Is my SIL out of line?
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Anonymous
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My DH and his brother and SIL are all from the same european country but we all live in the US, albeit in different states (not close). BIL and SIL usually like to go to their home country for Christmas. This year we are not making an extended/far trip for Christmas and we also have a newborn (first baby in the family). So we invited BIL and SIL for Christmas 2 weeks ago since they cannot travel to Europe due to covid as well as SIL’s pending green card. They said yes. When we asked again yesterday about nailing down specifics they said they actually cannot commit yet because SIL really wants to go back to Europe and so wants to wait until the end of next week to see if she gets her green card (very unlikely) before committing because apparently then she can travel (although I am confused - aren’t there also still covid restrictions?).
Anyway, I told them we cannot wait until next week because if they don’t come I plan to travel to see a close friend about 2 hours away and want to get that plan rolling. I was simple and polite about it but I am extremely offended that we are expected to keep our holiday plans on hold after we extended (and they accepted) and invitation because we are 2nd choice. Am I overreacting? |
Anonymous
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A little. It's rude to accept an invitation and then renege, but it's possible that they took it as "since you can't go to Europe," and they are hoping that they can, so they might not have understood themselves to be committing. So I'd be irritated about the miscommunication, but not "extremely offended." And it sounds like you aren't keeping your holiday plans on hold, so why do you think they expect you to? They almost certainly didn't know about your backup plans.
There may not be restrictions for a citizen of the country returning to that country, and, in any case, COVID restrictions vary by country. |
Anonymous
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It's difficult to answer this question, because frankly, your travel and gathering plans seem extremely careless given COVID and the fact that you have a newborn.
As for keeping your holiday plans open, you don't have to do that, you just need to be direct. "SIL and BIL, I need to know by Sunday at noon if you plan to see us for Christmas, Otherwise I am going to make plans to see my college roommate in her hometown. Hope you can make it, but understand if you can't." Their "I don't know yet" is a "no." But you shouldn't see any of them, IMO. Seriously Reconsider. |
Anonymous
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I think you're overreacting. The end of next week is still 2 weeks before Christmas. Plenty of time to plan a 2 hour trip. As for being second choice - you knew that their first choice has been and continues to be to travel to Eurpoe over Christmas. You assumed they wouldn't do that, but it's understandable that they want to.
I don't think you should be miffed at all, but you definitely shouldn't be "extremely offended." |
Anonymous
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None of you should be getting together or traveling.
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Anonymous
| Overreacting. How much planning do you need for a 2 hour drive? |
Anonymous
This. Though I can understand seeing family a bit more than random friend who lives two hours away. Especially with a little baby. Just stay home and have a nice Christmas by yourselves. |
Anonymous
| They are not being rude. They’re trying to get their plans together the same way you are. If you are so bothered by it then make your plans and maybe you’ll see them sometime after Christmas. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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1. As a European trying to get a green card, the entire process is hell so please don’t be offended by her fixation on that green card date!!! 2. HOWEVER. None of you should be traveling right now, near or far. How on earth can you still be thinking about it, when scientists, doctors and public health experts have all said not to? We are in the nightmare scenario that we never thought would happen. Hospitals are full of the Halloween surge, we don’t have room for the Thanksgiving patients who will arrive in the coming weeks, let alone the Christmas lot. Mortality and adverse outcomes increase when there aren’t enough beds, doctors and nurses, for all patients, not just Covid ones. Please DO NOT TRAVEL OR GATHER. I haven’t seen my parents in Europe since 2018. Not planning on seeing them until we’re all vaccinated. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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Your baby hormones are poisoning you.
None of you should be going anywhere, including seeing each other! |
Anonymous
| SIL is not out of line. How was she supposed to know about your alternate plans? At this point, you need to give the BIL and SIL a deadline. |
Anonymous
| Oops, I hit the send send too soon. Your in laws need a deadline to tell you what their plans are. |
Anonymous
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Good lord yes, you're overreacting. ALso, who cares that your baby is the first in the family? In what way is that relevant AT ALL?
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