Personal Asset Building for Children

[Anonymous]

There are schools that are undertaking the task of assessing what personal assets a child has ---- this is an assessing of how many adults does an individual child have in his/her life that have an influence, interest, sense of responsibility for their wellbeing.

A number of teaching colleagues and friends got together a bit ago to discuss the merits of such an undertaking. Many, in this regard, knew of my long research on the subject of "aunts" and discused what a wonderful asset special aunts can be.

My old saying of the special aunts --"they may not have given birth but they assuredly do give life," and that the best gift a child could receive is the gift of an aunt, a real aunt, one who takes an abiding interest in the welfare of the child and can, at those times when not even a parent can reach a child in those complex teen years can get through, perceived as the more detached outsider.

It is intriguing to be aware that anthropologists studying many cultures have found that when a family has what they describe as "other woman" involved in their welfare the children of that family flourish in contrast to children in other famiies where there is no "other woman" involved.

We say in our Life Skills Course that the best baby gift is an aunt, the enduring gift.They don't have to be a blood relative, some of the best have no relation really other than that of abiding love.

Remember Auntie Mame sweeping up those stairs with the young Patrick . . .calling out something to the effect, I will show you things you've never dreamed of". . and then there's Graham Greene's delightful Aunt Augusta in Travels With My Aunt where the retired banker encounters for the first time he can recall his aunt who takes him on travels from which he never, fortunately, recovers.

[Anonymous]

These marvelous special women, these wonderful aunts. They are a national treasure, well, international treasure.
I was in Belfast several years ago visiting a former student. As she introduced her family she spoke of her brother Robert . "He is our reader. My aunt, a great book lover, took him under her wing" she said, "He is never without a book."

From there to London to catch a Diana Rigg play. . the marvelous Diana Rigg as Mrs. Venable in Tennessee Williams "Suddenly Last Summer."
said loved the theatre and told me he was the only one in his family who loved the theatre and in fact took part in productions in his home village.
I asked how that came about. . and almost knew the answer ---"I had an aunt. . . "

They are the treasured assets. Make sure every child has one, of the special ones.

[Anonymous]

in the previous post . it was a lawyer from the Midlands whose aunt led him to love the theatre. . . (that sentence got deleted. . .) He was forever grateful to that woman. . .

[Anonymous]

>>It is intriguing to be aware that anthropologists studying many cultures have found that when a family has what they describe as "other woman" involved in their welfare the children of that family flourish in contrast to children in other famiies where there is no "other woman" involved.

Is there any reason the same shouldn't be said about "uncles" or other male role models? (I'm not talking about those "shady" characters, but strong male role models.)
My husband is a very hands-on father, partly due to the fact that we both work, and he rejects the idea that only female care takers can have influence on children.
It is true that often time mothers and aunts are more involved in children's life, but it doesn't mean it should be that way.
In fact, my husband has been very supportive of his niece and nephew, especially during the time his train wreck sister and her train wreck husband got a divorce.
On the contrary, my kids get absolutely no support from their aunt (my husband's train wreck sister), but they are thriving.

Of course, your child is more likely to flourish with support from any role models of EITHER gender.
In fact, sin some cultures, argument could be made that boys are likely to flourish with support from strong male role models rather than females.

I think your argument about aunts absolutely makes sense, but is a little short-sighted.

[Anonymous]

With response to the comments of PP.
There is no intention of implying Uncles are potted palms in the assets of children
dept. Quite the contrary. I have a flyfisherman addict around here who has developed a love for this marvelous sport in well over a dozen boys and gals , giving each an Orvis outfitting.

They call/send pix as to what they caught/where they caught it. on what they caught it (mostly catch and release) They tuck rods onto backs of bikes, in the trunks of their cars so whenever a stretch looks fishy they can jump out and wade in. Come spring they all get antsy and just cannot hold back. It's so much the Thoreau image.

Flyfishing is the fastest sport growing among . It is a contemplative, thoughtful sport ("naturey" as one girl said to her aunt) --as the great Robert Traver once said something to the effect --it is not so much that you catch fish but that you are out in the lovely places fish love.

There is a wonderful letter a flyfisherman found tucked in rocks on the Madison River out west written by a daughter to her father thanking him for all the things he did for her, including teaching her flyfishing. I will try to get that link to it. Talk about a man as a young person's asset --this says it all.

But what a wonderful undertaking for schools --to try to assess how many assets a child has in his her life they can turn to especially when there are such articles as that a year or so back that said teachers in some NYC schools were directed not to use the Mother/Father/Mom/Dad words with their students because so many of the childen would have no experience with such!

[Anonymous]

“Just how important is it for all of us, from novice angler to professional, to pass along our passion
for this sport? While recently fishing on the Madison River below Raynolds Pass Bridge, I noticed
what I thought to be a piece of trash wedged between a rock and a log on the stream bank. Thinking
I would simply stick it in my wader pocket to haul back to the car for disposal, I walked over and
picked it up. To my surprise, it was an envelope addressed only to “Dad”. Hesitantly, I opened it up,
assuming someone had dropped it during the day and maybe I could find out whom it belonged to
and return it to them in the parking lot that evening. As I read, it became painfully obvious that it
was written by a lady whose father must have recently passed away. To say it was touching would
be an understatement and throughout I had feelings that I was invading someone’s privacy. But on
second thought, I am convinced she placed the letter there for her father and for other fishermen in
hopes that it may affect the way the reader considered their own fishing life and those around them.
And after much thought, I decided that it may have been providence that I found her letter and
should share it with all our friends. With full acknowledgment to the unknown author, here are her
thoughts:
‘Dear Dad – I hope you enjoy being out here fly-fishing with me today. This is a trip I know you
would have loved hearing about. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have the interest I do in these kind of
adventure vacations. I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you giving & teaching me so
much.
Thank you for all the really important stuff you taught me including:
How to ride my first bicycle.
How to throw a snowball, dribble a basketball and for enlarging the end of our driveway so you
could build a basketball court for me. Typical for you, the way you installed that metal pole into the
ground probably means it will be there forever!
How to put a worm on a fishing hook without getting grossed out (especially since Kathy wasn’t
very good at it.)
Thank you for instilling a love of the ‘great outdoors’ in me.
Thank you for buying me brand new ski equipment and taking me skiing for the very first time, even
if we did spend most of that day in the emergency room at Nyack Hospital since you broke your ankle
coming down the slope!
Thank you for teaching me the value of a dollar. When I asked you for a pair of fashionable high-top
leather Converse red & white basketball sneakers that cost $50 at the time, you taught me a valuable
lesson when you convinced me to earn money for them myself. And I mowed every lawn in our
neighborhood that weekend in order to buy those sneakers…I still have them.
Thank you for sitting on the sidelines, cheering me on and staying in the bleachers at my softball
and basketball games without embarrassing me!
Thank you for taking just me down to the Palisades cliffs the summer I was 15 to watch the Tall
Ships sail up the Hudson River to celebrate the July 4th Bicentennial. I remember that day like it was
yesterday.
Thank you for choosing me to be your little helper and to “hold the light” for you all those hours we
worked on projects together in the garage and passing on all your handyman skills to me. Women
really do need to know more than just the difference between a flat head and Phillips head
screwdriver!
60
Thank you for not being too upset with me for driving over a median and pulling the muffler off
your blue Dodge on my way home from a New Year’s Eve party on Long Island.
Thank you for supporting my career and relocation choices, even if some of them didn’t seem to
make sense at the time and made you scratch your head in wonder at what the heck I was doing.
Thank you most of all for teaching me to be responsible, happy, self-sufficient, honest, hardworking,
polite and independent. Without you, I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. I hope I made
you proud.
Thank you for being my Dad. I will miss you greatly…I already do.
Love always…your daughter, Terry’”
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