Help! 3 month old will not nap

[Anonymous]

I don't know if I'm looking for advice or reassurance that this too shall pass or what. Our 3+ month (15 week old) baby will not nap independently. He does amazing at night - we have a Snoo and he sleeps 12 hours with 0-1 wake up, but we don't use it for naps for various reasons (it's not in a room with black-out shades, and I don't want to keep swaddling him for every sleep. We've been attempting to get him to nap in his crib since 10 weeks).

I follow average wake windows and sleepy cues, implemented a nap routine, and try my best to put him down awake and let him fall asleep on his own with varying success. Some days he's a champ, other days I have to rescue the nap after 10 minutes of letting him try, sometimes really working himself up (I'm not comfortable letting him CIO at this point). Regardless, if he happens to fall asleep in his crib successfully, he won't nap longer than 30 minutes aside from the odd 40 minute nap here and there. I generally will hold to extend or baby wear 1-2 naps a day just to make sure he's getting enough day sleep and not a complete mess by the end of the day.

Everything I've read says that this is developmental and very common until they start consolidating day sleep at 5-6 months old and naps generally start to extend on their own then. However, I recently returned to work and our nanny is just having tons of trouble getting him to nap throughout the day (in the crib, holding to extend, etc.) and I don't know what to do! I feel terrible for her because she isn't getting any breaks, and I feel terrible for my baby because he isn't getting good restorative naps. We are not comfortable with sleep training a 3 month old, and I don't even know what that would look like since it would really just be nap training as he is amazing in the Snoo at night. Any advice?!

I'm really resenting the bullsh-t, uniquely American short mat leave because I should be the one dealing with this with my 3 month old, not someone else, but alas, we need healthcare (linked to employer) UGH.

[Anonymous]

Could he do the first nap in the snoo? Regular curtains are surely fine. For mine, the first nap is the best one (meaning she often but not always makes it past the 40 min wakeup on her own), and then they decline from there. By the last nap, I'm wearing her 9x/10.

It sounds like he falls asleep independently only in the snoo. So you're probably going to have to do some version of sleep training for the crib if you don't want this to continue. There are a lot of options out there besides straight CIO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could he do the first nap in the snoo? Regular curtains are surely fine. For mine, the first nap is the best one (meaning she often but not always makes it past the 40 min wakeup on her own), and then they decline from there. By the last nap, I'm wearing her 9x/10.

It sounds like he falls asleep independently only in the snoo. So you're probably going to have to do some version of sleep training for the crib if you don't want this to continue. There are a lot of options out there besides straight CIO.

Also, does he roll? It’s my impression that if you’re going to stop swaddling, you want to start with bedtime. Naps are harder. So maybe a swaddle at least for the first big morning nap?

[Anonymous]

My deepest sympathies for all this! My baby (now 10 months old) didn’t nap at all until 4-5 months. At three months I could only get her to sleep by baby wearing and taking her for brisk walks, and any nap she wasn’t on me was no more than 20 minutes (40 seems so long!). I was able to extend my maternity leave due to the pandemic; it sucks you have to go back so early. But yeah, all I’ve got is that this too shall pass. Eventually your baby and the nanny will figure out something that works and naps will consolidate.

[Anonymous]

Swaddle for every sleep! Don’t do black out curtains for day sleep or any kind of noise machine. But it sounds like the reason he can’t sleep is because his body feels different - not all cozy. I would definitely keep swaddling to save everyone’s sanity! (And unfortunately 3 months is an ok time to try CIO- not too little imo. Horrible! So hard to do! But it is effective and it only gets harder, believe it or not..)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could he do the first nap in the snoo? Regular curtains are surely fine. For mine, the first nap is the best one (meaning she often but not always makes it past the 40 min wakeup on her own), and then they decline from there. By the last nap, I'm wearing her 9x/10.

It sounds like he falls asleep independently only in the snoo. So you're probably going to have to do some version of sleep training for the crib if you don't want this to continue. There are a lot of options out there besides straight CIO.

Also, does he roll? It’s my impression that if you’re going to stop swaddling, you want to start with bedtime. Naps are harder. So maybe a swaddle at least for the first big morning nap?

He doesn't roll but shows signs of trying and I know babies do lots of experimenting in the crib, so swaddling in the crib just isn't an option anymore. I would have too much anxiety that the nanny wasn't watching the monitor closely enough too (I know that's a "me" issue, but it's reality). We experimented with swaddling in the crib when we first started trying to get him to nap there at 10 weeks and it didn't really seem to make any difference in falling asleep independently (hit or miss) or extending time asleep (30-40 minute naps, at most).

The frustrating part is that he DOES show that he can fall asleep on his own, it's just not consistent, probably 50% of the time for me before I went back to work. I was fine with that and proud of any time we got in the crib and happy to extend after that point, figuring my nanny would at least get 30-40 minutes a couple times a day. He seems to be struggling with the change or just regressing in some other way, and I know she's at her wit's end after 2 weeks, while respecting our wishes not to let him cry for long because he's just still so little. Wish the Snoo would work for naps and we have tried but he just spends the whole time staring at the ceiling fan and shadows in our room, so it's not an option.

And totally agree, cry-it-out isn't the only method, but most sleep training just doesn't seem to make sense for naps because you don't have an hour to keep doing check ins til they fall asleep before you've missed your entire nap window (and he doesn't need at night for now, and we aren't going to mess with a good thing at night by ditching the Snoo and sleep training in his crib). I've read about crib hour and other methods for naps, but again, none of those are really advised until the 4.5-5 month mark at the earliest. So maybe this is just a case where the nanny just has to suffer/power through the next month or two and things will get better for a myriad reasons then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My deepest sympathies for all this! My baby (now 10 months old) didn’t nap at all until 4-5 months. At three months I could only get her to sleep by baby wearing and taking her for brisk walks, and any nap she wasn’t on me was no more than 20 minutes (40 seems so long!). I was able to extend my maternity leave due to the pandemic; it sucks you have to go back so early. But yeah, all I’ve got is that this too shall pass. Eventually your baby and the nanny will figure out something that works and naps will consolidate.

Thanks for this! Rationally, I know it's normal and developmental and some babies just can't consolidate naps until they are older, even when having success falling asleep on their own in their sleep space. But it's so hard and I have so much mom guilt for our nanny.

[Anonymous]

This is a logistics problem. He's doing great in the Snoo, and there's no reason not to have him in it for naps, so I would figure out a way to get that to work. For a while, we taped up black out curtains over a random window (where we knew it'd be temporary and didn't want to buy and install a curtain rod). Move it to a different room. Whatever it takes.

Once he's four months, you can start weaning off the snoo and into the crib, but at that point, CIO is an option if it doesn't go smoothly. At three months, just have him sleep all the time in the snoo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a logistics problem. He's doing great in the Snoo, and there's no reason not to have him in it for naps, so I would figure out a way to get that to work. For a while, we taped up black out curtains over a random window (where we knew it'd be temporary and didn't want to buy and install a curtain rod). Move it to a different room. Whatever it takes.

Once he's four months, you can start weaning off the snoo and into the crib, but at that point, CIO is an option if it doesn't go smoothly. At three months, just have him sleep all the time in the snoo.

He didn't ever nap great in the Snoo either, even before he was more aware and distracted by light/shadows/ceiling fans. But still totally agree with you, it IS a logistics problem but not one with an easy solution. Our bedroom has 4 windows, 2 french doors, and a skylight. It's not as easy as just covering a window with a garbage bag. And our nursery is upstairs, and since it's so far away, I'm not ready to move him there for night sleep if we were to just put the Snoo up there. It's not an easy situation to just move the Snoo up there every morning and back down to our bedroom after work. And part of me feels like it's silly to force the Snoo to work for naps for another month or so before we transition him at night anyway.

I know from reading numerous blogs, TCB, etc. that I am not unique in trying to get my 3 month old to start napping in the crib, even if still sleeping in parents' room at night. I guess I'm just looking for anecdotal stories or reassurance that it'll get better in time if anyone else had a baby who was a great night sleeper but terrible napper (preferring contact naps) and what, if any, tips they might have for helping to get him to nap in his crib for the nanny.

[Anonymous]

FWIW I count happy in the crib as napping. If she's awake and I can't tell from 5 ft away, that's a win. She almost always falls back asleep from then. So if he's in the snoo, happy and staring, that sounds like a baby who's almost asleep. Even if he somehow powers through to the next feeding, then you can try again after that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could he do the first nap in the snoo? Regular curtains are surely fine. For mine, the first nap is the best one (meaning she often but not always makes it past the 40 min wakeup on her own), and then they decline from there. By the last nap, I'm wearing her 9x/10.

It sounds like he falls asleep independently only in the snoo. So you're probably going to have to do some version of sleep training for the crib if you don't want this to continue. There are a lot of options out there besides straight CIO.

Also, does he roll? It’s my impression that if you’re going to stop swaddling, you want to start with bedtime. Naps are harder. So maybe a swaddle at least for the first big morning nap?

He doesn't roll but shows signs of trying and I know babies do lots of experimenting in the crib, so swaddling in the crib just isn't an option anymore. I would have too much anxiety that the nanny wasn't watching the monitor closely enough too (I know that's a "me" issue, but it's reality). We experimented with swaddling in the crib when we first started trying to get him to nap there at 10 weeks and it didn't really seem to make any difference in falling asleep independently (hit or miss) or extending time asleep (30-40 minute naps, at most).

The frustrating part is that he DOES show that he can fall asleep on his own, it's just not consistent, probably 50% of the time for me before I went back to work. I was fine with that and proud of any time we got in the crib and happy to extend after that point, figuring my nanny would at least get 30-40 minutes a couple times a day. He seems to be struggling with the change or just regressing in some other way, and I know she's at her wit's end after 2 weeks, while respecting our wishes not to let him cry for long because he's just still so little. Wish the Snoo would work for naps and we have tried but he just spends the whole time staring at the ceiling fan and shadows in our room, so it's not an option.

And totally agree, cry-it-out isn't the only method, but most sleep training just doesn't seem to make sense for naps because you don't have an hour to keep doing check ins til they fall asleep before you've missed your entire nap window (and he doesn't need at night for now, and we aren't going to mess with a good thing at night by ditching the Snoo and sleep training in his crib). I've read about crib hour and other methods for naps, but again, none of those are really advised until the 4.5-5 month mark at the earliest. So maybe this is just a case where the nanny just has to suffer/power through the next month or two and things will get better for a myriad reasons then.

Why is swaddling in the crib not an option? I double swaddled mine in the crib.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a logistics problem. He's doing great in the Snoo, and there's no reason not to have him in it for naps, so I would figure out a way to get that to work. For a while, we taped up black out curtains over a random window (where we knew it'd be temporary and didn't want to buy and install a curtain rod). Move it to a different room. Whatever it takes.

Once he's four months, you can start weaning off the snoo and into the crib, but at that point, CIO is an option if it doesn't go smoothly. At three months, just have him sleep all the time in the snoo.

He didn't ever nap great in the Snoo either, even before he was more aware and distracted by light/shadows/ceiling fans. But still totally agree with you, it IS a logistics problem but not one with an easy solution. Our bedroom has 4 windows, 2 french doors, and a skylight. It's not as easy as just covering a window with a garbage bag. And our nursery is upstairs, and since it's so far away, I'm not ready to move him there for night sleep if we were to just put the Snoo up there. It's not an easy situation to just move the Snoo up there every morning and back down to our bedroom after work. And part of me feels like it's silly to force the Snoo to work for naps for another month or so before we transition him at night anyway.

I know from reading numerous blogs, TCB, etc. that I am not unique in trying to get my 3 month old to start napping in the crib, even if still sleeping in parents' room at night. I guess I'm just looking for anecdotal stories or reassurance that it'll get better in time if anyone else had a baby who was a great night sleeper but terrible napper (preferring contact naps) and what, if any, tips they might have for helping to get him to nap in his crib for the nanny.

I'm the PP. This makes sense. Is there somewhere else closer to you you could put the Snoo? Our baby took his naps in a closet for a long time. Or a hallway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could he do the first nap in the snoo? Regular curtains are surely fine. For mine, the first nap is the best one (meaning she often but not always makes it past the 40 min wakeup on her own), and then they decline from there. By the last nap, I'm wearing her 9x/10.

It sounds like he falls asleep independently only in the snoo. So you're probably going to have to do some version of sleep training for the crib if you don't want this to continue. There are a lot of options out there besides straight CIO.

Also, does he roll? It’s my impression that if you’re going to stop swaddling, you want to start with bedtime. Naps are harder. So maybe a swaddle at least for the first big morning nap?

He doesn't roll but shows signs of trying and I know babies do lots of experimenting in the crib, so swaddling in the crib just isn't an option anymore. I would have too much anxiety that the nanny wasn't watching the monitor closely enough too (I know that's a "me" issue, but it's reality). We experimented with swaddling in the crib when we first started trying to get him to nap there at 10 weeks and it didn't really seem to make any difference in falling asleep independently (hit or miss) or extending time asleep (30-40 minute naps, at most).

The frustrating part is that he DOES show that he can fall asleep on his own, it's just not consistent, probably 50% of the time for me before I went back to work. I was fine with that and proud of any time we got in the crib and happy to extend after that point, figuring my nanny would at least get 30-40 minutes a couple times a day. He seems to be struggling with the change or just regressing in some other way, and I know she's at her wit's end after 2 weeks, while respecting our wishes not to let him cry for long because he's just still so little. Wish the Snoo would work for naps and we have tried but he just spends the whole time staring at the ceiling fan and shadows in our room, so it's not an option.

And totally agree, cry-it-out isn't the only method, but most sleep training just doesn't seem to make sense for naps because you don't have an hour to keep doing check ins til they fall asleep before you've missed your entire nap window (and he doesn't need at night for now, and we aren't going to mess with a good thing at night by ditching the Snoo and sleep training in his crib). I've read about crib hour and other methods for naps, but again, none of those are really advised until the 4.5-5 month mark at the earliest. So maybe this is just a case where the nanny just has to suffer/power through the next month or two and things will get better for a myriad reasons then.

Why is swaddling in the crib not an option? I double swaddled mine in the crib.

AAP says 8 weeks OR signs of rolling whichever comes first. Considering he is 15 weeks and showing signs of rolling (trying hard to figure it out during floor time and can get to his side), I'm not going to swaddle him in the crib (whereas in the Snoo at night, he's clipped in). The last thing I would want would be for him to figure it out while he's swaddled. And for whatever reason, it doesn't really seem to have any effect on his naps anyway. When swaddled, he wasn't sleeping any easier or longer during the day. And his startle reflex is pretty calm now, he doesn't take a pacifier, and uses his hand to self soothe when he does have success falling asleep on his own, so it just doesn't really make sense to me to continue to swaddle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a logistics problem. He's doing great in the Snoo, and there's no reason not to have him in it for naps, so I would figure out a way to get that to work. For a while, we taped up black out curtains over a random window (where we knew it'd be temporary and didn't want to buy and install a curtain rod). Move it to a different room. Whatever it takes.

Once he's four months, you can start weaning off the snoo and into the crib, but at that point, CIO is an option if it doesn't go smoothly. At three months, just have him sleep all the time in the snoo.

He didn't ever nap great in the Snoo either, even before he was more aware and distracted by light/shadows/ceiling fans. But still totally agree with you, it IS a logistics problem but not one with an easy solution. Our bedroom has 4 windows, 2 french doors, and a skylight. It's not as easy as just covering a window with a garbage bag. And our nursery is upstairs, and since it's so far away, I'm not ready to move him there for night sleep if we were to just put the Snoo up there. It's not an easy situation to just move the Snoo up there every morning and back down to our bedroom after work. And part of me feels like it's silly to force the Snoo to work for naps for another month or so before we transition him at night anyway.

I know from reading numerous blogs, TCB, etc. that I am not unique in trying to get my 3 month old to start napping in the crib, even if still sleeping in parents' room at night. I guess I'm just looking for anecdotal stories or reassurance that it'll get better in time if anyone else had a baby who was a great night sleeper but terrible napper (preferring contact naps) and what, if any, tips they might have for helping to get him to nap in his crib for the nanny.

I'm the PP. This makes sense. Is there somewhere else closer to you you could put the Snoo? Our baby took his naps in a closet for a long time. Or a hallway?

I wish and thank you for the suggestions! Not in the cards in this house. The hallway to our bedroom also has skylights (and the bathroom!) and no walk-in closet. The rest of the main level is not an option because of open floor plan and DH's office. We love the natural light but boy does it make this specific situation super frustrating!!

[Anonymous]

Can you start the nap in swing or on Boppy and transfer once drowsy ?