DS scheduled for surgery, COVID hospital protocol

[Anonymous]

DS just turned 4 and is scheduled for surgery next month. They have told us to expect to spend a minimum of three nights at the hospital. Their COVID policy is that both parents can stay in the waiting room during the operation but once DS is moved to his own room, only one of us can be with him at a time. I'm trying to think of the best way to do this; we have to split the days into shifts. The hospital is not local so we have booked a hotel room within walking distance of the hospital so we either DH or I have a place to sleep. If you were in this situation, how would you, for lack of a better term, "split the shifts"? Thanks to any and all suggestions.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, that sounds stressful. I haven't been in this situation exactly, but I think some of my decisionmaking would depend on both the intensity of post-op care that might be needed, and also on whatever else you have going on (will you both also be attempting to work; do you have other kids that will be at the hotel, etc). I know there's often a lot of follow up and waiting around for a specific doctor to come by, depending on the situation. If that might be the case, I think it might be easier to have one parent there for the duration of the day, or at least "before lunch" and "after lunch" so that the person who contacted a nurse about when will dr. X come by is around to follow up with Dr X doesn't come by, etc etc.

Also confirm with the hospital that they're OK with splitting the day among two parents. If they're testing each person upon entry they may limit visitors to 1 per day, in which case the parent who's "on" will have to be there all day.

[Anonymous]

Before making any decision, I would gather input from the hospital. Expectations, what have others done in similar situations, can you stay all night in your child's room (at least the first night), protocol for entering/existing the room/ward/floor/hospital, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before making any decision, I would gather input from the hospital. Expectations, what have others done in similar situations, can you stay all night in your child's room (at least the first night), protocol for entering/existing the room/ward/floor/hospital, etc.

Agreed here! Is this at Children's? Or at a children's hospital? If so, I'd see if you can speak to a child life services coordinator. They are used to helping families and children navigate inpatient stays and I could see a call with them being really useful in understanding expectations and what other families have done. I'd also talk to your four-year old in preparation for this and see if he has any input. I also have a 4-year-old who understands COVID precautions pretty well so in this situation I'd explain ahead of time one of us would always be with him but it could only be one and who would he like first after surgery, to stay with him overnight. TBH, other than that I'm not sure how I'd split the shifts other than maybe 12 hours on/off to minimize you both running around. Only issue is that one of you would do all nights and one all days. You could also split the day time hours and alternate nights? But I'd definitely talk to someone there who can help you with logistics. Good luck, OP! Hope everything goes okay.

[Anonymous]

I will volunteer to choose to stay with my kids for 3 days if the after op care is not that much, not like have to monitor for his vitals or monitors 24/7 to keep an eye out for any possible terrifying signs, but the main purpose is just to keep the child company. My kid is mama boy, so I would rather bring in books and electronics to keep me entertained. DH can stay in hotel bringing me things on demand. 3 days is. To too long.

[Anonymous]

Op here. This is at a children's hospital, but not in the DMV area. The hospital said we could take turns as we like, it is up to us who stays with DS and when. It is fairly major surgery, he will need a blood transfusion and has three specialists performing the operation (in addition to the rest of the surgical team). We have no other children so it is just us taking turns to be with DS. I guess I'm having a hard time thinking of from x hour - x hour it's DH and then from x hour - x hour it's mine. What on earth are we going to do when we're not with him? I can't imagine watching tv or taking a nap or anything else "normal".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This is at a children's hospital, but not in the DMV area. The hospital said we could take turns as we like, it is up to us who stays with DS and when. It is fairly major surgery, he will need a blood transfusion and has three specialists performing the operation (in addition to the rest of the surgical team). We have no other children so it is just us taking turns to be with DS. I guess I'm having a hard time thinking of from x hour - x hour it's DH and then from x hour - x hour it's mine. What on earth are we going to do when we're not with him? I can't imagine watching tv or taking a nap or anything else "normal".

^^ It's only going to be 3 days max in the hospital, right? Surely, you can power through that. And you might surprise yourself - you might feel compelled to nap (especially if you're up all night comforting a child in pain; ask me how I know) or find yourself watching tv/reading/zoning out, super long hot shower, some comfort food, etc.

You can always go for a walk; fresh air and exericise will do a world of good. I felt mentally refreshed with the change of scenery, moving around, and clearing my head, and the like.

Also, start focusing on the recovery once discharged from the hospital/post surgery. I feel like nobody ever talks about that much. The nurses and doctors seem to push you out by that last day and the patient specialist sorta rushes you, and you can't think of any questions at that particular moment, and you're left with Google to answer your questions at 10pm in a hotel room in a strange city. I wish I had known some life hacks, been told about side effects (didn't realize horrible and uncontrollable diarrhea was normal with the XYZ prescription DS had to take or that he was still in an unusual amount pain despite "suppose to feel much better" by Day X, for example), have card games/board games/ video games to help your child take his mind off of things, you get the picture.

[Anonymous]

For us that would be a no-brainer. We all pile into the hotel for whatever number of nights, and when one of us isn't at the hospital, the other works and cares for our other child doing virtual learning, in the hotel room.

I'm surprised you're focusing on how you might spend your hotel time, OP! If pediatric surgery is scheduled during a pandemic, and in-patient recovery is expected to last a few days, it must be very serious. Hotel time doesn't seem like the main question you should be concerned about.

[Anonymous]

I would leave it flexible. If DS has a miserable night day 1 and one parent was constantly "on", they might need to switch. Or, maybe DS and parent sleep all night (by hospital standards) and want some time together in the am. The off parent can be looking for some special treats for everyone or relaxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
For us that would be a no-brainer. We all pile into the hotel for whatever number of nights, and when one of us isn't at the hospital, the other works and cares for our other child doing virtual learning, in the hotel room.

I'm surprised you're focusing on how you might spend your hotel time, OP! If pediatric surgery is scheduled during a pandemic, and in-patient recovery is expected to last a few days, it must be very serious. Hotel time doesn't seem like the main question you should be concerned about.

Op here. Sorry, I guess I didn't word it correctly. I'm a nervous wreck and can't imagine NOT being with DS in his room. So when it's DH's shift, I'm worried about how I'm going to pass the time not being with DS. I understand with the pandemic they have these policies in place but it just feels unfair and since this is major surgery, I have no idea what to expect. I will take another PP's suggestion and ask the hospital staff what other families have done.

[Anonymous]

Will your kid be able to watch shows? Maybe you could sync up watching something together, even while back in the hotel? Other things you could do remotely - read out loud, draw on the whiteboard on zoom, possibly play a game like uno. But you should also nap, go for a walk, watch your own show,... and not feel guilty about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
For us that would be a no-brainer. We all pile into the hotel for whatever number of nights, and when one of us isn't at the hospital, the other works and cares for our other child doing virtual learning, in the hotel room.

I'm surprised you're focusing on how you might spend your hotel time, OP! If pediatric surgery is scheduled during a pandemic, and in-patient recovery is expected to last a few days, it must be very serious. Hotel time doesn't seem like the main question you should be concerned about.

Op here. Sorry, I guess I didn't word it correctly. I'm a nervous wreck and can't imagine NOT being with DS in his room. So when it's DH's shift, I'm worried about how I'm going to pass the time not being with DS. I understand with the pandemic they have these policies in place but it just feels unfair and since this is major surgery, I have no idea what to expect. I will take another PP's suggestion and ask the hospital staff what other families have done.

My apologies!
Would your husband be OK with you as the main hospital visitor? I assume the hospital doesn't care which parent attends, they just don't want more than one at the same time. My husband is a doctor, which is the only reason I'd let him go in my place, but otherwise I'd want to be the main visitor
To while away the time in the hotel, you can call your family and friends, work, bring some crossword puzzles or other brain-engaging activities, perhaps a yoga mat? Scout out some hiking trails nearby. And in the evening, perhaps stream some movies on your device.

Hang in there, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will your kid be able to watch shows? Maybe you could sync up watching something together, even while back in the hotel? Other things you could do remotely - read out loud, draw on the whiteboard on zoom, possibly play a game like uno. But you should also nap, go for a walk, watch your own show,... and not feel guilty about that.

Op here. Thanks for this response. Very helpful suggestions and thank you for your kind words. We are both taking time off work since we don't know what to expect. I guess I don't know if we should plan for 6 hour shifts, or 8 hour shifts? Or DH does tucking in at bedtime one night and I do it the next? I guess it's all relative to family dynamics but how others might go about doing this would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

When my child was hospitalized, I was staying the night with him. Having someone switch off with me early in the morning was helpful. I liked going home quickly and showering and getting morning coffee at home, cuddling with my other kids while they were rested and happy - and that helped me feel rejuvenated to return by the afternoon. I never slept well at the hospital so that switch off was fairly early, like 7 am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will your kid be able to watch shows? Maybe you could sync up watching something together, even while back in the hotel? Other things you could do remotely - read out loud, draw on the whiteboard on zoom, possibly play a game like uno. But you should also nap, go for a walk, watch your own show,... and not feel guilty about that.

Op here. Thanks for this response. Very helpful suggestions and thank you for your kind words. We are both taking time off work since we don't know what to expect. I guess I don't know if we should plan for 6 hour shifts, or 8 hour shifts? Or DH does tucking in at bedtime one night and I do it the next? I guess it's all relative to family dynamics but how others might go about doing this would be helpful.

My kid was in the hospital a lot during covid. The hospital was asking for no more than 1 change per 24 hours at that point.

We would switch out during a nap. The parent who was there would do the bedtime routine before nap (my kid found routine hugely comforting in the hospital), and then we'd switch out when he was asleep, because hospital policy was that the switch had to take place outside the hospital and that was way too stressful when awake. Then the other parent would be there when they woke up, and repeat the bedtime routine at bedtime.