Question to parents with younger kids who play a lot

[Anonymous]

Wondering if parents who have younger kids that are doing well at soccer ask them to tone it down a bit when playing against friends who are not playing so much?

Our 7-year-old had his school friend over for an outdoor play date and they ended up playing soccer. Not sure if I should have intervened or said something to our kid. Seems strange to do that when I am usually telling him to try his best.

Grateful for any advice, thanks.

[Anonymous]

So your child scored goal after goal on his friend? I think that’s ok if the friend was having fun but if the friend looked bummed it would be a fine idea to low key change the direction of the play date. And of course if your child was being a bad winner, bragging that’s worth a conversation.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you can ask a 7 year old to play more poorly than he otherwise would, but I think it’s reasonable for parents of talented kids to consider other kids’ feelings. I have said something like “it’s not as fun for Johnny to play when he keeps losing” or “when he keeps getting reminded that you have had more practice.” I encourage my kids to be complimentary and offer to teach and willing to play different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your child scored goal after goal on his friend? I think that’s ok if the friend was having fun but if the friend looked bummed it would be a fine idea to low key change the direction of the play date. And of course if your child was being a bad winner, bragging that’s worth a conversation.

Thanks for the response.

Yeah, he was just treating it as if he was playing one-on-one against one of his team mates, being quite physical and counting the score despite it being ridiculous.

But he wasn’t being a bad winner, I would not tolerate that, and the other kid kept coming back for more so presumably was enjoying himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you can ask a 7 year old to play more poorly than he otherwise would, but I think it’s reasonable for parents of talented kids to consider other kids’ feelings. I have said something like “it’s not as fun for Johnny to play when he keeps losing” or “when he keeps getting reminded that you have had more practice.” I encourage my kids to be complimentary and offer to teach and willing to play different things.

Thank-you, this is very helpful.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you parent your kid and teach them to be nice people. But, with covid you should no the having kids over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you parent your kid and teach them to be nice people. But, with covid you should no the having kids over.

Thanks, my kids are quite nice people actually.

But do you think he should have let the other kid win some of the time?

As for COVID, they sit next to each other in school every day, including when eating lunch, so an outdoor play date while wearing masks does not increase the risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you parent your kid and teach them to be nice people. But, with covid you should no the having kids over.

Thanks, my kids are quite nice people actually.

But do you think he should have let the other kid win some of the time?

As for COVID, they sit next to each other in school every day, including when eating lunch, so an outdoor play date while wearing masks does not increase the risk.

Diplomatic, other than not thanking the supercilious poster who feels compelled to lecture other adults without knowing absolutely anything about the context or their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you parent your kid and teach them to be nice people. But, with covid you should no the having kids over.

Right. Wear a mask. Socially distance. Wash your hands. Lots of people die. More every day. This is basically the same story every day and the genius that people have offered for months. Congratulations. You have read the newspaper at least once in the last eight months. This is precisely why people have tuned this out. Mind your own f’n business.

[Anonymous]

My ds has done this at play dates with 3 friends. 2 who play soccer well and one who does not. I whispered to him to change the game and play something else. He plays soccer 3-4 times a week, it doesn't hurt to skateboard for awhile.

Its not a fun feeling at that age to keep losing to a friend, even of you keep coming for more. They end up crying later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if parents who have younger kids that are doing well at soccer ask them to tone it down a bit when playing against friends who are not playing so much?

Our 7-year-old had his school friend over for an outdoor play date and they ended up playing soccer. Not sure if I should have intervened or said something to our kid. Seems strange to do that when I am usually telling him to try his best.

Grateful for any advice, thanks.

Yes. Usually before the play date starts. I would remind my kid to remember that her friend hasn’t been playing or just started to play so he mindful about it so everyone can have fun. It doesn’t feel good to loose all the times and she generally tries to let her friend win some.

[Anonymous]

No - just let your kid play the way he/she likes to play. If it turns out that the skill level is so unbalanced that it's not fun, they will find something else to do. My 8 year old runs circles around most of the casual soccer playing kids in his class and neighborhood ... so they usually end up playing something else. He plays soccer with his older brother and older kids in the neighborhood when he wants a challenge outside of practice/games.

I think it's best to let kids sort these things out themselves for the most part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wondering if parents who have younger kids that are doing well at soccer ask them to tone it down a bit when playing against friends who are not playing so much?

Our 7-year-old had his school friend over for an outdoor play date and they ended up playing soccer. Not sure if I should have intervened or said something to our kid. Seems strange to do that when I am usually telling him to try his best.

Grateful for any advice, thanks.

I think they figure this out as they get older but it's worth reminding him that games are not fun unless they are somewhat even. I have three boys and it's taken a while (and some coaching on parents' part) but they have learned to quietly "go easy" on others to make it competitive. They are so great now with their cousins, for example, and know how to tone it down without making it obvious that they aren't trying as hard as they could. I think this kind of thing is about learning to be a good host and a good peer and it's worth encouraging your child to learn how to differentiate between the neighborhood game vs competitive games.