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How long do I let DH mope about being unemployed?
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Anonymous
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DH lost his job in November, and now he spends his days applying to jobs online. He refuses to network and call people because "they're not hiring." I am going crazy! I am still working FT, taking the baby to and from daycare, and doing a lot of the work around the house. How long do I have to let him sulk? He's still getting severance for another few months so we haven't felt the pinch yet.
(This is mostly a vent, but if you have helpful tips on how to motivate your husband when he's already defensive about getting laid off, I'd love to hear it.) |
Anonymous
| No useful advice, but lots of hugs. I wish I new how to "motivate" dh without becoming a nag. |
Anonymous
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Is he depressed?
Personally, I would tell him he needs to start doing the daycare run, dropoff and pickup. At this point if he's not actively interviewing on a regular basis, he needs to start adapting to being a Stay-At-Home-Dad and all this entails. Running errands, cleaning the house, planning meals, etc. I'm saying this from the point of view of a woman who was recently laid-off and is looking but is also resuming the role of SAHM. We did cancel childcare, could not afford to keep it. Let's face it, when the severance runs out you will no longer be able to afford childcare, nor should you. It's time for a serious discussion on where he's going with all of this. |
Anonymous
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11:15 again.
If he is depressed he should seek help. The longer he wallows at this point the harder it is going to be to get out of his trench. |
Anonymous
| I've worked in outplacement. He gets one week of moping/absorbing/adjusting, then he needs to get his butt in gear. Looks like that time is long past. Unfortunately, running out of severance is the only thing that lights a fire for some people. |
Anonymous
| I agree that he has had plenty of time to mope. I have no advice on how to motivate him to look for another job but at the very least he should be taking care of some of the childcare and household duties. You should not be taking care of daycare drop off and pick-up. Also, unless he has a plan in place to get back to work, you should not be paying for daycare at all. This is money that you could be saving for when the severance payments stop. |
Anonymous
I'm the SAHM who posted earlier and I agree about paying for childcare. If he's not actively interviewing on a regular basis (and I mean daily) you should stop childcare. You can look for a babysitter who can cover childcare when he does have an interview. Honestly, this might snap him out of his moping faster than anything. He's going to either discover he loves being a SAHD or realize he's got to get a move on... |
Anonymous
| My dh was laid off the end of December. I gave him all of January and now I'm starting to feel irked, especially because he still keeps complaining about headaches and not feeling well, which he always said were because he was so stressed from work! I don't have any great advice for you, though. He is going to classes at the career placement center, so I feel like he's making some effort. And he's starting doing some work around the house, so I'm happy about that. Not getting a sense that a job is imminent though . . . |
Anonymous
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While it is tempting to cut all child care, I would do that with caution. It can be hard to find a place again at the last minute if he does get a job. It's also REALLY hard to job hunt, interview, phone screens, etc. with a child in the house.
If possible, see if you can cut back to 2 or 3 days a week. Or instead of 7-6, from 9-4 or 9-1, etc. We went through this a year ago. DH was laid off and I was a SAHM at the time. We both started job hunting and actually increased my DD from preschool 3 days a week to 5 days a week to give me more coverage and availability for job hunting. But I agree that if he is moping around doing nothing, the time for that is LONG past. Unfortunately, I think this pretty common avoidance behvaior. 
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Anonymous
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It's not that easy to find instant childcare for two kids of different ages that is convenient, which is why a lot of people in this situation would try to keep the child care situation if at all possible. Plus, kids start to get very attached to the routine, providers/teachers, friends, the place in general. It's not as simple as just plunking them down at a new center. When I think of the time and care daycare spent transitioning to my child from the infant room to the toddler room - good god, not complaining because they know their stuff but I thought they were going a bit overboard!
But I do agree he should be doing drop off and pick up unless you are a one car family. That would drive me crazy. So sorry OP, I know it must be frustrating, for you and your DH. |