Nanny takes kids into stores/coffee shop

[Anonymous]

We have our former nanny helping with childcare for our pod of two preschool kids. We wrote out our covid precautions before we started, but I feel like she pushes the envelope a bit—e.g. we have said playgrounds are fine as long as kids wear masks. She will send photos of the kids having a picnic with her nanny friends and their pods. When I asked her about this, she said, “the kids always wear masks at the playground, but we eat with friends who are ‘safe’. I reiterated that, if she meets up with friends, the kids must be masked and if they are eating, they must be far apart.

My kid just told me that they go into stores to buy water, snacks, etc. Not a huge deal since the kids are masked, but that was against the rules too.

We love this woman—she’s known our kid since birth. She’s very sensitive to criticism. How do I address this?

[Anonymous]

You need to let it go and trust she is taking sensible precautions or let her go and get someone new or take care of your own kid. They wore masks at playground and just took them off to eat? Still outside? This would be ok with me. I also never buy water because I take a water bottle everywhere but if she or your kids are thirsty or hungry and she takes them into a store with masks on, and sanitizes hands after, I think she is taking sensible precautions. You sound too rigid, which if that works for you, fine. But you can’t put that on someone else.

[Anonymous]

She will continue doing what she's comfortable with and stop sending you pictures. You can try to have a reset conversation, but ultimately is this a deal breaker for you? If yes, then start figuring out your new childcare plan and if no then start accepting that this is her comfort level and what she's going to do.

Your nanny is not likely to change. She knew the precautions that you outlined up front and when you mentioned that they weren't being followed instead of saying "I get it and it won't happen again" she tried to tell you why what she was doing was fine. She's not operating on the same risk scale as you - so aside from what happens when she's with your kids, you now know that on her personal time she's also doing things that are outside of your comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

This means you have no bubble whatsoever. Covid could blow through this nanny group any time.

[Anonymous]

If the no going into stores was only written out and never discussed I’d mention it. You can say, “covid is on the rise in our county now so we’ve decided to take some extra precautions starting today/tomorrow/next week. please don’t take the kids into any stores at all - if they need something let me know and I’ll order it for delivery the next day.” If you are crystal clear then she must comply or be fired immediately.

[Anonymous]

Even if you get her to change her behavior with the kids, you know that her level of covid precautions are less than yours, which means she takes risks in her private life that you wouldn't. Are you ok with that level of exposure?

[Anonymous]

I would tell her she can't get together with other nannies and kids while she is with your kids and she should pack a bag with snacks before leaving the house because the kids are not to go into any stores or cafes while out of the house.

This would be unacceptable to me.

[Anonymous]

I think with your past relationship with her you need to be ok with these things happening from time to time or find a different nanny, unfortunately. We all have different risk levels and unless you only have the kids stay at home there will likely be things happening you aren't completely ok with.

[Anonymous]

You know it’s time to let her go. She is walking all over you and your family. She is pushing the limits and probably laughing at you behind your back. Are your children verbal? Can they tell you what else she is doing that she isn’t telling you. If she is openly showing you she is breaking your rules, what is she not showing you? Cut her loose now.

[Anonymous]

I hope you just addressed it with her. Open conversation during this time is so important. It keeps us all safe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if you get her to change her behavior with the kids, you know that her level of covid precautions are less than yours, which means she takes risks in her private life that you wouldn't. Are you ok with that level of exposure?

This. I mean, who cares if she takes your kids to stores—with her attitude, I’d guess they are much more likely to get Covid from your nanny (unmasked in your home) than being in a store with a mask for 2 minutes. Your nanny does not sound like she is taking nearly as many precautions in her personal life. That’s where your risk is.