So on the fence about preschool

[Anonymous]

Working mom to an almost two year old with a nanny here.

I am so indecisive about whether to send my child to preschool and am looking for advice. It seems like all of our friends do preschool when their child turns two, even with a nanny.

In the "pros" column:
1. I would LOVE for my son to have the fun activities, ability to learn and socialization that preschool would provide.
2. We are having another baby this summer and it might be good for him to be in school some days so the baby can nap at home and not have to nap on the go all day while big bro goes to the park, etc.
3. He is a bit clingy and so it might be good for him to break out of that.

In the "cons" column:
1. It's expensive and it pains me to pay for it on top of a nanny. How can it really be worth thousands of dollars a year to just be playing somewhere else? We have toys here.
2. He socializes at the park.
3. In non Covid times, hopefully soon, he can go to library story time, music class at church, play dates, Vacation Bible School in the summer, etc. for far cheaper (or free).
4. My mom was a SAHM with no help and I'm pretty sure I played on the floor while she watched soaps until I went to Kindergarten, and I am a successful adult with no scars from lack of preschool at age 2.

Thoughts? I've looked into play groups like Little Graces, but it's almost as expensive as preschool!

Thanks for the advice!

[Anonymous]

For most people, this is a money question first. If you can afford a nanny and preschool, maybe do a half day or part-week program? That way the nanny can have time to give the baby more attention and you'll get the benefits of preschool but lower cost.

[Anonymous]

Personally we didn't do preschool until 4 because of having a nanny. Academically it definitely didn't harm my kids. Socially my oldest perhaps could have used more interaction, my younger two kids were fine, and in early ES there was space for my oldest to catch up anyway (the pandemic has been a pain for my ES kids socially, but that's a separate issue).

We are totally weird at our preschool for not sending our kids until 4, but it worked for our family.

[Anonymous]

2-year-olds are mostly not "socializing" at preschool. They are parallel playing, which is valuable, but not exactly interaction. I think it's more important at 2 to have that one-on-one attention from an adult.

[Anonymous]

If you are adding a baby this summer, preschool for your two year old this fall will almost certainly be a fail, esp if they’re already clingy. I did this when my fourth was born. I needed my two year old to go to preschool but he hated it and just wanted to be near me and the baby (and the nanny). I regret spending the money for him to play elsewhere. And I agree with the PP who said at that age they mostly do parallel play anyway. Yet it Fall 2022 and you and your DC will have a much better time of it and you will save the money.

[Anonymous]

You can easily wait until three for preschool.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need it for at least a year as long as you have a nanny who will arrange play dates and take your child to the park where other kids are playing.

[Anonymous]

Preschool is like 3 hrs/day like 2x or 3x week, right?

See if you nanny will take a paycut or do extra work (maybe kid's laundry, or something) since now she's working less hours but the same pay and you're trying to save money. Or maybe keep the rate as is seeing your nanny will soon have to care for a newborn + 2yr old.

What preschools are you looking at that it costs so much? Look into church-based preschools (you don't have to be affiliated with the religon) for cheaper options.

FWIW, the preschool can help break the clingyness. And with the 2 yr old in a set routine this Fall with 3x/week preschool, it will be good to have that routine especially with a new sibling "interupting" things.

[Anonymous]

We have a great, engaged nanny and didn’t do preschool until 3.5 for oldest and will do the same with the baby. Although our oldest gained a lot from preschool, he actually regressed in “academics”

[Anonymous]

It’s really a money thing. Do it if you can easily afford it, but absolutely don’t stress or bother if it would feel right.

[Anonymous]

It isn’t really preschool until 3. Before that it is just daycare. I would keep the nanny for another year

[Anonymous]

I'd wait, like other PP's have said. He's getting what he needs right now, and it's working for your family. You can always re-assess next fall, after baby is born and see how covid is doing.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here. Yes you could argue I am biased.

1) There is no developmental reason for a 2yo to be in school. Whatever they get out of it at 2 they will get out of it at 3 and probably better and with less stress.

2) I would not add a big adjustment right after adding a new baby either and finally,

3) the first time nanny/SAHP kids go to school they end up catching EVERYTHING. I would avoid that with a newborn, and not because of COVID. Small kids share germs back and forth easily and a cold or fever for a toddler could be really serious for a newborn.

As for the nap thing and worrying about getting the baby on a schedule:
What I have always done is to try to get the younger sibling on a 3-nap-a-day schedule by about 4-6 months. Get everybody up and dressed and fed breakfast, then head to a park, playground, play in the yard, go for a walk, etc. Once we get there I pop the baby in a carrier and keep a bottle handy so I can feed the baby as needed and then let baby pass out for am nap in the carrier. We play outside until baby wakes up, then head home.

At home we do indoor play for toddler/tummy time for baby. Then do snack/bottle and I set up toddler with a device or other distraction for 20 minutes so they can sit on the floor in baby’s room while I settle baby for a proper afternoon nap in a crib. Then get toddler down for their nap.

Baby usually wakes before toddler so they get some extra snuggles and one-on-one, then when toddler wakes we do an indoor activity like an art project together, with baby in my lap or on a play mat nearby. Usually around dinnertime for toddler baby is starting to get fussy so I will wear the baby in a carrier for a catnap during dinner, then wake baby up to take a bath when I take toddler upstairs for a bath. After everyone’s bathed and in pjs, I will snuggle with a pile of books and feed baby while I read books to toddler. Then baby is ready to be put down and subsequently do a final bedtime for toddler.

[Anonymous]

Wait until 3

[Anonymous]

This child is still very young. Let the child stay home, especially if you have a nanny.