Too many apps.. help me understand..

[Anonymous]

My 13 year old DD has been spending way too much time on her iPhone lately, so I took it away to install some limitations on what apps she is allowed to use, how long, and when. Right now I have ALL of what is under the category of "social" blocked. I need help understanding what some of these apps are. Understanding that social media at this age is a bad thing, please let me know if you know of anything on this list that is exceptionally bad. Like.. in danger of being trafficked bad.
- Tik Tok
- Snapchat
- Instagram
- Twitter
- Discord
- Messages
- Google Duo
- YOLO
- Bunch Group Video
- FaceTime
- Wattpad

Before I lose my mind on her, I really need some advice. I also don't need a guilt trip right now. Being a single parent in this environment right now is tough enough.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Snapchat is probably the worst, but Dischord had lots of one on one stranger interaction potential too. Tiktok and Twitter have a lot of inappropriate content (you can find porn on Twitter). And Wattpad has some majorly inappropriate literature.

But I don’t think any of these are “you can be trafficked” bad. There is good and bad to everything and none of these things are inherently harmful. I encourage DD to FaceTime so she can get some good interaction with friends.

I think you’re doing great. Most of the world does spend too much time on their phones. Go easy on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Hard no forever on Snapchat.

[Anonymous]

Your worry should t be “can be trafficked,” OP. All these apps allow your kid to talk with friends and strangers, and some of them allow or encourage sharing images. We have gone with the approach of not trying to police the apps (because they come and go in popularity and my kid will always be one step ahead of me) but to prepare my kid for a world in which there are good and bad strangers, people sext and share things they shouldn’t, and where people can tease and bully without consequences. That is the world he lives in. I can’t protect him from it. But I can run through scenarios with him, make sure he knows what sort of deep sh!t he can get into with nudes, help him understand that tone doesn’t translate over text, talk through the stories we read about teens and social media. Is this the right course? Who knows. It feels right for now.

[Anonymous]

I originally thought this post was about too many college applications

[Anonymous]

Our approach is more about educating our kids with what is okay/not okay rather than banning specific apps. Because as PP have pointed out, the potential for trafficking is there with all of them. (Even something seemingly innocuous like Google hangouts.)

The only thing we allow before age 13 is Pinterest.

We talk frequently about not sharing personal info on any platform.

They can't be in a group chat unless they personally know all the members of the group (no my "friend's cousin friend" nonsense.)

Profiles are always private. They. must know all of their followers. They must not follow any fan sites unless we okay it. So for example an official Harry Styles account would be okay but not Harry#1Stylesfans or whatever.

When my now 15yo was getting started with Snapchat I would occasionally do a surprise sit down with her and we would go through all of her messages. She knows I can do these spot checks whenever I want.

FWIW the two kids I know of who are not allowed Snapchat and Instagram have the most active sex lives/drug experimentation happening. Obviously this is correlation not causation but it has been interesting to see that kids will find a way to push limits if they want to do so. The key for us is prioritizing communication with our teens and having lots and lots of discussion about behavior and expectations.

That being said, actually I do not allow TikTok because of privacy concerns. They watch the videos on their internet browsers and YouTube etc but I don't want that app on any of our devices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I originally thought this post was about too many college applications

Lol me too.

[Anonymous]

Recent thread on Snapchat check it out. Kids are also on Omegle where you jump from stranger to stranger. Lots of creepy pedos exposing themselves.

[Anonymous]

You need to have multiple conversations with your daughter. It's not the apple in and of themselves that are dangerous. It's kids believing everything they see or read on an app. Teach your kids critical thinking skills. Teach them to take everything strangers say with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

Hey -- I wonder if this might be helpful: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/social-media

[Anonymous]

I am going to offer another opinion. During this time, it is the only way she can connect with her friends, unless you are letting her see people freely. Think hard before you remove all social media.

do you not trust her? Why would you need to remove FaceTime? Messages? I do let DD 14 have snapchat. I don't like YOLO so don't allow it. But insta? and yes snapchat is how they are communicating. At the very least FaceTime and iMessage.

Did something happen that you are all of a sudden grabbing her phone?

This is a tough time for teens to stay connected. Pulling all of this now could really hurt her

[NoVaMom22205]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to offer another opinion. During this time, it is the only way she can connect with her friends, unless you are letting her see people freely. Think hard before you remove all social media.

do you not trust her? Why would you need to remove FaceTime? Messages? I do let DD 14 have snapchat. I don't like YOLO so don't allow it. But insta? and yes snapchat is how they are communicating. At the very least FaceTime and iMessage.

Did something happen that you are all of a sudden grabbing her phone?

This is a tough time for teens to stay connected. Pulling all of this now could really hurt her

In response to all of a sudden grabbing her phone. It wasn't all of a sudden... and I normally don't look that closely. She is supposed to put it in our charging station in my office at night. She put it there and then when I went in there an hour later it was gone. When I went to ask her about it, she claimed she had no idea. So I stood there and pinged it from my phone and lo and behold! She was hiding it in her pjs. That's when I took it to add screen time limits and decided to take a hard look at everything she has on there.

[Anonymous]

I recently let my 13yo spend a lot more time on her phone. I hate it but like what others have said these are the times we live in. She only uses iMessage, Skype, and she spends a lot of time on Wattpad, I guess I should check more frequently what she is reading. She is not interested in Insta or Twitter or Tiktok, we would not allow Tiktok anyway. Youtube has enough crappy videos as it is. She also has Crunchy Roll which I think is mostly ok.

[Anonymous]

Trafficking is not the only thing to worry about. There is also teen depression and negative thoughts that comes with some of these, particular Insta, and particularly for girls. I’d be much less concerned with the potential for inappropriate literature on Wattpad than the constant life and body comparison that happens with Insta.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently let my 13yo spend a lot more time on her phone. I hate it but like what others have said these are the times we live in. She only uses iMessage, Skype, and she spends a lot of time on Wattpad, I guess I should check more frequently what she is reading. She is not interested in Insta or Twitter or Tiktok, we would not allow Tiktok anyway. Youtube has enough crappy videos as it is. She also has Crunchy Roll which I think is mostly ok.

Definitely check on what she’s reading! I let DD use Wattpad and I regularly looked at what she was reading but then I didn’t for a month and I saw that she was reading fan fic smut. Nothing crazy like some stuff on there but definitely not okay for her age. I dropped the ball there. Oops. I still let her use the app because she has posted some awesome writing on there, I am just checking every day and her time is limited to 30 minutes a day.