unfairly stereotyped at work as being a negative nancy

[Anonymous]

i work at a non-profit and we are, like a lot of community service organizations, under-resourced. it seems like everyone has to do everyone else's job half the time and lines get blurred and so on and so forth.

i am the only person in my office with my particular job title and function. and one of the things i have to do is closely examine ideas for new projects and make sure they fit into funding guidelines and that ensure we are compliant with grants etc...so, consequently, i have to ask a lot of questions of people i work with about their programs and gather a lot of information. in meetings, i am the person who frequently plays devils advocate. this irritates my coworkers, who have best of intentions and run wonderful social programs. of course, i have to do it. it's my job. if i don't, then individual programs and even the entire organization could be at risk.

but now people at work don't like me. they sometimes kid that i am going to shoot something down before they can even get it our of their mouths. worse, they are starting to ignore my input unless i strenuously object to something because they claim that i always only say negative things (actually, i don't--that is only what they seem to remember). worse, i think a few people have actually started to retaliate. so now when i am talking about something in a meeting, i notice that someone will give me a hard time for what seems like the hell of it.

all of this is to say. work has become very difficult for me and i feel like i cannot reverse this trend. i should say that my immediate supervisor is totally supportive of me. he seems to be the only person who "gets" what i am supposed to do.

[Anonymous]

I "hate" it when people play devil's advocate -- it's inherently negative. Is there a way to rephrase whatever you have to say in a positive way, yet still get the information you need?

[Anonymous]

that sounds like a lawyer

[Anonymous]

Your job sounds stressful.

I have a few responses, but I have never been in exactly your position.

1.) I'd try to develop guidelines ahead of time for what information you need people to provide that you could make publicly available. Consider creating a list of what things you could potentially say yes to. Some grant funding agencies do this, because they want to help people succeed. It's a way of messaging your support for people to tell them ahead of time where the flash points are.

2.) If your boss is supportive of you, talk to him about strategies, so you feel less isolated and alone in being the person who has to say NO. How can all members of your office share ownership in the need for fiscal restraint, prioritization of resources, etc.

3.) Read proposals carefully and have at least one specific honest positive comment. I would avoid a general comment and instead get specific. "This is such a great idea because of X." Your coworkers would clearly see you read and considered their ideas. Maybe your colleagues just need to feel more listened to, and less categorically shot down?

It sounds like a tough position to be in. I hope it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps you should rethink your approach to the job. Maybe you can change things around.

You could do a lot of education about the guidelines and also develop suggestions on how to comply, with examples of what works or doesn't. That way, they can think about how to meet them while they are coming up with the ideas. This could be accomplished by some presentations on your part, but also if your groups need to do written proposals, perhaps the proposal form could include questions on how they are to meet X,Y,or Z requirement. That may get them involved in working to meet these objectives long before the review.

Also, could you get involved early with them while they are developing the idea in order to help them comply? No one likes to get fully invested in a project and then get told why it can't be done.

In short, if your job was not just to approve or reject, but rather to help them make a successful proposal, then they would likely see you as an ally instead of a roadblock.

[Anonymous]

maybe you should change how you say things.

[Anonymous]

You may be approaching things as a problem finder, rather than a problem solver.

This sounds simple, but its a huge difference.

A few thoughts-

-are you shooting projects down in the idea phase / brainstorming phase? Will projects ultimately come to you and you can deal with them then, as opposed to always feeling like you have to say no right off the bat?
(what I'm really getting at, is - are people asking you your opinion at the meeting, or are you just volunteering, but it might not be the time?)

- I get the feeling from your post (and this may be my wild misinterpretation) that the making projects fit the appropriate criteria is a component of your job, but not the main thing. Ie- have you taken on this role, but a bit too far and more than you should have?

Just some thoughts to think about. Sorry about my lack of caps, its late and I'm spent.

In general though, I would try to actively look for ways to say yes or delay saying no, until you really have an issue.

[Anonymous]

There's a huge difference between making sure projects meet guidelines, which is enormously helpful, and playing devil's advocate, which is shooting things down or looking for problems that may not even exist. I agree that you need to change your style. Try to point out ways projects can be strengthened. And bring the guidelines to the table, not the problems.

[Anonymous]

Not to pile on, but I would agree with the other posters, especially 22:02. Nothing drives me crazier than that person that has information and hoards it, won't bring it up to you in private, then comments about why something won't work in a group meeting with my boss there. I'm not saying that is exactly what is happening at your job (I don't know if you have already prepped, given guidelines, worked with people in private etc.), but when I have had that situation it makes me feel like that person is trying to score brownie points at my expense rather than truly being part of a team. Yes, it does take time to share knowledge and educate people but in the end that is ultimately what can make or break a project. You could be doing "the right thing" but if you haven't brought other people along on that journey in computer systems at least they will be like "what the bleep is this, why do we need to change". And do you really want that conversation at the end of a project?

What's amazing is you start to get this team dynamic where you start to get people on board and they become your ally and help you with other people that may be be the truly difficult personalities. Also, along the way, you learn things - if there are any red flags they see, they will want to give you the heads up. You want to create an environment where they don't want to see you fail, and they know that you don't want them to fail.

You probably want to talk with your boss and figure out how to turn it around. You can't be effective at your job that way things are going. It won't be a fun conversation with the co-workers turning it around, but if you own your sh** so to speak and say "Hey, as a "X position", I know I can sometimes want to control/own X part of the project but I realize it hasn't been fair to you to shoot something down and not have the conversations earlier on what type of projects could get funding and what we need to look for - what type of projects would expose us to risk, and work more with people at the beginning. I want to change how we have been working together, and I need your help. What would you need to know up front that would help you so when we get to the meetings discuss projects that have good chances of going forward."

[Anonymous]

"Is there a way to rephrase whatever you have to say in a positive way, yet still get the information you need? "

I would think about this. Are you making sure people know that their ideas are great and that you respect what they are trying to do, before you say that there is no money? Are you telling them that they can do a project if XYZ happens, rather than just saying that they can't do it? I think that even if you don't love what someone has proposed, or think that a creative way to get funding will work, if you can somewhat sincerely express appreciation for the ideas or show that you are taking time to consider them, then your co-workers will take an ultimate "no" much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
-are you shooting projects down in the idea phase / brainstorming phase? Will projects ultimately come to you and you can deal with them then, as opposed to always feeling like you have to say no right off the bat?
(what I'm really getting at, is - are people asking you your opinion at the meeting, or are you just volunteering, but it might not be the time?)

OP, this is a good question to ask yourself. My supervisor freaks out if she hears people brainstorming or speculating about a particular action. It's as if she gets scared that things will suddenly balloon out of control even though the people who are talking know that it's only speculation at that point. I think we've lost some good people on our team because she doesn't trust anyone to not suddenly do something rash. When you're smart and responsible it is so aggravating to be treated that way. (She has other good qualities that keep me there but sometimes I think....)

You haven't said enough for me to be sure you're like my supervisor -- just a question I wanted to raise for you. Are your objections making it seem to others that you're questioning their intelligence, competence and/or loyalty? Or are you clearly differentiating between calling something a bad idea and calling someone stupid?

[Anonymous]

You're enjoying your day..Everything is going your way and then along comes Debbie Downer...Always there to tell ya 'bout a new disease, a car accident or killer bees. You'll beg her to spare you. Debbie PLEASE!! But you can't stop Debbie Downer!

[Anonymous]

22:02's idea about requiring project/proposal info in advance is a great one. It's not personal that way.

I would make it come from the boss first. "Here's our new project summary sheet when proposing ideas...."

Then you use it from then on out. In meetings, you say, "Sounds great! I will get you the project summary sheet and we can go over the idea in detail later...."

[Anonymous]

LOL - I've been there. I'm in finance, and one of my roles at my current and previous positions has been to weigh the costs and benefits of various projects and recommend or veto them accordingly. Which as you can imagine makes people unhappy. Yes, maybe there's a way you can say something to lessen its negative impact. But let's face it - people get passionate about their pet projects, whether or not they make sense. And when you have limited (financial, personnel) resources, you can't do everyone's projects. You have to pick the ones that make the most sense for the organization. A lot of times, people just can't see it objectively like that. And sometimes the projects are completely hare-brained. You can say no as nicely as possible, but it's still no, and people will still be p*ssed off.

Maybe you need to speak to the people and say, "Hey, I know I have a rep as a negative nancy. I'm sorry, but you have to realize that it's not personal - it's just my job. It's my job to come up with the possible risks and downsides of your projects. Just like it's your job to come up with the possible upsides and sell me on this project. You should also be examining your project for what my possible objections might be, so you're prepared to address those concerns, and it'll make a stronger case for your project. (this is what lawyers do - they think about the possible arguments their opponent could make, so they're not responding totally on the fly.) Our organization has limited resources and we need to be absolutely certain we are using them in the best way possible. Please don't take what I say personally, in any case - this is business, it's not personal."

good luck.

[Anonymous]

Lots of good advice for you from the PPs, so let me just add one thought: Instead of just telling them what's wrong with the project, help them to identify ways in which they can still accomplish their goals within the compliance/funding structure. Suggest alternative approaches. This echoes back to the PP who noted the difference between a "problem finder" and a "problem solver." Your job isn't to shoot down projects; your job is to try to get projects to be successful. So if you work with people to get to that point, rather than just pointing out the failings, they will feel like you are on the same side (because you are, in the larger sense -- right?). They will respond accordingly.

Sharing information in advance and acknowledging that there might be a more constructive approach than was taken in the past will also help.

Good luck.