3 and 5 year old will not play by themselves!

[Anonymous]

SAHM. I love my kids and I would die for them. But I am very burned out at the moment. When do they start playing with eachother?? Sometimes they will have a rare afternoon where they are running around playing together and will leave me alone but for the most part the 3YO isn’t interested in the 5YO’s games so the 5YO constantly wants me to fill-in. I do this and the 3YO gets jealous of the attention and whines and climbs all over me. Incessantly. Is this a parenting issue? What am I doing wrong? They require *constant* attention from DH and I. It would be nice to do household chores or just sit and do nothing for a few minutes without someone crying play with meeeeee... yes I know we will miss these days and when they are pouty teenagers but for this moment in time I feel completely depleted.

[Anonymous]

It’s not you, it’s that they’re 3 and 5. My 5 yo plays solo but she’s an only child. If there was a 3 yo around and they were playing indoors it would require a lot of intervention from me because 3 yos are so much younger and can’t keep up with the kind of verbal pretend toy play my kid does indoors. That’s not to say yours should never play together for short periods of time, but at this age they’re not going to go off to a playroom and be quietly absorbed in something for 2 hours. Maybe when they’re 5/7 or 9/11. Based on my nieces and nephews and my own siblings, 2 year gaps are tricky, though. Sometimes it would probably be easier if they were far apart because then at least there would be an expectation that one is older/the leader and one is younger/the follower.

[Anonymous]

I have a 20 mo and 4 yo, so a little different. The 20 mo still naps, so I can have him take a nap and put my 4 yo in quiet time. They will definitely play while I do chores, but no chance I could sit down without them bothering me. Sometimes if I just want to scroll the internet while they are playing, I stand up at the lap top - I don't know why, but they are fine with me standing, but if I sit down, they insist on bothering me.

My husband and I do a thing now where we each take one Saturday morning off every 4 weeks. Is your husband able to take your kids somewhere for 2-3 hrs sometimes? Or just play with them while you lock yourself in the bedroom or something?

[Anonymous]

Mine are 4 and 6 and have just started to seriously play together. But, when they were a little younger, I could sometimes get them to play together or both solo play by "filling their tank." Meaning, I play with them for 30-45 minutes and then tell them I have some stuff to take care of for a little while and suggesting that they do a puzzle or whatever while I am busy with other stuff.

[Anonymous]

My 2.5 and 4.5 year olds play together a lot. I think it comes down to interests. My kids both love cars and trucks and can play with them for hours. But they have lots of fights over toys and I have to referee.

[Anonymous]

You just have to say "this is solo play time." and put them in their rooms and close the door. Repeatedly. Start with ten minutes, then add ten each day to work up to an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just have to say "this is solo play time." and put them in their rooms and close the door. Repeatedly. Start with ten minutes, then add ten each day to work up to an hour.

This. I am a SAHM to a 4 and 5.5 year old boy and my parenting style can be called benign neglect. I never play with them. They have been playing together their whole lives.

[Anonymous]

I had this problem with my only child, and I know it developed because we let it. To turn this around, you will need a large visual timer. You can get one on Amazon. They show a clock with a red part that counts down, so its easy to see how much time is left. Then you set it for fifteen minutes of solo play, explaining ahead what that means, and setting out things you think they will play with. When the timer goes off, you immediately stop what you’re doing and pay attention to them. Repeat a few times a day. Then gradually lengthen the time. Develop as much of a schedule as you can, so they know what to expect when. Cycle toys in and out so they are fresh, along with a walk outside and a short video.

They can learn to do this gradually. You can reward them with praise and by telling them that this is what big kids do.

[Anonymous]

12 and 9 and never played together for more than 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had this problem with my only child, and I know it developed because we let it. To turn this around, you will need a large visual timer. You can get one on Amazon. They show a clock with a red part that counts down, so its easy to see how much time is left. Then you set it for fifteen minutes of solo play, explaining ahead what that means, and setting out things you think they will play with. When the timer goes off, you immediately stop what you’re doing and pay attention to them. Repeat a few times a day. Then gradually lengthen the time. Develop as much of a schedule as you can, so they know what to expect when. Cycle toys in and out so they are fresh, along with a walk outside and a short video.

They can learn to do this gradually. You can reward them with praise and by telling them that this is what big kids do.

The timer works well. I have a 6 year old and a two year old. The 6 year old stopped napping at 2 and we’ve embraced “quiet time” since then. She was unable to do anything alone. We did 5 minute increments at first and now she will happily play in her room for 2 hours. I think when young a close age gap can be challenging. My sister and I are 18 months apart and my mom was constantly intervening. I think that element gets better with time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You just have to say "this is solo play time." and put them in their rooms and close the door. Repeatedly. Start with ten minutes, then add ten each day to work up to an hour.

Please. Stop.

If you cannot be nice to your kids stop procreating. They need attention and you are at home as a SAHM then give them the forking attention.

[Anonymous]

I do 1 hour of quiet time (each in their own rooms) after lunch, and then they get a 30 minute video. They only get the video if they do quiet time, and they are HIGHLY motivated for video time. It's never without interruption, but it's a nice mid-day break for everyone.

Also, at least part of our day is always spent doing chores together. Kids fold napkins while I fold the clothes; they help change lightbulbs, cook whatever else we have going on.

[Anonymous]

I have a 3 and 6 year old. I’ve noticed that they have really started to play together over past 6 months. Sometimes giving them a project to work on together is enough to get them going - magna-tiles, blocks, art supplies, dress up. Whatever room they’re playing in is usually a disaster when they are done, but having some free is worth it!

[Anonymous]

OP what are their gender/s? Do they have similar interests?

I really can’t relate because my two older girls play together 24/7. My 22 month old boy needs me all the time because I don’t rust him to be unsupervised with the older girls for more than 10-15 min, but my girls have been playing together alone since they were 2 and 4 (they are 5 and 7 now). They have similar interests and adapt as well. Also, it helps that I HATE pretend games and they LOVE them. I will play cards or board games (or dance, play tennis, etc), but not pretend games with little dolls... if they want to play that, they need to do it without me (and they do... for hours)

[Anonymous]

My 3 year old and 4.5 year old can’t play together. Mostly because the 3 year old doesn’t follow rules or is just all over 4.5 year old. They Actually do like to play with the same things and if they are both on their A game can play together for like 20 minutes. But no, for the most part they can’t.