Feel so cut off from everyone

[Anonymous]

My kids ages 12 and 14 do not want to socialize with friends. We have tried to get them to contact them via phone, text, etc. but it’s been like pulling teeth. We have seen a couple families outdoors, but these are new acquaintances in the last year. And understandably my shy girls have stayed mostly quiet around them since they don’t know them. No one we know prior to the pandemic has reached out and they aren’t very responsive when I reach out. I’ve realized that our “friends” were not really that and although we’ve lived in the DMV for over 7 years, we do not have close friends here. It’s very isolating, and I’ve always been an introvert. We do have friends and family in our home state and have kept in touch this past year over zoom, but it’s not the same. I’m constantly seeing neighbors having people and birthday parties in their backyards and get sad knowing my kids are missing out. My 14 year old doesn’t have friends in the neighborhood and my 12 year old refuses to see her friends. I never realized how much social interaction parents got through school, which is completely virtual. Currently trying to find a therapist. Anyone in a similar boat?

[Anonymous]

Get a dog. Then your girls will have to walk the dog, and people will naturally talk to them, plus your shy girls will be able to talk about the dog. Get a dog. You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

We're all in a similar boat. This is miserable.

[Anonymous]

Yep same boat here OP. I’m this OP:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/930327.page

My 9 year old has had a decent amount of outdoor socializing. But my 12 year old has struggled similar to yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a dog. Then your girls will have to walk the dog, and people will naturally talk to them, plus your shy girls will be able to talk about the dog. Get a dog. You're welcome.

With all due respect, OP's daughters don't need to talk to strangers (although there's nothing wrong with it), they need to maintain their friendships and it is so hard with school closed! No dog in the world will make up for that.
My now 6th grader used to walk to the bus stop with her friend, hang out with multiple friends during the day, come back on the same bus and then go to sports practice/dance class. Now none of these activities are happening!
I hear you, OP! This situation stinks beyond believe and I think we just need to ride it out through the winter. Hopefully, things will brighten up in the spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids ages 12 and 14 do not want to socialize with friends. We have tried to get them to contact them via phone, text, etc. but it’s been like pulling teeth. We have seen a couple families outdoors, but these are new acquaintances in the last year. And understandably my shy girls have stayed mostly quiet around them since they don’t know them. No one we know prior to the pandemic has reached out and they aren’t very responsive when I reach out. I’ve realized that our “friends” were not really that and although we’ve lived in the DMV for over 7 years, we do not have close friends here. It’s very isolating, and I’ve always been an introvert. We do have friends and family in our home state and have kept in touch this past year over zoom, but it’s not the same. I’m constantly seeing neighbors having people and birthday parties in their backyards and get sad knowing my kids are missing out. My 14 year old doesn’t have friends in the neighborhood and my 12 year old refuses to see her friends. I never realized how much social interaction parents got through school, which is completely virtual. Currently trying to find a therapist. Anyone in a similar boat?

Similar boat. I think this pandemic has shown me how limited our friendships really are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a dog. Then your girls will have to walk the dog, and people will naturally talk to them, plus your shy girls will be able to talk about the dog. Get a dog. You're welcome.

With all due respect, OP's daughters don't need to talk to strangers (although there's nothing wrong with it), they need to maintain their friendships and it is so hard with school closed! No dog in the world will make up for that. My now 6th grader used to walk to the bus stop with her friend, hang out with multiple friends during the day, come back on the same bus and then go to sports practice/dance class. Now none of these activities are happening!
I hear you, OP! This situation stinks beyond believe and I think we just need to ride it out through the winter. Hopefully, things will brighten up in the spring.

OPs kids can make new friends. And these aren't full on strangers - if they're walking their dog, they are meeting neighbors.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. It’s nice to know there are others going through a similar situation. I am trying to stay optimistic and hope they will be back in school soon. Hopefully they will not have to start over with new friends, but I guess we’ll see. They are both in new school online (6th and 9th grade) so that may have happened in normal life anyway.
As for a dog, thanks for the suggestion but that is not something we want to do. If our kids wanted one we would get one but they definitely don’t.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry op. I’ve felt somewhat similarly although my kids are early elementary and still go to the playground... where they inevitably socialize with others (masked)

[Anonymous]

We have been in the DMV for approximately the same time. We moved to our new house two years ago. We were just getting to know some families but not super close. My boys are 9 and 11. They played tennis and soccer but with a few acquaintances only.

I have a handful of friends that I have seen a few times outside. I still feel feel lonely. I say this and I just met two friends last week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're all in a similar boat. This is miserable.

It is only miserable because you allow it to miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're all in a similar boat. This is miserable.

It is only miserable because you allow it to miserable.

Just stop. This is really difficult and friendships cannot be forced.

[Anonymous]

How have you reached out?

This is probably the worst time since it is cold to hang out outside and holidays plus the obvious surge of covid cases.

Your window of opportunity was the summer/fall. I met up with a few friends for outdoor dining. I had coffee in my friend’s backyard. I invited my friend over with her girls to hang out in our backyard. Your kids may be too old but we went to a farm together with some friends.

I have some friends who are not socializing at all. Others who are cautious but willing under safe circumstances.

[Anonymous]

My kids are perfectly happy not socializing.

Why would I force them?

[Anonymous]

Same. We're in a nanny share with a 2 and a 6 month old now and our 2 year old DS. My 5 year old cried the other night that she has no friends and they're all babies. It was actually something dh and I had been worried about. DD was so social before.

None of our friends will do playdates since we're not entirely social distancing. DH works, I telework and our kids are at a nanny share. I don't blame them, but still it's just hard.