give me all the practical tips for managing a baby, 2 year old, and 4 year old

[Anonymous]

I'm less worried about the first few weeks when baby is a blob, more so when she needs a set bedtime, not to be held in a carrier all the time etc.

Also (this is weirdly specific) - how do you do bedtime / stories with this age range over time. I feel like each kid needs books tailored to their stage when they're like 2, 4, and 6....but that adds up to an hour or more of reading books a night. Do you just do that?

[Anonymous]

Watching this! We have a 6 and 22 month old and considering a third but the logistics are daunting.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom of 4 kids that are each about 2 years apart, so I've had kids at those ages twice.

I guess I didn't worry to much about having books "tailored" to stages. The babies would enjoy the same books as the older kids at bedtime, and the older kids would enjoy re-hearing their baby favorites.
By the time my kids were 4 or so they were able to read some on their own, so it was also good to have the big kids read to the little kids sometimes.
And also, we'd read a lot at other times of day, not just bed time--so if there was a certain book that I felt was best for babies (like a board book) I'd just do that one with the baby while the older kids were at school or doing something else.

[Anonymous]

We had similar age range, although it was 4 yo and almost 3yo when DC3 was born.

DS1 and DS2 shared a room and a bedtime (and still do at age 5 and 7). If you can do a combined bedtime, and just let the 2yo get extra sleep at nap time or in the AM, that may help. Don’t stress about the books - let them each choose one or two and don’t worry if that means that 4yo sometimes has to sit through a book that is below her level.

Split up bedtime duty so that any given night one of you has the older two and the other one has the baby. For us, because of breastfeeding, DH was on big kid bedtime duty and I was on baby bedtime duty for most of a year (DC3 is a big napper so she has always gone to bed at the same time as the big kids). Now we mostly alternate nights between the toddler and the big kids and I have gotten plenty of time with the big kids and he has gotten plenty of time with DC3 since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had similar age range, although it was 4 yo and almost 3yo when DC3 was born.

DS1 and DS2 shared a room and a bedtime (and still do at age 5 and 7). If you can do a combined bedtime, and just let the 2yo get extra sleep at nap time or in the AM, that may help. Don’t stress about the books - let them each choose one or two and don’t worry if that means that 4yo sometimes has to sit through a book that is below her level.

Split up bedtime duty so that any given night one of you has the older two and the other one has the baby. For us, because of breastfeeding, DH was on big kid bedtime duty and I was on baby bedtime duty for most of a year (DC3 is a big napper so she has always gone to bed at the same time as the big kids). Now we mostly alternate nights between the toddler and the big kids and I have gotten plenty of time with the big kids and he has gotten plenty of time with DC3 since.

I'm the second PP and this would be our age setup (if we are able to have a third). What's been the most challenging part if you don't mind me asking?

[Anonymous]

You do it all at once/kids get no individual time or both parents do it.

[Anonymous]

Hire help

[Anonymous]

This is going to sound like a weird piece of advice (and I only have one right now, so I can't even give personal experience) but we're planning on a bigger family (3-4 kids) and I've found a LOT of blogs with tips for large families. Warning: a lot of what you'll find is very conservative, religious types. But tons of helpful, practical tips, and the fact that they hate gay people doesn't ACTUALLY impact their logistical advice. I think that would get you a lot more helpful info than DCUM, which tends to veer quickly to "well it's not possible to care for 4 kids well" or "well, you just have to do it, being a mother is tough!!" which is... not my attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound like a weird piece of advice (and I only have one right now, so I can't even give personal experience) but we're planning on a bigger family (3-4 kids) and I've found a LOT of blogs with tips for large families. Warning: a lot of what you'll find is very conservative, religious types. But tons of helpful, practical tips, and the fact that they hate gay people doesn't ACTUALLY impact their logistical advice. I think that would get you a lot more helpful info than DCUM, which tends to veer quickly to "well it's not possible to care for 4 kids well" or "well, you just have to do it, being a mother is tough!!" which is... not my attitude.

Haha, I'm this poster and the two posts right above mine REALLY proved my point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hire help

If you have unlimited resources, what is the full list of help you'd get? (just curious....i don't have unlimited resources, but do have some options for throwing some money at it to try to make this phase as enjoyable and fun as possible. i love love love the toddler stage and don't want it to just turn into a blur under a pile of exhaustion and chores)

[Anonymous]

It's different for every family....you just have to do what works for you guys and don't let anybody guilt trip you into changing your routine. I can't even tell you how much parenting "advice" we got from well-meaning friends/family who thought we were clueless...the bedtime we set was too early/late, mealtimes were too early/late, schedule was too rigid/loose, kids were too hyper/shy, they didn't need to be in daycare all week, they shouldn't get to refuse certain foods....it was never ending. But we started tuning everyone out and doing whatever worked best for us...and what worked best sometimes changed from week to week...and that was ok. We really had to adapt an attitude of flexibility to help us get through those early years, but we did just that and a decade later, we're all still standing...lol. Regarding the books, can you have one of the kids choose a book each night? When our kids were that age, they didn't really care what we read, they just enjoyed being read to. Good luck with everything!

[Anonymous]

Right now I'd say you handle baby bedtime, if you're breastfeeding. Your partner can do bed/books for the two older ones. They are close enough in age that they can hear the same books.

[Anonymous]

I read books to the oldest two and it was fine - some were too easy for the oldest and some too hard for the middle, but that’s life. I let the older two watch a show while I nursed baby to sleep and then we read and lights out. Not best practices but the honest answer for solo bedtime.

My middle child learned to read a little late but crazy fast and his comprehension is mind boggling so it seemed to really help him.

[Anonymous]

OP here - on the book routine in particular i'm loathe to combine them always because its currently kind of a magical time with my oldest who is usually a tornado of activity but during evening books / cuddles, he calms down and has very thoughtful conversations that wouldn't be possible with a little sib competing for attention. I guess I can always rotate who gets individual time vs budded up when they get older.

[Anonymous]

Right now it's hard to imagine, but you can actually feed a baby while reading to two other kids. Things are not going to be perfect, but you will get through it and the kids will be fine if you keep your temper and give them your attention. The baby doesn't actually need your focused attention for many months, but once the baby "wakes up" she/he will really enjoy just sitting there watching the older kids. Best advice is take good care of yourself and build in a break, even if that means two younger kids watch Elmo (younger in pack and play) while you and baby nap. Be kind to yourself and you will get through it! And maybe get a babysitter a few mornings a week if you can afford it. Or send the other two to pre-school. (Covid-willing.)

- Tired mother of four