Positive post-D&C/MMC stories?

[Anonymous]

Hi - very sad after missed MC / D&C within the last two weeks. Can any of you share stories? How long to get pg again, when cycles returned, when you stopped feeling insane? Any comfort would be very much welcomed.

[Anonymous]

Hi - so sorry you're going through this. It does get better. It just takes time. I had a missed M/C last January. Went in for ultrasound at 10 wks and there was no heartbeat, and baby stopped growing at around 8 weeks. I had no symptoms - no bleeding, no clue that anything was wrong. I didn't want to wait around for the bleeding to start, so I went ahead with the D&C and was very glad I did. Period came back around 6 weeks later, regular as ever. Waited 3 cycles and starting trying again. Got pregnant on the second try.

I was sad too, but my husband and my doctors were very supportive and my 4 year old son was my best therapy. It helped to talk about it with women who had gone through something similar - I was surprised at how many women had stories! This is much more common than people think. It's just that nobody really talks about it. It also helped to know that this was nothing that I could control. I didn't do anything to cause it. There simply was something wrong and nature took its course. My mother in law said it best - say you plant 100 seeds in your garden. Not all of those seeds will grow into a plant. It's just nature - the luck of the draw. The chances are excellent that next time you'll have a happy ending. Focus on the future - there's so much to look forward to. Big hugs to you!

[Anonymous]

I too have been there and understand your sadness.
For us, I had a D&C and my period returned ~4 weeks later. My 1st cycle was normal length and we tried and conceived during the next cycle. I know many friends who conceived shortly after miscarrying - but do what is right for you. If you need time to grieve, take it. If you need to talk to someone professionally, there are good resources out there. An example of a place to grieve would be that my church is having a day of reflection next week for parents who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death - but there are other resources as well.

Hugs to you

[Anonymous]

I had a MMC at 12 weeks last May (baby had stopped growing at about 8 wks). My periods returned to normal quite quickly and while we were not gung ho actively trying, we got pregnant again in October. I am now 18 weeks along. My husband also has few swimmers so we are feeling quite confused by the whole two spontaneous pregnancies within less than a year! (We had fertility help with our previous pregnancies).

It is tough to get through but you will and to be honest, at this point in my "mommy life", I think I know more moms that have had a m/c of some sort than those that have not. I know you well know all the stats of how common they are and it does not help some days but try to stay confident. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I too have been there and understand your sadness.
For us, I had a D&C and my period returned ~4 weeks later. My 1st cycle was normal length and we tried and conceived during the next cycle. I know many friends who conceived shortly after miscarrying - but do what is right for you. If you need time to grieve, take it. If you need to talk to someone professionally, there are good resources out there. An example of a place to grieve would be that my church is having a day of reflection next week for parents who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death - but there are other resources as well.

Hugs to you

This was our experience as well, so I got pregnant again 6 weeks post D&C. And I second all the PPs recommendations for looking for support. I think there are no physical reasons to need to wait on TTC, but the emotional / mental reasons are crucial, and I think everyone is different in what they need there.

And I am so sorry you are going through this, and wish you a speedy recovery, and a short period of TTC whenever you are ready to try again.

[Anonymous]

OP here - you are all so wonderful, this is exactly what I was hoping for, especially since this pregnancy was my first. I feel terrible also because my husband, mom and in-laws (the only people we'd told though I've since told some friends) were so devastated.

13:31 - could you send some info on the day of reflection?

[Anonymous]

13:20 poster here - I know exactly what you mean about feeling terrible because your family was devastated at the bad news. I was the same way. Upsetting my family was almost harder for me than the m/c itself. Everyone was so disappointed. But I realized (and my doctor strongly emphasized) that it was not my job to worry about how the rest of the family feels. It was their job to be supportive of me (and they truly were)! All I needed to concern myself with was recovering and getting my strength and confidence back. So take all the time you need to grieve and recover, be good to yourself and know that your family and friends are in your corner!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - you are all so wonderful, this is exactly what I was hoping for, especially since this pregnancy was my first. I feel terrible also because my husband, mom and in-laws (the only people we'd told though I've since told some friends) were so devastated.

13:31 - could you send some info on the day of reflection?

Here is the link:
http://www.trinity.org/node/449

You do not need to be a member of the Church to attend - but they are requesting that you register.

I wanted to add that the news of the miscarriage was harder on my husband than it was on me. I think part of it was I realized what was happening to my body and was a bit more fluent on the language that the drs / technicians were using than my husband was. My husband was so sad and needed a few days to deal with the news. Please remember to give your husband a hug as well and have him reach out to whatever support groups he might need.

[Anonymous]

I just wanted to share that I've gone through the same thing in the last week as well. It's very hard, especially because I'm older and it took us a really long time to get pregnant. I just hope that we will be lucky enough to get pregnant again at some point and hopefully it will be OK next time. I agree with the PPs that this does seem to be more common than people realize and it's nice to find positive threads like this one about it.

Good luck OP -- I hope the next one sticks (for both of us)!

[Anonymous]

When I MC I scoured the internet for information - it was my grieving process. I wish I had bookmarked the site - but one piece of information I found was that the chances of conceiving in the few cycles immediately after the miscarriage were higher than average. I am not talking a step chance, but a slight increase. This was encouraging to me and gave me a lot of hope. For us, it was true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi - very sad after missed MC / D&C within the last two weeks. Can any of you share stories? How long to get pg again, when cycles returned, when you stopped feeling insane? Any comfort would be very much welcomed.

Very sorry you had to go through this. I had a m/c and D & C in June, and got pregnant (with help) again by October. Now, TWINS are on the way!

But, the time in between was very hard for me. It took us a year to get pregnant, and I could't believe what was happening. I was very depressed. But, survived, and all is going well now.

I hope the same will be true with you!

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I had a mmc last year. The pregnancy wasn't planned so I went from the shock of an unexpected pregnancy to the shock of losing it.

For me, the hardest part was that I felt my body betrayed me. I had no symptoms whatsoever. No bleeding, cramping, etc. I didn't know anything was wrong until we went in for the first ultrasound and the baby had not grown appropriately.

My periods came back and were regular right away. We didn't start trying until about 6 months later becuase I had to have minor surgery. Got prgnant on the first try and I'm due in a few weeks!

I won't lie, I was a nervous wreck the whole first trimester of this pregnancy. I woudn't allow myself to get to excited, couldn't refer to "the baby", didn't want to talk about it or anything until at least 12 weeks.

I felt the weight of the disapointment from my family as well, which was hard. All I can say is to try not to focus on that. No one is disapointed in YOU, they are just sad themselves. Also, my DH wasn't very supportive, but I don't think he really knew how to be supportive. I was mad at him for that, but I really just wanted to have something to blame on someone. Go easy on people if they dont know exactly how to act...it's hard for people to know what to do to be there for you.

Hang in there. It will all work out for you soon enough.

[Anonymous]

Hi there -
I don't mean to put a damper on your hopes, but I do want to offer a slightly different experience. I to had a mmc and D&C - back in July. We started trying in August, and still haven't conceived. I do have a 3 yo DC, and so I feel confident that it can happen. But at the same time, when I was in your shoes, I started pinning all my hopes on conceiving w/i all the first few cycles b/c those are the only stories I ever saw. So I was feeling crushed when I still hadn't conceived by December. I know February won't happen, so at best, we're looking at March. I hope it doesn't take that long for you, but for some of us, the first 1-3 cycles aren't guarantees of conception. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

i miscarried august 2008. it was a missed m/c also, and i am pregnant now w/ twins. it has taken me until now to get over the m/c, and i am not completely over it b/c i still worry i will m/c even though i am 20 weeks pregnant. but being pregnant brings many other worries and concerns (and happiness and excitement too) that take precedent i guess.
i go to therapy which helps, and helped during the m/c. i was completely devastated when it happened. i kept blaming myself, and hated disappointing my husband and family (which that was all in my mind b/c nobody was disappointed in me). anyway, i just took it really hard. it takes time...but soon you will have joy and hopefully you will get pregnant again! try try try to think positive. good luck!

[Anonymous]

My first pregnancy ended in missed miscarriage and D&C. I was sad, but somehow got relatively quickly over it, especially that the OBG told me that this happens and it is normal and I do not need to worry (and they would usually start looking for causes after 3 miscarriages - so i took to mean that I should start worrying about conceiving after a third miscarriage, and I still had two to go). A colleague of mine also told me that she had two miscarriages one after another, after she went to have 3 kids - and similar stories put me more at ease. At the same time, this experience gave me a bit of jolt that not everything may go smoothly (as I imagined it would) and that we may need time to have a baby. My cycle returned to normal exactly in a month, but DH and I decided to give it a break and we started trying again 6 months later. I got pregnant exactly a year later, and was also very worried (especially that i was spotting between weeks 6-12 and thought that I would lose the baby) but all went well. Now, waiting till we start trying for no. 2 and hope it would go well as well.