Do you have a small-for-age son?

[Anonymous]

My eleven-year-old son is short and very thin for his age (consistently approx 5-10% on growth charts since birth) and appears to be the smallest boy in his grade. He is happily involved in activities (primarily sports) and seems well-adjusted, but not surprisingly, as his peers are starting to move into puberty, he is growing more self-conscious about his size (and sports are becoming more challenging for him). It is not lost on us that his only two close friends are the boys in his grade that are closest to him in size. For reasons I won't bore you with, he will be moving from a school he likes to a new school next year. Do you have any advice for helping him maintain a healthy self-esteem? Maybe I am just looking for someone who has "been there" and can commiserate and/or has a perspective to share from having an older son who has already emerged from puberty. I know we are very blessed our son is healthy and that so far (knock on wood) this is the only challenge adolescence is presenting us with. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

My son is also small, (10-25 percentile) but actually finally grew a little bit starting at 13. Some of the boys in his 8th grade class are still 8-9 inches taller than he is. It's never been a problem but he is also quite athletic (fastest in the class, etc.) so his size doesn't seem to be an issue socially. At this age there is still a huge range of size in kids and the bigger kids seem a little more awkward than the smaller kids in MS. That probably changes in HS.

[Anonymous]

My cousin, at 20, is very short, slim and handsome. My aunt told me *she* suffered more than he did during the puberty years, because he wanted to play football and she refused because she was sure he would be trampled to death... He went into rowing to become a star coxswain (does not row, directs/coordinates rowers, need authority/leadership skills) where his small size was an asset. I have always known him to be quite confident and sure of himself.

For that matter, my DH is a very slim 5'6" and has enough self-confidence for 10 people... scuba-dived, sailed catamarans in gale-force winds, and earned respect with his brains.

My point is that you should steer you son towards a hobby he enjoys and that his peers will respect. The easiest would be a sport where his size would be an advantage, but it could be something else.

Hmm, I anticipate having the same problem with DS in the next few years, as he has consistently been in the 10% percentile for height and 3rd (!!) for weight.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, PPs, for taking the time to post -- great advice.

[Anonymous]

18:19, thanks for posting. I have two boys that are very small - third percentile and sixth percentile. Due to early malnutrition and other issues, their pediatrician doesn't expect them to have a growth spurt. Although I don't really know what I worry about for them, I do. I had not thought about how a small size can be an asset.

[Anonymous]

My son (a middle schooler) has three friends who are small and I know it's an issue for each one of the boys and their parents, too. All three are athletic, play on school and club teams. From the outside they seem confident. Sometimes being small works to your advantage in sports. I'm not sure what else to add but some of our top movie actors are not tall! (It's funny it's the opposite for girls. In middle school I hated being the tallest!) We all grew into who and what we are. Listen to cues that he's self-conscious and talk it through ...

[Anonymous]

My son was small for his age but very athletic growing up. In middle school he was crushed when he didn't make a competitive soccer team that all his friends did. He had the skills but not the height. And when he got to high school, he couldn't compete with his peers who were already "men" in varsity sports. He was l a boy competing against men. I think it was tough but he always had a group of childhood friends who accepted him. He was 4'11" as a freshman in high school. Dabbled in tennis, wrestling, and cross country. Went on to college and grew in college. He is now 5'9" and feels very comfortable for his height.