not him. Does your DH hear your son mouthing off to you? How does your husband react? You cannot reward bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hear that boys get better starting in their later teens. I cant wait for that and want to see light at the end of the tunnel. Parents of boys older than 17yo, when did your nasty, disrespectful, obnoxious son started to become tolerable and not pain in the b... to be around?

I can say quite honestly that none of our sons have ever been like this. I thought you were joking so I scanned the rest of the posts but it appears that you're being seriously. Wow.

[Anonymous]

19 year old boys .. I mean, young men ... are not meant to be home.

Even 18 is stretching it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:19 year old boys .. I mean, young men ... are not meant to be home.

Even 18 is stretching it

Without a college degree, you would need to work two full-time jobs to be able to afford to live on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obnoxious, disrespectful and nasty? Eye rolling didn’t ever bother me, but disrespectful?? Nope. Their life (as they know it) would change. What exactly is your child doing/saying? Can you give examples? Is he generally unhappy due to Covid and DL?

He will come and scream if I put time limits on his games, use cuss words to us, act like how we are ruining his life. Anything I say is taken in a wrong spirit and would snap at me. defnitely a lot of this has to do with COVID and all the isolation. He changed schools and hasn't been able to make friends at the new school so part of it is that. He just spents all day in his room, despite of us trying to persuade him to get some fresh air. Again, he is not bad bad. He is trying to keep his grades up (so they are not as well as they were in previous years), taking hard courses, plays sports, etc. Just seems to be in a very mood all the time with his brother and Dad and especially me.

If your son is screaming at you about video game limits, the appropriate “shock and awe” inducing response would be to take the machine, drive to the local dumpster and trash it.

On the drive over, you might consider the example you set in the way you treated him over the years, along with any other part your conduct may be playing in the circumstances.