Dating a man with kids

[Anonymous]

I'm dating a man with a kid my daughter's age. Do you think it'd be a good idea to let the kids play without introducing who the significant other is. This is all new territory to me so would appreciate any insight and thoughts.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids and how long have you been dating?

[Anonymous]

No - not until you are willing to tell your child that he is a very special person in your life.

[Anonymous]

No. I tried that - we were careful not to give any indication that we were dating. Things ended up going sideways between us but our kids had gotten attached to each other and we were devastated when they couldn’t play anymore. My DC would bring it up and cry for weeks.

I’ve also seen the opposite happen - where the kids didn’t get along, fought, or one was a bully, and the parents continued to force them to play so they could see each other.

Examine your motivations for doing this. If it’s because you are considering marriage and want to see how your children get along, consult with a family counselor to figure out the best way. If it’s because you two just want to spend more time with each other, don’t do it. It’s not fair to put your kids through that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids and how long have you been dating?

This plus how long have you each been divorced and how much custody do each of you have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids and how long have you been dating?

This plus how long have you each been divorced and how much custody do each of you have?

We’ve known each other for about a month. I have full 100% custody. He has 50/50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids and how long have you been dating?

This plus how long have you each been divorced and how much custody do each of you have?

We’ve known each other for about a month. I have full 100% custody. He has 50/50.

A month is not long enough. Wait at least 6 more months and then fully disclose everything to the kids before Introducing them if they are older than toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids and how long have you been dating?

This plus how long have you each been divorced and how much custody do each of you have?

We’ve known each other for about a month. I have full 100% custody. He has 50/50.

A month is not long enough. Wait at least 6 more months and then fully disclose everything to the kids before Introducing them if they are older than toddlers.

This. At least 6 months,more if the divorce is fresh. And thank about what you will do if the kids hate each other. It happens.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird that the subject line focuses on the fact that he has kids, when you have kids too.

Add that to the fact that you’ve only been dating a month and, yeah, this is going to end great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids and how long have you been dating?

This plus how long have you each been divorced and how much custody do each of you have?

We’ve known each other for about a month. I have full 100% custody. He has 50/50.

A month is not long enough. Wait at least 6 more months and then fully disclose everything to the kids before Introducing them if they are older than toddlers.

+1 this. Don't be my ex who uses the kids to hang out with a woman he wants to see. Every time this happens, my DC tries to get my ex and I to hug and get back together. Respect your kids - be honest about what this relationship is. AND wait 6 months to make sure you trust this person and see a future (marriage or not).

[Anonymous]

Age of kids? How long are each of you divorced?

[Anonymous]

A month dating? Heck no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm dating a man with a kid my daughter's age. Do you think it'd be a good idea to let the kids play without introducing who the significant other is. This is all new territory to me so would appreciate any insight and thoughts.

You can also post this in "Parenting -- Special Concerns" as that's the "unofficial" divorce and divorced with children with forum.

Lots and lots of divorce talk.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not. I had known my (now) husband for years before we started dating. I knew his kids names and ages and he knew my kids names and ages.

We did not even TALK to our kids about us dating until around month 8. Then I was very casual about it with my kids and would say "I'm going out with Tom to see a movie and go to dinner." In month 12 he met the two oldest of my kids. It was for about 1-2 minutes. Just so they could size each other up and say hi. A month later I met his kids for the same short amount of time. In month 16 all the kids met at an arcade - that way they could spend as much or as little time together as they were comfortable.

You need to slow things WAYYYYY down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids and how long have you been dating?

This plus how long have you each been divorced and how much custody do each of you have?

We’ve known each other for about a month. I have full 100% custody. He has 50/50.

No, no, and no. Single mom with 100% custody. I understand; budget for a babysitter to spend time alone. Both of you split costs. I wouldn’t even bring my child alone one month in. Way too soon.