Maternity Leave plan - mom and dad tips!

[Anonymous]

Hi All,

I'm due in March and I am trying to figure out what my husband should do with his paternity leave. He gets 6 weeks total that he must use within the year. I plan on taking roughly 16 weeks of maternity leave.

He is thinking to take 2-3 weeks now (depending on the birth) and 3-4 weeks after. Did anyone else split up your mat/pat leave?

How did you find sole responsibility of the baby during maternity leave? Were you happy you split up the leave between you and your spouse?

He will be working from home which is great, but he has a job where he will have to be sitting on calls/work 9-5 (unlike me, I need to do my work but I don't necessarily have to be tied to my desk all day). Just FYI I realize this is the reality for most people, but wanted to make it clear that I will be the one doing the baby stuff in the day as well as night probably (I feel bad if he's working to have him wake up and help with the baby even though he insists).


Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Oh and just to clarify, what I mean by "now" is when I am in labor/baby is born and "after" for when I return to work.

[Anonymous]

Definitely split it. I had 12 weeks, husband had 12 weeks. We did two weeks together, then I did 10 alone, then he did 10 alone.

In your situation I'd do 2 weeks together then 4 alone.

I also had my mom come for week 3 (the first week DH was back at work) and that was a nice transition, but I think we would have been okay without it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely split it. I had 12 weeks, husband had 12 weeks. We did two weeks together, then I did 10 alone, then he did 10 alone.

In your situation I'd do 2 weeks together then 4 alone.

I also had my mom come for week 3 (the first week DH was back at work) and that was a nice transition, but I think we would have been okay without it.

thanks!

[Anonymous]

My husband wasn't allowed to split his time so he took a week of vacation for the birth week and then took his 6 weeks later. With my second we overlapped in the summer and it was nice to be all at home as a family but this was pre COVID times lol when we had never spent more than few days at home together.

If he is able to split the leave i would do two in the beginning and 4 when you return to work.

[Anonymous]

Agree on 2 weeks now -- when you're tired, sore, and need help -- and the rest when you return to work. Having Dad at home makes returning to work so much easier and it will most likely be the first time he is solely responsible for baby. For my husband, those weeks alone were when he developed a bond with our kid and really learned how to be a dad.

[Anonymous]

Also when dad is home after you return to work, it saves a lot of money. Our daycare was about $1800 a month, so 6 weeks saved a lot. Plus I was calmer returning to work knowing he had the baby.

[Anonymous]

We also had DH split. I had 16 weeks off. DH took the first 3 weeks off to be with us, then took another 3 or 4 hhen I went back to work.

[Anonymous]

DH should take 2-3 weeks at birth and the rest when you go back to work. So much easier to go to work when Baby is with DH and it gives him time to be the main parent. Plus delays daycare to let baby get a bit older and stronger immune system (even without COVID).

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Split! After two weeks I didn’t need my husband completely off with me. Ditto to it saving money and helping bonding. Plus it gives your husband a real taste of what it’s like to stay home with a kid all day. My husband changed his attitude about how hard it was after he had to do it himself.

[Anonymous]

My husband took a week, then my mom came to help out, then I took my leave, then he took two months. I definitely recommend that. It stretches your joint leave, and it means that your husband has plenty of experience taking care of the baby on his own, which is huge for make sure that he develops a sense of competence, and that he doesn't see taking care of the baby as your job.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I both get 12 weeks, and we’re taking it together. We also have an older child with special needs, so it will be nice to have time with both of us off work so that neither of us is trying to work and take care of the older kid while the other is taking care of the baby.

[Anonymous]

100% recommend having him take a stretch of weeks solo. I like the 2/4 week split suggestion -- 2 with you after the baby is born, then 4 more after you return to work.

Also, is he covered by FMLA? Is he able to take more than the 6 weeks (unpaid?)?

[Anonymous]

Husband took a weeks vacation when baby was born and then took parental leave after I went back to work.

[Anonymous]

You asked about how it is solo: to tell you the truth, you may have it easier than he does. When they are that tiny they sleep all day long. They will curl up on your chest and you can binge your favorite shows. This lasts for a couple weeks. But about 3 months when your DH takes over, they are much more awake and like to be entertained. I felt like a cross between a nursery teacher, Broadway start and circus master. Lots of singing, dancing around the room together and looking at high contrast books. I loved our alone time together and used it to take long walks (I have a March baby too) and lots of bench sitting while drinking coffee.