How much do you tell DH?

[Anonymous]

I just had a sono and learned that I am about a week away from ovulating. This jives with my own data, so it's just nice to know.

I have noticed recently though that the more info I give DH about when I am ovulating, the poorer his, ahem, performance is. If he knows it is "go time," he is unable to make a go of it.

It is frustrating b/c I feel like I should be able to share this info with him, and I want to, but I'm wondering if I should just keep my lips sealed. Inevitably, when I have in the past, he always asks me afterward if we had good timing, and inevitably, I say no, because, well, we didn't.

It is also obvious when I "come on" to him. And quite honestly, I come by that honestly at that time of the month. I'm a "take charge" kind of gal at ovulation - and it really feels hormonally driven. I've tried to fake it at other times, but it never works.

So, how do you all get through this? Do you just keep your mouths shut and hope for the best?

[Anonymous]

If DH asks, I tell him. Otherwise, I don't. I do make a big effort to initiate sex at other times of the month, though. If you're in the habit of having sex twice a week or more, you should be fine timingwise, in any event.

[Anonymous]

OP I found that telling my DH it was a good time for BMS it kind of killed his drive so I kept it to myself. It is really hard to keep it romantic when you are truly on a baby mission.

[Anonymous]

My doctor told me to aim for every other day from days 10-20 (I have a 28ish day cycle). That took off some of the pressure of trying to pinpoint the precise days.

[Anonymous]

As much as in an ideal world you should be able to share as much of this as you want (it is relevant to him and a part of your lives), in reality I would avoid saying much. I vote for initiate and hope for the best, and also to initiate during other times of the month so he doesn't just suspect that any come ons are just for TTC purposes.

[Anonymous]

My DH knew everything. This is something we went through together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH knew everything. This is something we went through together.

Different strokes for different folks. When hubbies have performance anxiety, and the wife finds it best not to say it's go time, I don't think that reflects poorly on their relationship. In fact, I think it shows a lot of understanding on the wife's part that this might also be hard on her husband. Couples have different ways of getting through things TOGETHER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My doctor told me to aim for every other day from days 10-20 (I have a 28ish day cycle). That took off some of the pressure of trying to pinpoint the precise days.

This is what we do!

[Anonymous]

OP here... well, DH just got home tonight from a long business trip. I was ordering a gift online for a family member who gave birth yesterday and asked aloud, "Yesterday was the 25th right?" And he replied with something about if I was trying to figure out fertility stuff it was too late. He had no idea what I was doing, we had not even spoken about this issue at all since he came home a few hours ago, and this was the first thing out of his mouth. I just want to cry. A**hole.

[Anonymous]

I tell DH everything. That's part of our relationship, and helps us bond. I know couples who don't, and it works for them. DH had minor performance anxiety at the beginning, and I found that pointing out stuff that mattered to him (although he knew it) also helped: that conceiving through timed sex is so much cheaper than a fertility clinic, so less invasive than shots, so much more private than adoption. For us, the extra motivation reduced his performance anxiety (we know why we're doing this right now) and, although I'm not sure what DH thinks, gives him the feeling that it's the world series instead of practice. Time to hit one out of the park, if you know what I mean.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, hang in there. This is a stressful time - it's so hard to buy baby stuff. And yep, he's not helping. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

OP-I am so sorry. I know exactly what you are going through. My DH and I have struggled with this for years now. I have tried everything...telling him, not telling him, making a move, not making a move and on and on. Unfortunately, DH seems to have a low sex drive and also some definite performance issues (which I think makes him want to have sex less). He has used viagra and on and on. Anyway, the whole timing issue and whether or not to tell and worrying about whether you will actually have sex at the right time is just a hell on earth and ruins all the fun of sex. You have my sympathies.