I can't get husband to buy a house.
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Anonymous
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We are renting. We've been renting 15 years. We have enough cash to buy a house easily, but he puts up excuses for everything. Doesn't want a townhouse, only a SFH. But the SFHs we can afford are further out from the city, so his commute would suck. He thinks we will be house poor (we won't).
He also doesn't want to move out of this school cluster because it's the best around, but I could find him a SFH that's fairly close to us now (still further out from his job but not by much), in a slightly lower-rated school cluster. Our son isn't a top performing student, and I think he'd be better in a more middle of the road school. My husband wants to save our cash for our son's college. But I have a 529 plan for our son already. He's fine. Is there any way forward to compromise on any of this? I don't want a dream house. I just want to OWN a house. But equally important is my son's education, and I think he'd be better off moving from our currently zoned high school (he starts next year). He has friends from sports and earlier private school in several other high school clusters, so he won't be friendless if I switch him. |
Anonymous
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What exactly is the main reason for your husband’s attitude toward becoming a homeowner?
He seems to have a million excuses but no valid reason. Talk to him....try to dig deep to find out exactly what is causing him to stall like this? Could he have bad credit? Scared to secure a mortgage?? Good luck! |
Anonymous
He has anxiety in general and a TBI a few years back seems to have made this a lot worse. I could go out and get the mortgage on my own. But I can't ethnically (or even legally?) just take half our savings for the down payment and closing costs. 
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Anonymous
| Show him all the money you could have made if you had bought 15 years ago. |
Anonymous
Yes you can, if both your names are on the account. |
Anonymous
| I wouldn’t move somewhere for a school district when it’s only going to be four years. You’ll blink and be empty nesters stuck in the suburbs for no reason. |
Anonymous
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How will your commute be? B/c a bad commute is daily soul sucking. Can you tell us locations so we can comment on how bad it will really be?
Yes 15 years ago was okay housing appreciation for some (2005 was peak bubble so some places still haven’t reached the same price). But 1985–2000 was pretty crummy appreciation. So who knows. You kid has 4 more years, what does HE want to do. Changing for high schools sounds awful unless it’s a place where almost all the kids are new. Why not just wait 4 years until done with school, and then you have more options? |
Anonymous
You want to stick some with a TBI with a long commute? |
Anonymous
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There's a certain amount of things you can't do on your own in a marriage. It's better to try to make peace with those. Focus on other investments and the good parts about renting. Or go out and buy an investment condo with your own money.
Make a garden. It has the sense of ownership and is a great project for a 5 year horizon. When you leave it behind, it's just plants. |
Anonymous
| You were kind of low-key with explaining the TBI, but that’s huge. My husband has TBI and it took us a while to realize that any change in our life makes it way worse. I’m not sure how recent or severe the TBI is, but your DH may be aware that he’s barely treading water and able to cover a lot of the anxiety/executive function issues/etc in your current setup and realize that any change would be worse. I would keep my kid in the current school cluster and save for buying a place in retirement. Maybe somewhere walkable and easily manageable and with really pleasant weather, especially if the impact from the TBI proves to be long-term. |
Anonymous
This. Show him what you've missed out on - look at housing prices 15 years ago and housing prices now. Explain that if you buy a house now, you'll make that much money. Even people who bought their homes in 2007 are up huge amounts now. |
Anonymous
| Meh. Owning is often overrated. It’s luck of the draw whether you’ll do well or not, especially if you buy farther out. It’s not worth a longer commute and worse schools imo. A relaxed happy life is worth far more. Can you find a compromise house somewhere in the middle? Same school cluster but small home? Townhouse but put thousands into sound proofing? |
Anonymous
| The power of owning comes when you are at the end of the mortgage and you own your home and no longer need to pay for the property. You can stay in your home, sell it and move to a smaller/less expensive space, buy into assisted living. You have much more control of your destiny than you do as a renter. |
Anonymous
| Impossible to know without actual cash flow numbers, savings, and current levels of debt. |
Anonymous
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Houses haven't really appreciated from pre-2008 levels. Sure, on paper the number have gone up over the last 15 years, but they're still behind 2008 levels in real dollars. Then you have to factor in all of the costs for insurance, upkeep, and increases in taxes, plus inflation. It really hasn't appreciated *that* much over the last 15 years. It's nice that mortgages don't change, but your taxes and insurance can. You can definitely make better returns on the stock market.
It depends on what you want. Long commutes can kill you. Maybe try compromising for something less costly, but closer in that will need repairs. You can't always get everything you want. |