Ivies or die?
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Anonymous
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My kids’ friends are convinced there is no other way to succeed. They believe that it’s imperative to get into an Ivy or other top-ranked school in order to make money. They are so stressed and pressured about this. I am a successful professional and know many other successful professionals. Some of us went to Ivies, others didn’t.
How can I explain to these teens that going to a college that is a good fit where they can thrive is much more important than going to an Ivy? |
Anonymous
| Leave it to their parents. |
Anonymous
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Tell them your friend (on the internet, but whatever) works with a law partner who is head of the real estate department and he went to McGeorge Law School. It was ranked 146 out of 150 last year, for example.
Ivies can give you a bit of a boost, they can get you an interview. But they do not pave the streets with gold. Another partner went to U of San Diego School of Law, another U of Houston, U of Santa Clara (our managing partner also went there), etc. The partner who went to Yale does NOT earn more than those partners. |
Anonymous
| Such misguided priorities. |
Anonymous
Did you really go to McGeorge? So did my DH. |
Anonymous
| I mean, the best way to work down an Ivy League prestige whore is to prestige whore back to them. Show them the Top 10 ranking of colleges on US News. Only half of the colleges in the Top 10 are in the Ivy League. |
Anonymous
| I know quite a few people who went to ivies and select LACs and aren’t doing anything of significance or making money. There have been many hired at my company who have flamed out. They were not entrepreneurial or creative thinkers (revenue generators). I am the chief legal officer at my company and the Ivy League flameouts are always the ones suing us for wrongful termination. I can always count on it. |
Anonymous
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I'm assuming they are from a socio-economic background where it's honestly not going to matter. They will be financially successful because their parents were financially successful. Not across the board, but if they are the sort to freak out over Ivies, they are likely high achievers and they will have money.
It's silly for rich kids with good grades to worry about getting into the "right" school. They're golden. Plus, if they will graduate from college without debt, that's almost more important than where they go because it gives them so much flexibility in pursuing a career in their 20s. Now, if these aren't rich kids, I might discuss the value of minimizing debt as much as you can. Ivies will offer great aid packages, but these days they will still include loans. And a SLAC with a less impressive endowment? Kid's gonna be taking out a lot of loans. There are huge advantages to in-state schools or going to a less competitive school that is willing to pay your way in that situation. But my guess is these are rich kids who attend a super competitive private high school and are freaking out about Ivies because that's what they all do. It's the pressure cooker their parents chose for them, and they have learned the values of that landscape. It's baked in now -- you can't convince someone that that the thing they've been taught to strive for their entire lives isn't really that important. It's no longer an intellectual argument and they will probably need therapy to undo it, whether they get into an Ivy or not. |
Anonymous
I agree that the best way to overcome Ivy envy is to work with some of the people that went to them. Some are great, of course, but some are terrible. |
Anonymous
This shows nothing but a spectacular failure of parenthood. You have the right message in mind, but I'm not sure you'll be able to reach any of those kids. Besides, I'd be wary of butting into people's lives -- despite the level of emotional damage wrought by the parents. |
Anonymous
| Worry about your own kid. |
Anonymous
| Ha well yeah first of all, only worry about your own kid. Second of all, I'm an executive recruiter, and place high level CEOs and other C-Suite folks. I RARELY see a top school, much less an Ivy on their resumes. It's what you DO with your degree not the label you get for attending. |
Anonymous
| OP here. I *AM* worrying about my own kids tyvm. Talking to their friends who are relentlessly focusing on top SLACs and Ivies is making them stressed about their choices. I tell them “You don’t need to go to an Ivy...” and the next second they’re FaceTiming their friend who says, “If you don’t go to an Ivy you’ll never get a good job.” My kids keep coming to me asking how to respond to that and really worried that their friends are right and they’ll never get a good job. So. Thanks to all those who have responded with actual anecdotes and answers to my question. |
Anonymous
| I ran a business recently sold for $80 million. I went to Wichita State, one of my partners went to USNA, and my other partner went to Villanova |
Anonymous
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The book Where You Go Is Not Who'll You Be is a good antidote to this idea. Probably would have a hard time getting a teen to read it but maybe you could watch Bruni's talk about it together
https://youtu.be/xXroyyxhOks |