Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
Dealling with low self esteem!!!
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Help! I need advice on how to deal with low self esteem.I have a great boyfriend,but things are not working out because I have an issue
with self esteem ex.I dont think I am beautiful enough for him,I dont have confidence in myself etc,etc....He says he needs a strong women and if I dont change he is going to leave,and I REALLY love him.... |
Anonymous
|
Oh dear, you can't go out and get self-esteem to try to "keep" a man. That's pretty much counter to the definition of self-esteem. Self-esteem means you value YOURSELF, not yourself as reflected in relationship to a boyfriend (or anyone else, for that matter).
I don't really know how to tell you to get better self-esteem... I know when I was depressed, mine was awful. Do you think you might be depressed? Regardless, therapy could help. Try a cognitive-behavioral therapist (google it) -- they focus on changing your negative self-thoughts. I hope you find something that works for you. And you may discover that once you are feeling better, you will see that the whole "He says he needs a strong women and if I dont change he is going to leave" business is obnoxious. A good, caring partner does not hold out the threat of leaving to try to get the other person to make personality changes. A good, caring partner loves you for who you ARE, not who he wants you to be. |
Anonymous
Anonymous
|
I have my bouts with low self esteem, primarily in a work environment. What I have been doing, and it really works when I remember to do it, is pretend to be the person I want to be. I think about co-workers shose style I like and I try and copy some of her traits. This makes me feel that I am role playing rather than opening myself up to ridicule.
I can see this working in relationships, too. You want to come across as confident, try an emulate someone who exudes confidence (supermodels, Oprah, Angelina Jolie, etc.) Pretend you are a well-loved public personality and that your sh*t don't stink. You can have anyone in the world! It is true, confidence is very appealing...would you date someone who is whiny and needs you for validation? or would you rather go out with someone who stands up for themselves? Practice...practice..practice and eventually it will become second nature. I really think that the reason some of us have low self esteem isn't so much that we feel bad about who we are, but because we never learned to be confident and show self-assurance. |
Anonymous
|
For me, what helps is setting and achieving goals for myself (don't have to be big goals). For example, I started running a few years ago and the more I run, the farther and faster I go and the better I feel about myself. I've entered 10k and 10-miler races, and it feels like a great accomplishment to finish. So, I'd suggest finding something you enjoy doing, do it, and give yourself credit for it!
Your boyfriend is someone who should make you feel good about yourself as you are. If he doesn't, get rid of him! |
Anonymous
| Take a chance and do your own thing. Take up your own room. Don't look back. |
Anonymous
| Why does he NEED a STRONG woman? And what exactly does that mean? Sounds like you're dating the reason for your low self-esteem. |
Anonymous
| pp is right all these requirements and ultimatums sound scary. You THINK you're in love. |
Anonymous
| If he were a great boyfriend he wouldn't threaten to leave unless you change. It sounds like he's bad news. |
Anonymous
| want to booste your self esteem? Tell the jerk to take a hike, and never look back! He does not deserve you, sounds like he is a weak man. Good luck to you. |
Anonymous
|
Most men I know, when they say that they want a strong woman, what they mean is one that will entertain herself.
For someone to raise their self esteem, it helps to not have someone there, knocking them down. |
Anonymous
| pp. LOL!!! |
Anonymous
OP, I never felt better than the day that I told my "perfect" boyfriend that I was leaving. He wasn't perfect, he just did a great job of convincing me that he was, and that I was the one with all the problems. |
Anonymous
| Wow- that's amazing- you don;t have such self esteem issues if in one day you can tell what seemed to be (for what you told us) not a good match for your needs. Anyway, most low self esteem people would defend their boyfriend's action and justify what their boyfriend said/felt-- wow- one day- really- that's amazing- well, just know you're not so low on the self esteem as you thought! |
Anonymous
OPPS- I misread PP's as OP.. I so wish OP was the one who did write that since it was encouraging! |