What all to disclose for a pod?

[Anonymous]

If you are forming pods with someone you know socially but not too closely. The purpose of the pod is for the kid's social interaction and remote learning, would you disclose if your kid is on the spectrum and lacks social skills?

5 kids in total, all 4-5 years old, so Kindergarden and Pre K grades.

[Anonymous]

Hell yes. Because the other parents are going to be furious and then eventually kick that kid out when they are hitting the other kids or saying really cruel or inappropriate things or always crying or arguing.

[Anonymous]

You should conceal that information only if you want to set your kid up to fail. If you want this to be a positive experience, you should be honest about your kid's challenges, and what you are asking the other adults to be prepared to handle.

[Anonymous]

I hope you’re not asking because you suspect this about another kid in your pod and feel like they were supposed to disclose something.

If it’s your kid, how close are you to the other families? If they’re already friends that you’ve spent time with one-on-one, they know and don’t care. If they’re really just classmates and you don’t know the parents, I’d test the waters before committing. Most of my DD’s preK classmates last year had some kind of social skills issues... because they were 4. At 5 and in kindergarten, those kids don’t have noticeable social issues anymore, except for one friend who has 1:1 support during part of the day. If your child is noticeably behind and has social skill issues that cause him or her to interfere with others’ ability to learn (hitting, big tantrums, continuous interruptions, etc), you probably should not seek out a pod. If your child is just more into playing solo or occasionally blurts out answers or interrupts, that’s pretty typical. I’d just say something like “Larlo is more into solo play and is still working out the give-and-take of being in a larger group, but here’s some things we do at home that will help him in the pod.” Also, know that in my kid’s classroom there were lots of weird social things on her class even among the “typical” kids during the first few weeks of hybrid because most of the kids had only been with siblings all summer.

[Anonymous]

Parent of an almost 5 here, if you were joining my pod, I would absolutely want to know. I assume you’d want to know about my kid’s fine/gross motor delay or the fact he speaks a language other than English at home so he can be harder to understand when he mixes languages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell yes. Because the other parents are going to be furious and then eventually kick that kid out when they are hitting the other kids or saying really cruel or inappropriate things or always crying or arguing.

This is a very inappropriate and uniformed response. Being on the spectrum can mean a number of things which don't include violence. Sorry OP. I'd say it would be helpful to disclose if you're comfortable. And if they don't want to have their kid pod with you because they are unformed jerks like PP, you're better off for it. But they might appreciate the opportunity for their child to learn about accepting differences.

[Anonymous]

I’d want to know because I think communication is important.

I don’t understand the point of concealing. Knowledge is power. There is nothing “wrong” that needs to be hidden away like some dark secret. When the pod is formed, these need areas are going to become obvious, so why not break it out in the open before they become a point of resentment?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to talk to the host and see if they are prepared depending on the behaviors like hitting. And, the nanny to make sure they can handle multiple kids, one with SN.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would disclose. I have a child who is on “spectrum watch.” You don’t have to give them the evaluation, but clearly articulate the challenges that will come up. If the other parents aren’t open to having him there, it reflects badly on them (inclusive socialization benefits all), but it wouldn’t be a good situation for your little one anyway.

[Anonymous]

It depends entirely on how obvious this diagnosis is to other people. If it has a major impact on their academic performance: let them know. If they are just a bit shy, then no need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d want to know because I think communication is important.

I don’t understand the point of concealing. Knowledge is power. There is nothing “wrong” that needs to be hidden away like some dark secret. When the pod is formed, these need areas are going to become obvious, so why not break it out in the open before they become a point of resentment?

This. If your kid starts acting out in some way that is difficult to deal with, and then you say, "Oh, yeah, he's on the spectrum, I didn't tell you," there will be a LOT of resentment. They might feel like you tricked them into the pod. If you give a heads-up, the other parents will (1) be better prepared to handle it, which is better for you and your kid, and (2) less likely to resent it. And maybe they will decline the pod, which sucks, but that's still better -- you don't want someone caring for your kid who doesn't think they can handle whatever your kid's challenges are. You want your kid's caregivers to feel prepared and competent, not resentful and ill-equipped.

[Anonymous]

OP here. It's not my kid but another kid in the pod. I don't want to speculate about the health of another kid, but I am annoyed with the parents for not letting us know of the challenges that were clearly going to come up.

My apologies for keeping it bit vague in the post initially, just wanted to check if my expectations of being informed were misplaced. The kid isn't violent and actually pretty sweet, but can not interact or have conversations at all with the other kids. When the group is this small, I belive that's an important thing. They are also very desruptive during remote classes and can't follow directions unless repeated multiple times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not my kid but another kid in the pod. I don't want to speculate about the health of another kid, but I am annoyed with the parents for not letting us know of the challenges that were clearly going to come up.

My apologies for keeping it bit vague in the post initially, just wanted to check if my expectations of being informed were misplaced. The kid isn't violent and actually pretty sweet, but can not interact or have conversations at all with the other kids. When the group is this small, I belive that's an important thing. They are also very desruptive during remote classes and can't follow directions unless repeated multiple times.

They are FOUR. How do you know the kid is on the spectrum if the parents didn't tell you? I know lots of neurotypical four- and five-year-olds who are poor conversationalists and have a hard time following directions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not my kid but another kid in the pod. I don't want to speculate about the health of another kid, but I am annoyed with the parents for not letting us know of the challenges that were clearly going to come up.

My apologies for keeping it bit vague in the post initially, just wanted to check if my expectations of being informed were misplaced. The kid isn't violent and actually pretty sweet, but can not interact or have conversations at all with the other kids. When the group is this small, I belive that's an important thing. They are also very desruptive during remote classes and can't follow directions unless repeated multiple times.

Nothing you describe is something I would expect to be "informed" of. Serious verbal/language delays, any kind of violence (hitting/biting/throwing things), or other behavioral outliers, yes. Many little kids have a hard time with DL/focusing on a person on a screen. And kids can have a wide range of social skills at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's not my kid but another kid in the pod. I don't want to speculate about the health of another kid, but I am annoyed with the parents for not letting us know of the challenges that were clearly going to come up.

My apologies for keeping it a bit vague in the post initially, just wanted to check if my expectations of being informed were misplaced. The kid isn't violent and actually pretty sweet, but can not interact or have conversations at all with the other kids. When the group is this small, I believe that's an important thing. They are also very disruptive during remote classes and can't follow directions unless repeated multiple times.

Nothing you describe is something I would expect to be "informed" of. Serious verbal/language delays, any kind of violence (hitting/biting/throwing things), or other behavioral outliers, yes. Many little kids have a hard time with DL/focusing on a person on a screen. And kids can have a wide range of social skills at this age.

OP here, I don't want to go into too many details but the kid (let's call them K) loudly repeats a few lines all day, even when other kids are having class, sometimes while banging something on the table or wall while doing so. K can't sit thru the DL class unless the nanny sits only with them. She spends more time with that one kid than all the others combined, to get every small thing done. There are a lot of things like that.