Getting family to pick up after themselves without nagging and nitpicking

[Anonymous]

My husband and son do not pick up after themselves very well. DH is a is a mess and I don't want 8 year old son to grow up the same. He needs to learn to do things himself, and I am tired of picking up for my spouse.

Things like: leaving packaging laying around. DH used the last two batteries and left the package on the counter. He opened an Amazon box and left it all on the dining room table.

Leaving winter hats and masks and gloves everywhere. I have baskets by each door but they don't use them.

Not putting things away; dh used the scissors and they're still on the counter instead of back in the drawer. Etc etc.

DS is the same. I tell myself these are little things and what kind of family are we if we can't do these little things for each other. But. I'm tired of it and also, I want to teach my son to pick up after himself.

But a million times a day, I'm pointing out these little things and it makes me seem nitpicky. I mean really, is it normal to have to tell your spouse and child to pick up every little thing?

[Anonymous]

Op again. The other day, I asked dh to "Clean off the counter" (the bar height counter between kitchen and family room). This was in preparation for my parents coming for dinner. 20 minutes I reminded him. He inexplicably said "I did!" My response: "I see 2 masks, an empty coffee cup, a dirty paper towel, a straw and a banana. "

Literally. I had to list each specific thing for him to pick up.

[Anonymous]

My husband "doesnt see" the mess. Until one time he wanted to make a video clip for a family member, and he started raging that he couldnt find a single place in the house without junk in the background. He cleaned then. Now he's back to not seeing.

[Anonymous]

Hahaha (sorry! And good luck.)

[Anonymous]

Op again. I'm venting. I rearranged the mud room so that there are specific spots for specific things. One large section of the counter is purely for my husband to put his miscellaneous things down. However, ds couldn't find his gloves. I looked in the bin I designated for hats and gloves, and found several of DH's misc things piled in there. I was so disheartened.

At this point I find it incredibly disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Each time he or your son puts garbage somewhere other than the trash, leave it on his pillow. Any time he leaves non-trash somewhere, take it and put it in a bag in a closet. When he can't find it, shrug and say "Not my problem - get organized and you won't have these problems."

I would never have married someone like that. I can't live that way.

[Anonymous]

If you have to pick it up, it goes in a black plastic trash bag. Once a week that bag goes to the curb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have to pick it up, it goes in a black plastic trash bag. Once a week that bag goes to the curb.

+1

And if they can't find crap, don't stress looking for it. It's not your problem.

[Anonymous]

All-family 5-minute clean-ups every day, like right after dinner. Focus on one room at a time if that would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

My wife has never met a counter she didn’t like to fill with crap. This has been going on for 31 years so I just deal with it so if something is sitting there for more than a few days I first hide it and then a week later, if she hasn’t mentioned it, I throw it out.

[Anonymous]

Get a box and put stuff in it. Then put the box where you know your DH will see it, like his favorite chair. Sometimes it wastes more of your energy trying to convince them to change their ways than to just move the stuff yourself. Unfortunately he's setting a bad example for your son. If the bad feelings build, it can eat away at your marriage. If you have lots of boxes, you can put the stuff in a different box every time and have the boxes build up in his man space. If he still doesn't notice his space is being overrun with boxes, and you express that you feel disrespected by his lack of cleaning up after himself, try counseling. If that doesn't help, then he's a lost cause and you have to think about if you want to be married to someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Kind of sounds like adhd, which can run in families...

[Anonymous]

I can be like that (40 year old female). I suspect ADD, but I do try hard and I’m trying harder so my kids do better than me.

Instead of asking them each time you see it, stop twice a day and have do a 5 minute family cleanup. Before lunch and before bed for example. Every few days remind them that if they had just taken the extra step of putting it away each time; they wouldn’t have to do this 5 minute cleanup. It helps after awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All-family 5-minute clean-ups every day, like right after dinner. Focus on one room at a time if that would be helpful.

Yes, I used to do this, but called it the 15 minute clean up. I would put on music and give each person a specific site to clean and we would all go after it. Everyone participated and it is amazing how much you can all get done in that time.

[Anonymous]

Oh wow. I feel you, OP. It's not just the stuff on the counter, it's also that every time I want to find something, I have to go on a hunt for it. Where are the scissors, the hairbrushes, the nail clippers, the gloves, the sunglasses, the calculator?