How to know whether it's normal teenage mood swings or something more?

[Anonymous]

On a day to day basis, my DD13 seems great- she some really good friends, does well in school, helps out around the house, is thoughtful, and exercises daily. She gets moody around her period and has had some breakdowns from pandemic-related concerns (missing normal life). But, twice now she's had real breakdowns where she says things like she doesn't have a BEST friend, she hates online school and can't focus, she hates her life, she can't sleep because she's worrying, she's afraid to get bad grades, growing up feels so much harder than being a kid, etc. I think some of the details might be exaggerated, but I have no doubt her feelings are real. One of those times she came to me saying she scared herself because she imagined herself dying. I wonder sometimes if she's trying too hard to be perfect. Should I have her talk with a therapist? I've done it a couple times throughout my life for various reasons, and it's always helped. Wondering if I'm jumping the gun or overlooking other options.

[Anonymous]

I dont know but if it makes you feel better my daughter wouldnt tell me this but she is having a hard time.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s normal (I also have a 13dd), but it can’t hurt to say after her next big emotional burst “you know, if you ever want to talk to a professional, we absolutely can find someone, just say the word”

[Anonymous]

Some of it is normal but talk to her, not us about it.

[Anonymous]

13 year olds are dramatic. All her feelings are intensified because of the pandemic. She's probably fine.

[Anonymous]

It will probably pass, but why take the risk? The mental toll of the pandemic on children cannot be overstated. It’s certainly hitting some more than others. I have tween girls and I’m very vigilant. My older daughter has definitely had some ugly cries while the younger has had some tantrums. Teen suicides can sometimes come out of the blue.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/2020/12/16/teen-athletes-suicide/?arc404=true

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she's fine. My son would suggest that you are trying to fix something that isn't broken.

[Anonymous]

Someone here recommended the book "untangled" and its GREAT.

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=untangled&qid=1608996507&sr=8-1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On a day to day basis, my DD13 seems great- she some really good friends, does well in school, helps out around the house, is thoughtful, and exercises daily. She gets moody around her period and has had some breakdowns from pandemic-related concerns (missing normal life). But, twice now she's had real breakdowns where she says things like she doesn't have a BEST friend, she hates online school and can't focus, she hates her life, she can't sleep because she's worrying, she's afraid to get bad grades, growing up feels so much harder than being a kid, etc. I think some of the details might be exaggerated, but I have no doubt her feelings are real. One of those times she came to me saying she scared herself because she imagined herself dying. I wonder sometimes if she's trying too hard to be perfect. Should I have her talk with a therapist? I've done it a couple times throughout my life for various reasons, and it's always helped. Wondering if I'm jumping the gun or overlooking other options.

She sounds very self aware, which is GOOD. But she cant know everything. Thats the rub of someone being very mature in one way and still a kid in other ways. Its hard.

Id recommend a social worker therapist who is just someone to talk to, not an intense psychotherapy expert or anything. And ask HER if she thinks it would help to have someone to vent to. Everything she is saying is perfectly normal under the conditions. She sounds intelligent and compassionate. Hugs to you. My DD is 13 and Ive seen all this.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it could be normal, but even so it doesn't hurt to bring up the option of talking to someone. I'd just caution you to set expectations when you make the offer. My kid and I had that discussion and I made sure she knew that while it would work out eventually, she'd have to hang in there for a while because it would probably take some time to get an appointment. Sure enough, she was on a wait list for almost 3 months. Therapists (especially ones who take insurance, if that's important to you) are slammed right now.

[Anonymous]

The best way to know if it is typical or if intervention needed is to assess if her life is being interfered with due to these issues or is it business as usual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she's fine. My son would suggest that you are trying to fix something that isn't broken.

+1. I would not rush to a therapist over what you have described OP. This is just life now. She has to learn to deal, hormones snd all