Parent let long-term care policy lapse - options?

[Anonymous]

I received a notice this week that my 67-year-old father let his long-term care insurance policy lapse, and it has now been canceled due to non-payment.

I was an alternate contact on the policy (which my mom set up several years ago) and started getting cc'd on late payment notices in the fall, so I contacted him at the time to let him know, and he claimed he'd take care of it. I am very low-contact/gray rock with him otherwise because he is/has always been abusive. When I texted him a second time to let him know I received a cancellation notice and suggested that he call the insurance company about reinstating the policy, he texted back, "No worry - I don't need it."

My mom always assured me that there would be enough in their retirement funds so that my brother and I would never be responsible for their care, financially or otherwise. She died suddenly about three years ago, and I know my dad does not share this view -- he would love nothing more than for someone to have to take care of him. (Not skilled nursing -- he basically wants a servant to abuse.) I am slightly concerned that not taking care of this policy could be an early sign of dementia, but it could also just be his ego talking -- he does not think he will ever decline in health and need skilled care, even though he had a health scare in fall 2019.

He is currently in above-average health and fairly active, is still working part-time, and has an income property. He has substantial investment and retirement accounts, including my mom's pension and life insurance payout. Financially, there is no reason that he shouldn't have enough for a long and comfortable retirement, including in-home help and skilled care if needed. But since my mom's death, he has been spending money like water. And now, getting this notice, my nightmare is that he'll show up on my door, broke and expecting to move in and be taken care of.

What would you do in this situation? Would it be worth it for me to buy a long-term care policy for him just in case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I received a notice this week that my 67-year-old father let his long-term care insurance policy lapse, and it has now been canceled due to non-payment.

I was an alternate contact on the policy (which my mom set up several years ago) and started getting cc'd on late payment notices in the fall, so I contacted him at the time to let him know, and he claimed he'd take care of it. I am very low-contact/gray rock with him otherwise because he is/has always been abusive. When I texted him a second time to let him know I received a cancellation notice and suggested that he call the insurance company about reinstating the policy, he texted back, "No worry - I don't need it."

My mom always assured me that there would be enough in their retirement funds so that my brother and I would never be responsible for their care, financially or otherwise. She died suddenly about three years ago, and I know my dad does not share this view -- he would love nothing more than for someone to have to take care of him. (Not skilled nursing -- he basically wants a servant to abuse.) I am slightly concerned that not taking care of this policy could be an early sign of dementia, but it could also just be his ego talking -- he does not think he will ever decline in health and need skilled care, even though he had a health scare in fall 2019.

He is currently in above-average health and fairly active, is still working part-time, and has an income property. He has substantial investment and retirement accounts, including my mom's pension and life insurance payout. Financially, there is no reason that he shouldn't have enough for a long and comfortable retirement, including in-home help and skilled care if needed. But since my mom's death, he has been spending money like water. And now, getting this notice, my nightmare is that he'll show up on my door, broke and expecting to move in and be taken care of.

What would you do in this situation? Would it be worth it for me to buy a long-term care policy for him just in case?

I don't know a lot about long-term care policies, but he sounds pretty screwed on getting it back in place. The company that issued it has no incentive to work with him. They got premiums and now they are off the hook. It's worth a call and asking if there's a penalty to pay to put it back in place, but it doesn't sound like he intends to pay for it - so are you going to?

As far as the rest? He's 67 and sounds mentally competent, so I don't know what you would do. If he shows up on your doorstep you say no. I suppose you can initiate a conversation with him, but he sounds stubborn and unpleasant so it doesn't sound very promising.

[Anonymous]

Spending money like crazy but also not paying bills are exactly what happens when faculties decline.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that you are SOL, unfortunately. I would contact your state's insurance commissioner and also see if you can have your dad tested for dementia. So sorry you are dealing with this. But this scenario is pretty much the best case for the insurer -- so they will have no incentive to work with you unless they have to.

[Anonymous]

It will be very expensive to start a policy for a 67 year old but healthy is good.

[Anonymous]

If you think he may have dementia starting you may have options, but if he’s difficult it may be too hard and if he’s letting it lapse on purpose, he might do it again later. See the Forbes article link below. Also suggest he get autopay set up for any important bills. If you’re going to be stuck with decisions get power of attorney while you can. Wishing you the best.
https://www.forbes.com/sites/dianeomdahl/2020/09/15/lapse-in-long-term-care-insurance-doesnt-necessarily-ruin-coverage/

[Anonymous]

My 45 yo husband let his lapse because he wasn’t paying attention. They would not let him rejoin but told us we’d get some amount of funds based on what we paid (maybe $8k) at some time under some circumstance. This doesn’t answer your big question but at least try to figure out if the insurance company will owe you something. Ours was a prudential policy associated with feds.

[Anonymous]

If you are willing to start paying for the insurance yourself go through his state's insurance commissioner to see if it can be reinstated. if not give up. You can't make him pay for something he doesn't want.

[Anonymous]

There’s nothing that you can do. After my dad died, my mom, who got access to a few millions, started spending a ton and saying that I’d take care of her if she runs out of money. I’d always pipe up and say, no, I cannot afford to do that. I gave young children and college and retirement to save for. If he wants to spend all of his money, there are Medicaid nursing homes.

[Anonymous]

You tell him you're aware that his policy is cancelled and you tell him you hope he's made other appropriate provisions for his care because you know you and Brother will not be able to assist financially or physically.

And that's that.