No room for any more toys?

[Anonymous]

I keep reading posts on DCUM from parents who don't want any more toys in the house and plan to make their kids give away toys in order to be able to receive new ones. Given the size of the average house, even in the DMV, I have a hard time believing that there isn't room for kids to keep more toys.

I grew up lower working class, so we couldn't afford more than a couple of Barbies and we'd sew most of her outfits ourselves since the ones they sold at the store were so expensive. I remember saving to buy Barbie new shoes because I didn't like it if her shoes didn't match the outfits I sewed for her. We eventually had a lot of Barbie "stuff" in our collection that we added to for years. The whole point for us of playing with Barbie was to assemble a little Barbie "world" where she could engage in various activities, like dancing with Ken or swimming at the beach and you needed stuff in order to set the stage for her. You'd never want to give away her pool just because someone gave you the Barbie convertible car. You wanted her to be able to drive to her pool in her car. We were over the moon when we got her beach house and a dune buggy one year! If our parents had restricted us to giving away one Barbie item once we got a new one, it just would have been heartbreaking and would have seriously pissed me off. With my child, I didn't make him get rid of one Lego set because he got another one. Same for his Matchbox cars and his Beyblade collections. He had tons of them, and he knew all of their names and characteristics. If one had gone missing he'd definitely have noticed. He even had 2-3 bowls to "battle" them in, if I recall correctly.

What's the harm in letting kids have an abundance of something they really enjoy? I'm not saying anyone should run out and spend extravagantly all at once. But what's with the automatic anti-things attitude so many people have? Do people also oppose collecting comic books, stamps, or baseball cards?

[Anonymous]

Minimalism is a class status indicator these days.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes if kids have too much stuff, they don't appreciate it. It seemed like you appreciated your toys because you didn't get them that often. My kids are flooded with toys. They have a bunch of older cousins and we get all their hand-me down toys and toys the cousins didn't want. I didn't want them but DH always took them. Like one time, he came back with an entire suitcase filled wth old matchbox cars -- you know how many matchbox cars it takes to fill a suitcase? A lot. I hated them. DS didn't even care about them, all I did was pick them off the floor. I eventually got rid of them all.

So yeah, if your kid has a large collection of stuff and treasures it and plays with it, then no need to get rid of it. But a lot of kids have toys that they don't play with, and don't notice until you say you're going to get rid of it -- then it's their favorite toy ever. This is what should go.

[Anonymous]

In our case, we live in DC proper in a 2 bedroom/750 sq. ft. condo - so alas, when I say that we quite literally do not have space for more stuff, I’m not being hyperbolic.

Like you I also grew grew up in a working class/lower middle class family, and I also really treasured my toys and the various collections I had (in my case, it was horses!), and I’m very much sympathetic to that perspective on a personal level. But most people on this board are more like upper middle class, and have money far, far beyond what people like you and I recall from our own childhoods. You had some beloved toys that you cherished over the years - people here can afford to get their kids truly insane quantities of toys. They can also provide their kids with all kinds of activities - music and swim lessons, sports and summer camps, judo and science club, trips to Europe - whatever they might be. Kids from families like that frankly don’t need their toys to mean quite so much to them.

My husband and I now make $300k/year, which is far more than my own parents could have dreamed of earning, despite their hard work. We choose to stay in our small condo and keep things like toys to a minimum because we know that our kids will have things like fully funded college and all kinds of experiences (along with bigger and better toys one day, frankly).

Lastly, I think when people rail about having too many damn toys, a lot of it is gifts from family members. My mother and mother in law send all kinds of crap that definitely doesn’t fit isn’t any sort of collection or is otherwise a cherished toy. It’s just plastic junk. People with money don’t hold onto that stuff because it isn’t precious when it’s very easily replaced. I’m a personal level, I really relate to the childhood you describe - but I don’t think people are talking about that kind of thing (how your son, like you, has beloved toys).

Also, mine are younger and some of their toys are literal cookie tins and “fancy” cardboard boxes (er, trash)

[Anonymous]

I am one of those posters. We have 3100 sq ft but limited places for toys to go. The kids get one basket in their rooms, one in the main living/kitchen area, and a bookshelf and a few baskets in the basement. Could I put more toys elsewhere? Sure. But we choose to limit toys because the research supports kids having fewer toys. Here is one:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201712/study-underscores-why-fewer-toys-is-the-better-option

[Anonymous]

You feel this way because you had so little as a kid. Now that you have your own kid you want to give him what you didn't have. That's fine - you do you.

I don't want my kids to have tons and tons of plastic toys. Also, because my kids have less, they take better care of what they do have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those posters. We have 3100 sq ft but limited places for toys to go. The kids get one basket in their rooms, one in the main living/kitchen area, and a bookshelf and a few baskets in the basement. Could I put more toys elsewhere? Sure. But we choose to limit toys because the research supports kids having fewer toys. Here is one:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201712/study-underscores-why-fewer-toys-is-the-better-option

You sound really selfish. You have a huge house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those posters. We have 3100 sq ft but limited places for toys to go. The kids get one basket in their rooms, one in the main living/kitchen area, and a bookshelf and a few baskets in the basement. Could I put more toys elsewhere? Sure. But we choose to limit toys because the research supports kids having fewer toys. Here is one:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201712/study-underscores-why-fewer-toys-is-the-better-option

You sound really selfish. You have a huge house.

How is that selfish? My kids have a huge house to set up obstacle courses, to stage plays, to build elaborate towns with blocks. They focus on them for longer because they aren’t overwhelmed by an over abundance of toys. Plus, I love them, read to them, cuddle them, listen to them, empathize with them. It isn’t selfish to want your kids to appreciate what they do have and to be creative when they play.

[Anonymous]

You feel this way because you had so little as a kid. Now that you have your own kid you want to give him what you didn't have. That's fine - you do you.

I obviously had lots of toys since I described our extensive Barbie collection. But thankfully, my parents didn't make me give away a Barbie item each time I had the chance to get a new one, like so many parents here like to do.

I'm guessing my child had about 30 Beyblades at the peak of his fixation. I suppose I could have imposed an arbitrary limit of 20 Beyblades because in my mind that seemed like enough. But why? It seems like a power trip or control freak move to do that to another person. Sure, you should help them to organize their things and give away things they are no longer interested in so that other children can enjoy them. But it's pretty clear that lots of people here are forcing kids to part with their possessions against their wishes. I understand why you might have to do this if you truly don't have room for the items. But that's probably not what's going on in the 3,100+ sf houses.

[Anonymous]

I’m the 3100 sq ft poster. I don’t make my kids give toys away. I just don’t let things come in en masse. We have empty cubes on their 5x5 toy expedit and I am ok with that. I think there are toy minimalists (like me) who don’t want to have a ton of stuff in our house and then there are the toy purgers who like to get stuff out of their house. I don’t think those are always the same groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You feel this way because you had so little as a kid. Now that you have your own kid you want to give him what you didn't have. That's fine - you do you.

I obviously had lots of toys since I described our extensive Barbie collection. But thankfully, my parents didn't make me give away a Barbie item each time I had the chance to get a new one, like so many parents here like to do.

I'm guessing my child had about 30 Beyblades at the peak of his fixation. I suppose I could have imposed an arbitrary limit of 20 Beyblades because in my mind that seemed like enough. But why? It seems like a power trip or control freak move to do that to another person. Sure, you should help them to organize their things and give away things they are no longer interested in so that other children can enjoy them. But it's pretty clear that lots of people here are forcing kids to part with their possessions against their wishes. I understand why you might have to do this if you truly don't have room for the items. But that's probably not what's going on in the 3,100+ sf houses.

You make it sound like you only had Barbies as toys. Keep in mind that different kids play in different ways. My kids put on dances and plays and gymnastics meets - all things you need a lot of floor space for. I purposely don't give my kids tons of toys because I want them to be more creative with what they have. Also, I think there's a value to wanting things and not getting them. And wanting things and saving for them. And finding new creative ways to play with the same things.

[Anonymous]

Barbies don’t take up too much room. Nothing like a bounce house, play kitchen, grocery store, play house, train table, lego table, on and on. And then my garage has a huge battery operated car, 3 bikes, 2 scooters, basketball hoops, wagon, roller skates... it’s just too much. My own car doesn’t even fit in the garage which I’m bitter about

[Anonymous]

I don't do one in, one out, but we do limit the number of toys by occasionally purging. Sometimes I do this by myself (usually with junk from parties or little seasonal plastic items, trinkets from the dentist, etc.) and sometimes my son and I go through and talk about items to keep vs donate. The easiest way for me is to say, "Here's three puzzles, pick one to give away."

I think my son is super lucky to have a small dedicated playroom with a play kitchen, an Expedit filled with toys and puzzles, a block area, two play dough sets, and lots of books and magazines in the playroom and in his room. I don't feel bad at all about having him purge toys. When the house is stuffed with toys, not all of them get played with. The same with art he makes - when we keep fewer pieces as opposed to keeping every single 2 minute crayon scribble he makes, he appreciates them more and they get displayed and looked at. A true collection, like lots of legos or Barbies wouldn't bother me, though.

[Anonymous]

^ Forgot to mention, this week we talked about his birthday and Christmas coming up, and we sat in the playroom and talked about how he needs to make space for new toys. He was completely fine with it and has been filling up a bin with toys he is choosing to donate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of those posters. We have 3100 sq ft but limited places for toys to go. The kids get one basket in their rooms, one in the main living/kitchen area, and a bookshelf and a few baskets in the basement. Could I put more toys elsewhere? Sure. But we choose to limit toys because the research supports kids having fewer toys. Here is one:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/singletons/201712/study-underscores-why-fewer-toys-is-the-better-option

There's a big difference between a study that says that kids under 2.5 play better when there are fewer toys out in the space, and the conclusion that kids of any age shouldn't own toys.