Why do people become abusive in relationships?

[Anonymous]

Does it ever stop? My husband of 8 years has been emotionally and verbally abusive over the past year. I am so close to walking out and miss the wonderful and kind met I knew all the years. Why does this happen to people?

[Anonymous]

In my case he was deep in an emotional affair. Probably physical, too, but I never had proof.

[Anonymous]

OP i could have written your post. Im experiencing the exact same thing. We have a 2.5yo and I'm due in 3 weeks with number two. We've been extremely happy for 12 years I would have NEVER predicted this. My husband also doesn't understand it and has been proactive in seeking help. Im seeing my therapist, he is seeing his own therapist. He has been to our PCP twice and after a 5 month wait finally had his first appt with a psychiatrist last week. It did spark a little hope. All 3 across the board diagnosed him with Stress Adjustment Disorder. The psych even recommended no meds, a therapist that specializes in stress disorders, and said the outcome is almost always completely back to normal. Look into it, maybe it will fit your DH as well. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Mine was a narcissist. Add booze and string and it became abuse.

I am deeply sorry OP. So get out. I did - nearly killed me but I did. Life is better, I promise. Hang in there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine was a narcissist. Add booze and string and it became abuse.

I am deeply sorry OP. So get out. I did - nearly killed me but I did. Life is better, I promise. Hang in there

I am sorry. Mine too. The narcissism really came out after our son was born. It was horrible. Still unresolved today. Think I should leave

[Anonymous]

A lot of childhood trauma comes out midlife and the anger, lying and things they learned to cope start. A lot of men will find an escape by going outside of the marriage at that point. If you are lucky they don’t like themselves eventually and seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

DH wasn’t abusive, but was getting snarly and mean. It was a delayed reaction to his Dad dying. First 2 months he was fine. The next 6 were awful until I broke down crying and told him if he hated me so much just divorce me already. He had no idea he was doing it and actually was just thinking about how happy he was. He was shocked to discover this was about his grief.

Luckily, that conversation scared him and he started meditating again.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think they get a dopamine hit from tearing people down.

[Anonymous]

My ex-wife slowly evolved from being very nice and diplomatic to yelling multiple times per day and berating me over stupid things she wasn't even correct about (e.g. she misunderstood how to use the dishwasher and if I accidentally loaded it properly she would curse at me and tell me I'm an idiot). It slowly evolved to the point that I weirdly didn't even realize it was happening. In my mind, all couples were like that. You read things like "every couple fights," and I thought that's what they were talking about - it didn't occur to me that I shouldn't be getting cursed and belittled multiple times per day. I basically had PTSD from it at the time I divorced her. She stayed on my health insurance for a couple of years after the divorce and at some point I saw a list of prescriptions and she had gotten on anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications. I suppose it was a mental problem that had progressed as she moved from her early to late 20s.