Comedy of errors - trying to move to shared room for 18 mo and 4 yo

[Anonymous]

Help! We have 2 kids (1 1/2 and 4) who need to start sharing a room at our cabin. Right now the 18 mo is in a pack and play in the closet which isn’t going to work long term. They have the same bedtime and the 1 1/2 isn’t in a crib at home. At home the routine for our little one is read, sing, lay down, rub his belly, and then leave when he has settled (maybe a minute or two). He then usually gets up and turns his light on, sits by the door, maybe whines a tiny bit, and then he falls asleep on the floor. This is fine for us. Our oldest we read a book in bed and then cuddle and say good night. One has a night light but the other doesn’t. One uses white noise and the other tolerates but doesn’t love.

Last night was our first night attempting to put them in the same room. It was an epic disaster and after 90 min I pulled the plug.

I read all the threads here and figured I could do it. Should I have started at home and not our vacation place which isn’t as familiar? Did my toddler need to really understand “this is your bed?” Should I have turned the nightlights off and given my DD a flashlight? Tell me it’s gets easier.

[Anonymous]

I would back up and get them sleeping in the same way individually before combining them. So, start with the little one - you need to get to a place where he’s falling asleep in his bed with the lights off. Get them on the same page with the white noise and the nightlight. Once they’re on the same page in separate rooms, then you can try them together again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would back up and get them sleeping in the same way individually before combining them. So, start with the little one - you need to get to a place where he’s falling asleep in his bed with the lights off. Get them on the same page with the white noise and the nightlight. Once they’re on the same page in separate rooms, then you can try them together again.

Thank you. I think I took ripping the bandaid off too literally ... The nightlight is a bummer - I really think they disrupt sleep so I loathe to get the little one using it.

[Anonymous]

What we do with 2 and 4- read the same books together in bed together. Brush teeth together. Get in their beds and then I sing to both and kiss goodnight. Then I turn out the light.

I wouldn’t allow the 1 year old to turn on the light. I had this issue in a rental (crib was next to light switch and he turned it on and off). I unscrewed the light bulbs. I like to find a solution that doesn’t involve me screaming. If he gets out of bed, return him.

[Anonymous]

Is there a reason your younger one isn't in a crib? If mine had free access to the room, I can't even imagine. But he and my 4yo DD do really well room sharing (they have been for the past year). It may just take some getting used to. As well as a long nights where you refuse to pull the plug (I know how hard!).

[Anonymous]

OP - I admire your confidence that your children would adjust to sharing a bedroom in the course of 1 evening!

Any new situation is going to be a disruption. It doesn't mean it won't work -- it just means the kids need to get used to a new set up.

I would personally get the 18 month old to sleep first, and once he's asleep, the 4 year old goes in and goes to bed. Night light goes on at that point if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would back up and get them sleeping in the same way individually before combining them. So, start with the little one - you need to get to a place where he’s falling asleep in his bed with the lights off. Get them on the same page with the white noise and the nightlight. Once they’re on the same page in separate rooms, then you can try them together again.

Thank you. I think I took ripping the bandaid off too literally ... The nightlight is a bummer - I really think they disrupt sleep so I loathe to get the little one using it.

Try using a red light nightlight or salt lamp. It isnt as disruptive. I also have a noise machine that has a light under it and it has 3 settings (low, variable (it kind of fades and then brightens and then fades x infinity, and off). This may work for you to wean him slowly off a night light but I dont find any of the options I listed as disruptive and I am super sensitive to light at night. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B085GF5G5R/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

We use red light nightlights in our bathrooms so that they dont stimulate you if you need to use the restroom in the middle of the night and I use the salt lamp to read books. If my son has a particularly tough night winding down we let him play for a bit or read books with the salt lamp on and then turn it down to half strength over the course of 5-10 minutes,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a reason your younger one isn't in a crib? If mine had free access to the room, I can't even imagine. But he and my 4yo DD do really well room sharing (they have been for the past year). It may just take some getting used to. As well as a long nights where you refuse to pull the plug (I know how hard!).

Same. My 2 year old was dangerous not in a crib. Like cutting curtains and opening the front door. We got him a crib tent. I’m sure by 3.5 his brain will have matured enough that he will be safe in a twin bed. He looooooooooves his crib tent btw. Calls it his cave.

[Anonymous]

Thank you everyone for the guidance and ideas. I’m going to get the 18 month old falling asleep in his bed (we are close, at nap time he mostly stays) and get their routines similar. What can I say? I’m an optimist! I expected mayhem but last night was wild. The dog even ran out the front door at one point, so DH had to go find him, and I locked myself in the room with the baby latch and no phone to call for my husband to get me out..

As for no cribs at 18 months, it’s what we did for my DD and it worked great. So far it’s been fine for my son though he cruises around more than she did (never once got out of bed!). The room is baby proofed so the worst he could do is take his pajamas out of a drawer or read a book or two. My favorite is when he turns on the lamp (floor switch), reads and then turns it off and climbs back in bed. I don’t know, it works for us. If he was going to burn the place down I would probably think twice but he is too young to give us as hard of a time as a 3 year old can.

- OP